To myself
Morning shifts at the rave suck
harder than ever before
working from open till night fall is a big fml
and i get to do it again tomorrow
at least there won't be the church crowd to deal with -_-
I'm broke, I don't even have money in my account that is already reserved for a bill or something
I have 3 dollars sitting in my pocket, 2 of which I don't want to spend b/c it's a nifty 2 dollar bill
and im sitting on a grand total of 45 cents in my bank accounts
...sigh
and this is supposed to get me through till christmas, haha
so, im kind of screwed
I hanged out with Jared today, I find that he is rather good company for me nowadays.
I need someone I can feel so okay with hanging out around, it's hard to find for me since I'm naturally isolating
I won't let myself hermit, I rather build up the habit of staying open to the world and people around me.
Jared and I decorated Kari's christmas tree since she wasn't around to do it
it was something unusually amusing (as in not a video game, movie, or wandering aimlessly around the mall)
and it helped her mom feel better, I could tell she was wanting family company but wasn't going to blatantly say it
Jared and I stood in as two misfit very temporary adoptions I guess, hehe.
We proceeded to eat and play numerous fighting games, new and classic, and of course one zombie shooter game.
Trouble thoughts seldom shuffle through my head, still, but I've been doing better at sorting it out. Taking a break from the ever supplying source of questions and changes will help me to at least eat what I already have on my plate, and hope that I won't be so overwhelmed if I for w/e reason am confronted with some new drastic change in the future.
I had an attack of emotional overload and crying the night before this one, popped two blood vessels in my left eyelids so hard that they bled outwardly. That's a first. And it's a first time in a long time that I've even outright cried, so the suppressed feelings probably assisted in said vessel popping. Tonight, I'm fine, and I'll be fine, I've been at a point where even the worst stuff doesnt defeat me without a LOT of accompanying 'worst stuff'. Having this 'space' to myself will give me some added relaxation, however much I may miss Kari.
I do dread, although try hard not to, what I might return back to if I ever do see her again...
harder than ever before
working from open till night fall is a big fml
and i get to do it again tomorrow
at least there won't be the church crowd to deal with -_-
I'm broke, I don't even have money in my account that is already reserved for a bill or something
I have 3 dollars sitting in my pocket, 2 of which I don't want to spend b/c it's a nifty 2 dollar bill
and im sitting on a grand total of 45 cents in my bank accounts
...sigh
and this is supposed to get me through till christmas, haha
so, im kind of screwed
I hanged out with Jared today, I find that he is rather good company for me nowadays.
I need someone I can feel so okay with hanging out around, it's hard to find for me since I'm naturally isolating
I won't let myself hermit, I rather build up the habit of staying open to the world and people around me.
Jared and I decorated Kari's christmas tree since she wasn't around to do it
it was something unusually amusing (as in not a video game, movie, or wandering aimlessly around the mall)
and it helped her mom feel better, I could tell she was wanting family company but wasn't going to blatantly say it
Jared and I stood in as two misfit very temporary adoptions I guess, hehe.
We proceeded to eat and play numerous fighting games, new and classic, and of course one zombie shooter game.
Trouble thoughts seldom shuffle through my head, still, but I've been doing better at sorting it out. Taking a break from the ever supplying source of questions and changes will help me to at least eat what I already have on my plate, and hope that I won't be so overwhelmed if I for w/e reason am confronted with some new drastic change in the future.
I had an attack of emotional overload and crying the night before this one, popped two blood vessels in my left eyelids so hard that they bled outwardly. That's a first. And it's a first time in a long time that I've even outright cried, so the suppressed feelings probably assisted in said vessel popping. Tonight, I'm fine, and I'll be fine, I've been at a point where even the worst stuff doesnt defeat me without a LOT of accompanying 'worst stuff'. Having this 'space' to myself will give me some added relaxation, however much I may miss Kari.
I do dread, although try hard not to, what I might return back to if I ever do see her again...