(no subject)
Today:
I'm still feeling a little poorly. I don't know if that's the lingering limp-and-drained feelings which are aftereffects of the pasta the other night or the fact that I was in a bit of a state last night and refused to go to bed until 2am and am thus tired out. I'm back at work, obviously. Not ill enough to justify another day off and I've managed to be reasonably chirpy but I came home tonight, fell into bed with a hot water bottle and slept for a couple of hours.
Last night I broke a New Year's Resolution. I texted Annie to ask if we could go out one night this week (just for a drink or to sit on the seafront or something, still trying to keep the pressure off her) and a very very brief email to Jess just to say "Hello, I needed to email you tonight, how are you?" but I've had no reply from either. Do I remember why I made that resolution in the first place? Yeah. Now I do.
In other news:
I've spent the last twenty-four hours having a think. I may take a break from the internet for a bit (but I reserve the right to change my mind within a matter of hours when I realise I miss my "venting space" too much).
There are a handful of issues here.
One, I feel like I'm being very melodramatic.
Two, I feel like I'm jumping on a bandwagon.
But the truth is that I don't do anything productive on the internet except hang about being impatient because nothing's happening and at the same time, wasting time I could be spending on other things, like reading the ten thousand books I haven't finished or watching the pile of unwatched DVDs or playing out in the street like when I was a kid or doing some writing of my own.
Also, it seems like a lot of people in the various different corners of the internet I wander have Issues and Problems. Which is fine, the internet is a good place to deal with them but apparently I have the sort of mind that very easily catches Issues and Problems. I don't want them; they're not part of me and they spoil things and make life difficult. Away from the internet, that sort of thing is a lot less "contagious".
I'm also uncomfortable with my realisation last night how emotionally dependent I am on certain parts of the net.
I think it'll also be good for sleep problems. You're not supposed to have electronic stuff in bedrooms and I've tried using the computer downstairs only but I feel awkward sitting on the sofa with my other little life. I need the escape, the peace and the space. Maybe if I'm less computer-dependent it'll be easier to 1) not use it after about 9pm and 2) not stay up until 2 in the morning.
However, one thing I find the internet really useful for is the release of steam here and if I need that more than I need the break, then obviously I'm going to go for it. And I do need it sometimes. I love Livejournal and I love Twitter and I... am mostly indifferent to Facebook, actually. And to be honest, that's about all I use the computer for at the moment.
Here's to some peace of mind. I'm sure I won't be able to stay away long.