(no subject)
I just had one of the crappiest days of my lifetime.
I'll even use his real name, because he doesn't know this journal exists.
I used to like Chris. I spent time and effort trying to get into his good graces, and I thought that eventually he would see how I had changed and he would respect me and possibly even feel a little like the way I felt about him.
The bitter reality is that he will never, ever respect me.
I will always be a joke to him. But I am entirely fed up with his joking and his constant put downs. Whatever I end up doing, he has no license to make fun of me. I am allowed to do whatever I want, and he has NO RIGHT to question, or mock, or belittle my choices. He has no claim to power over me and he is not a close enough friend to get to say the things he says about and to me. I am THROUGH letting him act like a bastard towards me and get away with it.
I need to find a guy who doesn't rob me of my sense of security. Out of everything, I need to be taken seriously. I'm a real person, not the punch line to a joke. I need to be respected. My ideas and opinions mean something, and I am completely sick of guys who act like they aren't. My pains are real and nobody is going to get a laugh out of my misery any more.
And it hurts when the people you would want to trust the most, with anything you need to say, are the ones you start lying to, just not telling them your problems because you know they would care, but that you'd also be an inconvenience to them. I'm not going to be that friend that you used to be friends with that starts gushing all their problems to you when you really don't want to hear them. I will not be a bother.
I'll even use his real name, because he doesn't know this journal exists.
I used to like Chris. I spent time and effort trying to get into his good graces, and I thought that eventually he would see how I had changed and he would respect me and possibly even feel a little like the way I felt about him.
The bitter reality is that he will never, ever respect me.
I will always be a joke to him. But I am entirely fed up with his joking and his constant put downs. Whatever I end up doing, he has no license to make fun of me. I am allowed to do whatever I want, and he has NO RIGHT to question, or mock, or belittle my choices. He has no claim to power over me and he is not a close enough friend to get to say the things he says about and to me. I am THROUGH letting him act like a bastard towards me and get away with it.
I need to find a guy who doesn't rob me of my sense of security. Out of everything, I need to be taken seriously. I'm a real person, not the punch line to a joke. I need to be respected. My ideas and opinions mean something, and I am completely sick of guys who act like they aren't. My pains are real and nobody is going to get a laugh out of my misery any more.
And it hurts when the people you would want to trust the most, with anything you need to say, are the ones you start lying to, just not telling them your problems because you know they would care, but that you'd also be an inconvenience to them. I'm not going to be that friend that you used to be friends with that starts gushing all their problems to you when you really don't want to hear them. I will not be a bother.