Depression Rears It's Ugly Head
It all started last night when my mom came in and said, "Your grandmother is in the hospital" and just went down from there. Apparently, my grandmother had a VERY bad case of pnemonia (sp?) and the doctor thought she might have some type of heart problem. I was SO scared all last night and today. When I got home from work, my mom told me that she went home, which is GREAT, but my mom doesn't know anything else. WHAT?!?!? How do you not know anything else? You freakin' ask her what the doctor said. So, I am not getting any real info and my grandmother doesn't want me to worry so she is not really talking and it's driving me insane.
Anyway, all day today I have been on the brink of crying due to worry about my grandmother and the OVERWHELMING sense of loneliness and despair came over me. Again, probably from the news about my grandmother because I don't have the power to do anything but just sit and wait. Also, I had NO ONE to turn to today and talk about how I was feeling and that made it even worse. Ashley and I texted back and forth for a while and I really appreciate her listening to me and telling me to call her if I get any worse. Even though we have our "riffs" she is still my good friend and I am glad that she was there for a little bit today.
But I am sitting here right now, mad that no one is really telling me anything and scared that I am going to wake up tomorrow and my grandmother is going to be dead or something (that is how my mind works). I love my grandmother sooooo much and I don't want to lose her and this kind of brought it to my attention that she is not going to be around forever (which I knew, but this just made it hit home) and moments like this I hate not being able to control anything.
God, I wish I had someone here to talk to and hug.
Anyway, all day today I have been on the brink of crying due to worry about my grandmother and the OVERWHELMING sense of loneliness and despair came over me. Again, probably from the news about my grandmother because I don't have the power to do anything but just sit and wait. Also, I had NO ONE to turn to today and talk about how I was feeling and that made it even worse. Ashley and I texted back and forth for a while and I really appreciate her listening to me and telling me to call her if I get any worse. Even though we have our "riffs" she is still my good friend and I am glad that she was there for a little bit today.
But I am sitting here right now, mad that no one is really telling me anything and scared that I am going to wake up tomorrow and my grandmother is going to be dead or something (that is how my mind works). I love my grandmother sooooo much and I don't want to lose her and this kind of brought it to my attention that she is not going to be around forever (which I knew, but this just made it hit home) and moments like this I hate not being able to control anything.
God, I wish I had someone here to talk to and hug.