(no subject)
I was reading over elloras older posts... the ones I missed beacuse I had no computer.
I dont know why.. but I did. it brought up all one question... should I have even called
her at the time I did. Honestly i called her beacuse in the back of my mind i was
worried, I was wondering what she was doing... how she was doing and I guess
I just wanted some resolution from one of the few I was ever truly in love with.
but as with everything I do there are always some regrets and I wonder if i jsut fucked things
up more by doing that.. or if i shoulda just took the sign and moved on.
its hard for me to tell but all I know is that even if I dont feel like I belong here
I belong in the job im doing. I have learned only a little part of it here and there.
I dont know the radio parts yet but still I love it.. ites everything I have ever really
wanted to do for a job.. sure there are some crappy parts like having to deal with some
of the people BS. but now that i have some of my outlets back its easier.
but I wandered off track. I still wonder if i fucked everything up for her with that one
call. stupid me.. hell after that letter I dont know why my mind was still having the feeling
to know how she was doing. now dont get me wrong I am happy I called and found out, it put my
mind at ease to know that she doesnt totally hate me.. but still I wonder if it was the right thing
or if after the letter she sent me in basic if I should have just let that sinking ship die.
but what is in the past is done.. all i can control is the future. but still I wonder.. but
still I wonder.
I dont know why.. but I did. it brought up all one question... should I have even called
her at the time I did. Honestly i called her beacuse in the back of my mind i was
worried, I was wondering what she was doing... how she was doing and I guess
I just wanted some resolution from one of the few I was ever truly in love with.
but as with everything I do there are always some regrets and I wonder if i jsut fucked things
up more by doing that.. or if i shoulda just took the sign and moved on.
its hard for me to tell but all I know is that even if I dont feel like I belong here
I belong in the job im doing. I have learned only a little part of it here and there.
I dont know the radio parts yet but still I love it.. ites everything I have ever really
wanted to do for a job.. sure there are some crappy parts like having to deal with some
of the people BS. but now that i have some of my outlets back its easier.
but I wandered off track. I still wonder if i fucked everything up for her with that one
call. stupid me.. hell after that letter I dont know why my mind was still having the feeling
to know how she was doing. now dont get me wrong I am happy I called and found out, it put my
mind at ease to know that she doesnt totally hate me.. but still I wonder if it was the right thing
or if after the letter she sent me in basic if I should have just let that sinking ship die.
but what is in the past is done.. all i can control is the future. but still I wonder.. but
still I wonder.