so i run away and you still stay...so what the fuck is with you
rain drops on roses.... and tear drops on kittens.
so, i guess i haven't given a REAL update in awhile. so here goes.
and please... if you have something to say... keep it to yourself. i could really give a shit less right now. and these are just my thoughts.
so i'm at pyro's parents house. bc his car died last night. i was SUSPOSTED to be home at 10-10:30PM. but that didn't happen due to pyro's transmission going out. so. i royally fucking pissed of my mom who's only comment was "i can't expect anymore out of you" which, if you know my mom...is some scarcastic bullshit comment to make me feel like shit. and of course, it worked. i tried to tell her that i was doing all i could. i was stuck.... with things beyond my control. so none the less... she is pissed the fuck off. i haven't been back there in a few.... 4 or 5 days. so i can totally understand why she has every right in the world to be mad at me. but... i tried. i really fucking did. i love my mom to death... but there is no way in hell that i can live with her. we are both stubborn, hardheaded, bitches. i've never been able to live with her... so i really don't know what i was thinking... besides not having anywhere else to go. now.. i know i got myself here. and i chose to be doing the shit that i am.. but... i just don't know anymore. i'm in a rut i can't get out of. and over analysing it all is NOT helping in the slightest. i'm fucking 18 yrs old. i need to be in college (but i don't know what i want to study) and i need to be out on my own with a job and a car and not depending on anyone else anymore. SO WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?!?!?!?!?! i'm having fun. i'm hanging out with my best friend and my boyfriend.. and occasionally a few others. i know it wont last forever.. shit... i think i'm finally growing out of it and want to DO something with myself instead of being a lazy fucking bum all the fucking time... who sits there... and does NOTHING. i'm tired of doing NOTHING. i want SOMETHING more. i just don't know how i need to go about getting it. things have been ... so fucked up lately. in the past few months.. i can't even name all the places i've stayed. i had a job.. lost my job. gained some friends ...and realised who my true friends were. i've gained an awesome boyfriend(who is getting my NIRVANA BOX SET for me for christmas :D), and i've experienced things... that i'm goign to take with me the rest of my life. i've grown up a lot and relised that a lot of shit... just doesn't matter and isn't worth my time. i'm learning to stand up for myself and not let people control me all the time.
i knoq i've fucked up a lot of shit in the past, i'm not proud of it... but i don't regret a god damn thing. they make me who i am, and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
i've been waiting for "something to happen" so that my shit would get better. but...pyro made me relise... my shit isn't that bad. i've had to deal with a lot of fucking bullshit...loosing my job and places to stay.. but it doens't matter. i saved... $100 for 4 WEEKS. and just spent it two days ago on brent. random amounts here and there, but $50 on a PS2 holographic controler and the movie Hero. and i still even have 20 bucks left. i think that's the FIRST time i didn't blow a $200 pay check.. in a week. it's almost gone, but... fuck it. i'll get more money and a new job. something has to change.. and it's not going to while i'm sitting on my ass writing this bullshit. bc if something doesn't change soon i think im going to go fucking nuts.
sorry this is a long entry... but i've been wanting to vent to something for a long fucking time. and this thing doesn't talk back.
i need a vacation.....
FIN!!!
so, i guess i haven't given a REAL update in awhile. so here goes.
and please... if you have something to say... keep it to yourself. i could really give a shit less right now. and these are just my thoughts.
so i'm at pyro's parents house. bc his car died last night. i was SUSPOSTED to be home at 10-10:30PM. but that didn't happen due to pyro's transmission going out. so. i royally fucking pissed of my mom who's only comment was "i can't expect anymore out of you" which, if you know my mom...is some scarcastic bullshit comment to make me feel like shit. and of course, it worked. i tried to tell her that i was doing all i could. i was stuck.... with things beyond my control. so none the less... she is pissed the fuck off. i haven't been back there in a few.... 4 or 5 days. so i can totally understand why she has every right in the world to be mad at me. but... i tried. i really fucking did. i love my mom to death... but there is no way in hell that i can live with her. we are both stubborn, hardheaded, bitches. i've never been able to live with her... so i really don't know what i was thinking... besides not having anywhere else to go. now.. i know i got myself here. and i chose to be doing the shit that i am.. but... i just don't know anymore. i'm in a rut i can't get out of. and over analysing it all is NOT helping in the slightest. i'm fucking 18 yrs old. i need to be in college (but i don't know what i want to study) and i need to be out on my own with a job and a car and not depending on anyone else anymore. SO WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?!?!?!?!?! i'm having fun. i'm hanging out with my best friend and my boyfriend.. and occasionally a few others. i know it wont last forever.. shit... i think i'm finally growing out of it and want to DO something with myself instead of being a lazy fucking bum all the fucking time... who sits there... and does NOTHING. i'm tired of doing NOTHING. i want SOMETHING more. i just don't know how i need to go about getting it. things have been ... so fucked up lately. in the past few months.. i can't even name all the places i've stayed. i had a job.. lost my job. gained some friends ...and realised who my true friends were. i've gained an awesome boyfriend(who is getting my NIRVANA BOX SET for me for christmas :D), and i've experienced things... that i'm goign to take with me the rest of my life. i've grown up a lot and relised that a lot of shit... just doesn't matter and isn't worth my time. i'm learning to stand up for myself and not let people control me all the time.
i knoq i've fucked up a lot of shit in the past, i'm not proud of it... but i don't regret a god damn thing. they make me who i am, and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
i've been waiting for "something to happen" so that my shit would get better. but...pyro made me relise... my shit isn't that bad. i've had to deal with a lot of fucking bullshit...loosing my job and places to stay.. but it doens't matter. i saved... $100 for 4 WEEKS. and just spent it two days ago on brent. random amounts here and there, but $50 on a PS2 holographic controler and the movie Hero. and i still even have 20 bucks left. i think that's the FIRST time i didn't blow a $200 pay check.. in a week. it's almost gone, but... fuck it. i'll get more money and a new job. something has to change.. and it's not going to while i'm sitting on my ass writing this bullshit. bc if something doesn't change soon i think im going to go fucking nuts.
sorry this is a long entry... but i've been wanting to vent to something for a long fucking time. and this thing doesn't talk back.
i need a vacation.....
FIN!!!