All seven and we'll watch them fall...
So it's been just about a month since I've posted. I'm alive and well, and in a better state than I was in weeks ago. Apparently my writings were missed as I recieved numerous complaints and tongue lashings in regards to my absense. I don't really know what to put down. I've found that this sort of "This is my journal, this is what happened, this is how I feel" approach is useless to me, and actually makes me more upset in the long run. I think about certain things a lot less when I don't write them down. That all being said, my grandmother just had a grapefruit-sized malignant tumor removed from her abdomen, which was and continues to be upsetting. She's a tough woman built from German fortitude and American tenacity. Still, I'm sending my energy her way.
In other news...I started substitute teaching since I last posted, and it's a lot of fun. It's pretty insane, actually. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's probably the hardest type of teaching to do for various reasons: new students everyday, very little authority, limited time, etc. And before anyone wants to get cute and tell me it's easy, I just have to add that I teach English. To sixth graders. IN COMPTON. But I still strangely enjoy it!
Other than that, I'm just being my esoteric self. I'm still on my Shaman kick, and I'm getting more and more into Sacred Geometry. Funny, since I dislike math so much.
In band news, it looks like we finally got a bassist, which means one step closer to playing live shows. In the meantime we started to record the EP/demo. I laid down 6 drum tracks over 2 sessions, and it came out sounding pretty decent. Once everyone else records and we get it mastered, I'll figure out a way to get it up here.
Also, I'm almost done with my first swing at making a comic book. I actually started it shortly before my LJ hiatus. It's only going to be about 10 pages, but it was just a little experiment I wanted to do using my freewriting and photoshop skills. For those of you myspacers, I have the first page posted in my images. After I do my last few pages I'll see if I can host the .pdf somewhere too.
Ok, that should catch it all up so that I can run away for another month!! We'll see if I can get back into the habit. I'm going to end with a short piece that I wrote a few months ago as part of a collection that's in the works. They all have this sort of "goodbye" motif, and like all my stuff it's...upbeat. Any feedback is cool as always.
"I would have named you Jean Michael if your father would have let me. But he has this unfounded distaste for all things French, with the exception of fries and mustard, of course. When we first started dating, he used to have these barbeques. That’s actually where I met him. That man loved to grill, there’s no doubt about that. I didn’t know it when I first met him, but I’d fall in love with him. Not for his looks - he wasn’t the prettiest picture - but he had this charm, this way of talking to you as if the whole world had stopped to listen. When I dreamed of you, you were born with that charm rather than his long, sallow face and receding hairline.
But Jean Michael, (I’m going to call you that ‘cause it makes this easier) you have to understand that you were never unloved. While your father reserved most of his love for activities, when it came time, he didn’t have any love left for himself. Having a child is a strange and wonderful thing. It takes all the love you have inside you to conceive it, and then all the love you didn’t know you had to raise it. And your father was terrified of emotional management. You have to see that even this is motivated out of love.
I love you so much, my boy. From the moment I felt you spark inside of me, my own heartbeat skipped and changed its rhythm into that of “mother.” But my love is different than your father’s. My love is why I’m still here, and he’s not. My love doesn’t know that fear. It knows that the world is a terrible place, a voice that preys on the weak. I’m doing this to protect you. To protect us. I can’t bring you into this world without armor. I can’t have you struggling your whole life. You deserve privilege, and I can get that for us, just not now.
I can’t have you under these circumstances. You would grow to hate me, hate the father that left you, and with all that hate you’d have no time to find out who you are. Jean Michael, I know who you are, and you will be great. Please don’t hate me. Trust me that this is for the best.
Your mother loves you. I will feel you again soon."
In other news...I started substitute teaching since I last posted, and it's a lot of fun. It's pretty insane, actually. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's probably the hardest type of teaching to do for various reasons: new students everyday, very little authority, limited time, etc. And before anyone wants to get cute and tell me it's easy, I just have to add that I teach English. To sixth graders. IN COMPTON. But I still strangely enjoy it!
Other than that, I'm just being my esoteric self. I'm still on my Shaman kick, and I'm getting more and more into Sacred Geometry. Funny, since I dislike math so much.
In band news, it looks like we finally got a bassist, which means one step closer to playing live shows. In the meantime we started to record the EP/demo. I laid down 6 drum tracks over 2 sessions, and it came out sounding pretty decent. Once everyone else records and we get it mastered, I'll figure out a way to get it up here.
Also, I'm almost done with my first swing at making a comic book. I actually started it shortly before my LJ hiatus. It's only going to be about 10 pages, but it was just a little experiment I wanted to do using my freewriting and photoshop skills. For those of you myspacers, I have the first page posted in my images. After I do my last few pages I'll see if I can host the .pdf somewhere too.
Ok, that should catch it all up so that I can run away for another month!! We'll see if I can get back into the habit. I'm going to end with a short piece that I wrote a few months ago as part of a collection that's in the works. They all have this sort of "goodbye" motif, and like all my stuff it's...upbeat. Any feedback is cool as always.
"I would have named you Jean Michael if your father would have let me. But he has this unfounded distaste for all things French, with the exception of fries and mustard, of course. When we first started dating, he used to have these barbeques. That’s actually where I met him. That man loved to grill, there’s no doubt about that. I didn’t know it when I first met him, but I’d fall in love with him. Not for his looks - he wasn’t the prettiest picture - but he had this charm, this way of talking to you as if the whole world had stopped to listen. When I dreamed of you, you were born with that charm rather than his long, sallow face and receding hairline.
But Jean Michael, (I’m going to call you that ‘cause it makes this easier) you have to understand that you were never unloved. While your father reserved most of his love for activities, when it came time, he didn’t have any love left for himself. Having a child is a strange and wonderful thing. It takes all the love you have inside you to conceive it, and then all the love you didn’t know you had to raise it. And your father was terrified of emotional management. You have to see that even this is motivated out of love.
I love you so much, my boy. From the moment I felt you spark inside of me, my own heartbeat skipped and changed its rhythm into that of “mother.” But my love is different than your father’s. My love is why I’m still here, and he’s not. My love doesn’t know that fear. It knows that the world is a terrible place, a voice that preys on the weak. I’m doing this to protect you. To protect us. I can’t bring you into this world without armor. I can’t have you struggling your whole life. You deserve privilege, and I can get that for us, just not now.
I can’t have you under these circumstances. You would grow to hate me, hate the father that left you, and with all that hate you’d have no time to find out who you are. Jean Michael, I know who you are, and you will be great. Please don’t hate me. Trust me that this is for the best.
Your mother loves you. I will feel you again soon."