And So It Goes...
Hi... I'm home...
It's been such a long time, and I'm so very tired. Though it's been fun, it has been a very long, challenging summer. As to a mood, I'm not entirely sure how I feel. I'm happy that I can consider myself an alumni of The Cavaliers, glad to have aged out and completed a most challenging season, and I'm extremely proud of what I've accomplished. On the other hand, it's upsetting knowing that I won't ever wear the greens again, that I'll never again truly enjoy the thrill of performing for a 30,000 person crowd, that I'm never likely to play with the sort of brilliant players that I've had the privilege to play with these past two years. I have nothing to truly look forward to as a performer, and that is upsetting. Among many other feelings, I wish I could've had just one more year to run it again...
I look back on the season that had so many incredible, unique challenges not just for me, but the entire corps. A cook truck that sparsley provided power to cook the food, a set of staff members that were all relatively young and inexperienced as far as leading this type of ensemble, an extremely young and inexperienced hornline, busses breaking down, less sleep, a tour schedule that took us all over the United States, literally this time, and a show that rivaled any that we've put to the field in recent years. Each of these led to a season that maybe the Cavaliers weren't used to with a lot of people genuinely upset with their decision to commit the entire summer to a mostly pointless activity.
But of course it's not a pointless activity, and I don't think there is a way to express what you take out of it unless you've done it, and everyone experiences it differently. For me, my patience has been tested, expanded, stretched, and at times completely destroyed. There was the everyday responsibiliy of doing what I had to do as a member of the corps, and then there were the affects of having a girlfriend while doing this activity. I had to work incredibly hard to find some relative balance to the Cavaliers and to Ashley. There were many nights I found myself completely lost as to what I could say or do to make things better. It was especially hard when Ash would get upset and I couldn't be there. Those were the times I felt like my soul was just being torn from me. The activity puts a stress on your body like nothing else, which, being a mental game mostly, drains on the emotion to start. Then my time to talk would be severely limited many of the nights, and this took a major tole on our moods. I think I sent around five or six thousand text messages in the past three months.. needless to say, I am very good at it now.
I have to say that as tour goes on with each day, everything turns to bullshit, including the cell phone policy. By the last couple weeks, I wasn't really working too hard to hide the phone, and I was helping other members get their phones from the "hiding" spot. Eventually, junior officers found out I had the phone, and to my surprise, their reaction was apathetic. We all sort of had a secret society of phones... an inner network of people, working together to keep each others phones charged. I knew exactly who to sleep by and who to find on the bus to work power near the front. We even worked together to find hiding places where we wouldn't be followed or found. Pretty crazy how it all worked out.
But back to the not pointless.. that kinda stuff was dumb, and made life much harder than it had to be. None the less, the summer was about strength and the will to succeed. I spent a lot of time wondering why this corps couldn't be like last years group, where was all the epxerience, why were people looking to me for some kind of leadership? Don't get me wrong, I love leadership, but I haven't earned my time like other dudes did before me.
But then it wasn't the same corps. I won't really talk about any of our experiences but the day of finals. It never really occurs to you that your aging out until you're done rehearsing. We had been through all the end of the year speeches, done the run through, seventy six this year. We sat down as a drum corps around Jeff who went through the logistics, just like it was any show day, with the addition of "if we win" or "if we lose" along with a few other parting words. And of course I sat there and didn't really hear a word. My thoughts were all focused on what happened at the end of the last meeting. Fiedler gave the last order for the arc to be set, minus those that were aging out. We sat down in front of the corps, and for the last time, our corps song was performed as tribute to those of us leaving, a corps tradition. It was the last time the 2007 Cavaliers would perform that song. I sat by my very good friend from the University of Houston, Matt, and we all as age outs, cried away.
After that, show prep was just the same, with a little extra time to clean the gym. We had been staying at La Mirada for six days and there was obvoiusly quite a mess as people prepared their luggage for travel back to the other side of the Earth. I had been smart and prepared my luggage two days earlier, as if I were never going to get it out again. Everything was condenced to two checked bags and two carry-ons. I was ready to go, and yet, I had hardly the desire to leave. As the day wore, I had a horrible sinking feeling, and the closest thing I can relate it to is dieing. As the season had progressed, I felt my body get stronger, I became more talented as a musician and marcher, and I was really in the prime of my career. But as the end gets near, you can't help but feel a little helpless; just as you start to get really good, it all gets taken away from you. I felt that a lot, and I looked on to some of the other guys with a kind of resentment, just for being younger. Still, finals day wasn't about that, after all, there's no reason to fight it when it's all over.
The bus ride was great. I spent the time texting as usual, and enjoying the drive to our warm-up site in Pasadena. All along the road there are mountains rising to either side, well off in the distance. It was like nothing I'd ever seen and I'm glad I have pictures to remember. It really calmed my mind down a bit, and I began to get focused on the task at hand. The warm-up site was no less impressive. A mountain range rose high in the short distance, and trees added to the gorgeous environment. Warm-up was not like 2006... This was a different drum corps. Youth was still evident, but the progress was well beyond that of last year. I have never seen a group grow like this one this year. By the end of the hornline warm-up, I felt incredible. I had a sense of urgency like I had never had before in my life: my thoughts were really on flatening the Rose Bowl more so than it already is.
We drove to the stadium, got off, went to the gate, and did our pre-show rituals... The hand shake, the hugs, and of course fighting more tears. But as the time grew closer, my sense of resolve grew more. It was really strange, something I've never felt before. Haha, at this point I was really just feeling like I wanted to seroiusly hurt something.. like a drunk Blue Devil fan or something. We circled up and sang our corps song and lined up. All around me there was some kinda buzz. We lined up, moved to the tunnel and did our rituals there...Thanks Mike...No clue....SPLOOIE.
The crowd was massive. It encompassed basically an entire half of the Rose Bowl, people sitting plainly in the end zone seats. The crowd gave it up for us as we took the field, louder than usual for this side of the country, and yet they were strangely easy to tune out. The show started and it was on... the relentless drive to nail this show beyond any performance previous, 100%, no more, no less. I can only recall one memory of the run, and it was the ballad... I'm not sure the Cavaliers have played so loud since they were a none-medeling corps. I had goose bumps at the hold at 102, which never happened ever. The plain and simple fact was I enjoyed the living daylights out of the performance, and I could hear everything around me... this years Cavaliers hadn't performed like this at all all season, even in run throughs. I was still exhausted at the end, but it felt amazing. I remember staring into that crowd.. it had been standing since well before we finished the show. We marched off, and I could hear crying behind me. My body felt relieved, thought I started to worry about why there was crying... we're not typically the group that gets all emotional after a performance.
We arc, up just like any other show, and there's more crying, and smiles as I glance around. We are very quickly called to parade rest and relax. Jeff runs up, excited and full of smiles and asks as always "how'd that go?" The corps erupted and hats went in the air and Jeff yelled "Bravisimo!". I turned to my friend and asked why he was crying and he turned to me and said as he broke down, "it was perfect." There weren't any other words for it... the performance had just been simply perfect.
The night carried on as we all knew it would. We all prepared for retreat, screwed around, laughed, played stupid games marching in, and acted generally like idiots in the retreat block. We stood beside the Blue Devils, and they screamed and cheered as they won their championship. Oddly, it was easy to tune them out just like I had the crowd. I reminded myself of a most humbling quote stated by one of our members... "win or lose DCI.. you're still just a marching band."
So the season was over. We circled up one more time, sang Rainbow and the Corps Song and the 2007 Cavaliers Drum and Bugle Corps was disbanded. I took the uniform off for the last time, put up my horn and got everything off the horn bus as it was needed. The rest of the night was dedicated to relaxing with my friends and waitin' to head to the airport. After about two hours in the lot, we gave Pasadena one last look and were on our way to LAX and the Southwest ticketing booth. Most people were drunk, so it was a fun drive. Once at the airport, we had to deal with the other 24 corps that dropped students off. The terminals were packed, kids sprawled out everywhere in their sleeping bags. It was comical. We all just chilled up until they started ticketing at five in the morning. My flight left at eight something, and I passed out almost immediately after taking my seat on the airplane.. I don't remember taking off or landing. I was in Phoenix for an hour, then flew off to Nashville. I landed at 3:00 in the afternoon, proceeded to the shuttle and my travels for the day were finished by 6:45 that night.
I stayed with Ashley the past four days and she and I had a revelation... The strength of our relationship is unbelievably strong. As weak as the summer felt at times, when I was with her, I felt like we never missed a beat. We came out of the tour season stronger than I could've guessed, and we're really so much stronger for it. I had such a good time and I miss her terribly... She's all moved into GT, and I'm so glad she's enjoying it already. I'm honestly just glad I don't have to deal with her mom anymore!
I flew out of Atlanta and flew to Flint yesterday and now I'm finally back home... After three of the most challenging months of my life, I'm finally back sitting where I've sat since I was kid... and it never felt so good. I missed a good chair...
So now it's time to move on. I'm done with drum corps and it's that time to take what I've learned and pass it on. I have no choice but to close this chapter of my life because there really is no going back. My times in the Cavaliers serve as some of the most unique and important experiences of my life, and they are things that have changed me forever. I love my brothers, and I will always be there supporting them through everything. Here's to the greatest drum corps in the world!
1-2-3........ SPLOOIE
Time for bed.. I've writing this for three hours... almost time for Kalamazoo... There on Sunday. Night everyone...
joe