(no subject)
Recently a lot of people i know have been getting engaged. I never thought i'd be 23 and have this many friends who are engaged. Like, in the span of a year I went from knowing 0 people who are engaged (unless you count my sister, who isn't officially engaged. in fact, i have no idea what she is, but it's some sort of step on the way to engagement i guess) to now knowing 5 couples, 6 if you count a friend who is "engaged to be engaged" and 7 if you count my sister (again, no clue what to call that). I'm really happy for all of them, it's just weird to be getting to that place in life where people start pairing off.
The whole thing has got me thinking about gay marriage, or gay engagement really. Now, it's not as though there is a guy in my life right now that I could potentially become engaged to, so it really isn't a pressing issue, but it's something i've thought about for awhile now. Actually, it's been in the back of my mind in some way, shape, or form ever since I discovered I am gay. I don't believe there is a "man" and a "woman" in gay relationships (and i don't think the heteros should stick to such rigid gender roles either, come to think of it), which is one of the things i've always loved about being gay. I've always felt like when I'm in a relationship, i get to be both. I can be the big strong man who defends the one I love, fixes/builds things, and won't ask for directions, but I can also be the "woman" so to speak (an i hate phrasing it like that, but it is the clearest way to state what i am trying to say). I can enjoy cuddling and be taken care of. This is honestly the thing i like most about being gay; that gender roles can't hold me down. I'm already a part of something that isn't traditional, so why not go all out, right?
so, when gender roles disappear, who does the asking in a gay relationship? People have asked me about this before, and I've asked myself many times. I suppose it depends, at least in part, on the relationship dynamic. Maybe there is one person in a relationship that should do the asking, or maybe it's just whoever asks first wins. I like the ambiguity. seems to me it would make the proposal itself that much more surprising. it also gives you some control. you can wait to be asked if you'd like, but you can also take matters into your own hands if you are tired of waiting, or if you just know that this is what you need to do.
I think i'd like to be asked, and it's HUGE for me to admit that out loud. A part of me doesn't want anyone to know this because being asked is the feminine role, and as a gay man I struggle with the idea of people thinking i'm girly. Still, i'd like to be asked. For one, I wouldn't have to ask someone and be mortally afraid they would say no. that's something i sure as hell wouldn't feel bad missing out on. But it's more than that. I like the idea of someone loving me enough to go through the effort of it all. You know, choosing a ring, planning a romantic way to do it, and loving a person enough to put yourself on the line to ask them to spend the rest of your life with them.
And yet, I want to do the asking too. I have this fantasy in my head where I get to do both. I plan to ask the guy to marry me, get the ring and everything. then we pan a romantic evening or something and I plan to ask him, but he beats me to the punch and says "will you marry me". he gets down on one knee, shows me the ring, and asks. And then I plop down too, show him the ring, and say something witty like "only if you'll marry me". It's romantic and really sappy, but I like it.
I've probably revealed a lot about myself in this post, but I don't really care too much.
The whole thing has got me thinking about gay marriage, or gay engagement really. Now, it's not as though there is a guy in my life right now that I could potentially become engaged to, so it really isn't a pressing issue, but it's something i've thought about for awhile now. Actually, it's been in the back of my mind in some way, shape, or form ever since I discovered I am gay. I don't believe there is a "man" and a "woman" in gay relationships (and i don't think the heteros should stick to such rigid gender roles either, come to think of it), which is one of the things i've always loved about being gay. I've always felt like when I'm in a relationship, i get to be both. I can be the big strong man who defends the one I love, fixes/builds things, and won't ask for directions, but I can also be the "woman" so to speak (an i hate phrasing it like that, but it is the clearest way to state what i am trying to say). I can enjoy cuddling and be taken care of. This is honestly the thing i like most about being gay; that gender roles can't hold me down. I'm already a part of something that isn't traditional, so why not go all out, right?
so, when gender roles disappear, who does the asking in a gay relationship? People have asked me about this before, and I've asked myself many times. I suppose it depends, at least in part, on the relationship dynamic. Maybe there is one person in a relationship that should do the asking, or maybe it's just whoever asks first wins. I like the ambiguity. seems to me it would make the proposal itself that much more surprising. it also gives you some control. you can wait to be asked if you'd like, but you can also take matters into your own hands if you are tired of waiting, or if you just know that this is what you need to do.
I think i'd like to be asked, and it's HUGE for me to admit that out loud. A part of me doesn't want anyone to know this because being asked is the feminine role, and as a gay man I struggle with the idea of people thinking i'm girly. Still, i'd like to be asked. For one, I wouldn't have to ask someone and be mortally afraid they would say no. that's something i sure as hell wouldn't feel bad missing out on. But it's more than that. I like the idea of someone loving me enough to go through the effort of it all. You know, choosing a ring, planning a romantic way to do it, and loving a person enough to put yourself on the line to ask them to spend the rest of your life with them.
And yet, I want to do the asking too. I have this fantasy in my head where I get to do both. I plan to ask the guy to marry me, get the ring and everything. then we pan a romantic evening or something and I plan to ask him, but he beats me to the punch and says "will you marry me". he gets down on one knee, shows me the ring, and asks. And then I plop down too, show him the ring, and say something witty like "only if you'll marry me". It's romantic and really sappy, but I like it.
I've probably revealed a lot about myself in this post, but I don't really care too much.