it's over...
troy and i broke up. it happened last night. the fucker didn't even have the courage or common courtesy to call me. he did it through text messaging. oh my god what a pussy.
i feel so many different things right now. i feel used, as if i'm not worth waiting for. his reason for doing it was that he got drunk at a club the other night and he didn't do anything but he's afraid that he will. he doesn't trust himself and he doesn't want to hurt me. i feel like such an idiot. i was counting down the days until he came home. i believed everything he said. he told me he loved me and i thought..i thought it was real. i know i loved him. and deep down i knew it wasn't going to last that long, but it was fun and i wasn't ready to say goodbye yet.
i feel the typical feelings of a woman scorned: disappointment, anger, remorse, regret, disgust, but mostly i feel flawed. as if i were somehow a better person he could have controlled himself and waited for me. i know that's irrational but...
this would be one million times easier if i hadn't been so intimate with him physically. and i wish i hadn't said some of the things i did on sunday when we talked. because i spilled my heart to him and he just soaked it all up, let it feed his ego, and gave me nothing in return.
the only thing that makes me feel somewhat better about this whole thing is i know he will regret it. and there is no way i can ever be with him again because i have lost all trust and respect i once had for him. he says he still wants to be friends because he still cares about me. well fuck that and fuck him too. there is no way we can be friends...not after he did this to me. he has completely shattered my heart and there is no way for him to fix that.
i'm hoping school will be ok today. hoping...
i feel so many different things right now. i feel used, as if i'm not worth waiting for. his reason for doing it was that he got drunk at a club the other night and he didn't do anything but he's afraid that he will. he doesn't trust himself and he doesn't want to hurt me. i feel like such an idiot. i was counting down the days until he came home. i believed everything he said. he told me he loved me and i thought..i thought it was real. i know i loved him. and deep down i knew it wasn't going to last that long, but it was fun and i wasn't ready to say goodbye yet.
i feel the typical feelings of a woman scorned: disappointment, anger, remorse, regret, disgust, but mostly i feel flawed. as if i were somehow a better person he could have controlled himself and waited for me. i know that's irrational but...
this would be one million times easier if i hadn't been so intimate with him physically. and i wish i hadn't said some of the things i did on sunday when we talked. because i spilled my heart to him and he just soaked it all up, let it feed his ego, and gave me nothing in return.
the only thing that makes me feel somewhat better about this whole thing is i know he will regret it. and there is no way i can ever be with him again because i have lost all trust and respect i once had for him. he says he still wants to be friends because he still cares about me. well fuck that and fuck him too. there is no way we can be friends...not after he did this to me. he has completely shattered my heart and there is no way for him to fix that.
i'm hoping school will be ok today. hoping...