More on issues with my mother.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Griping about her griping definitely doesn't make a right.
... I've just grown very, very weary of having to be submissive to her.
I told her so many times that I would help her during that party.
She told me that I have to be there to help her, "not have another agenda like your dad, always in his own world, he's no help."
... I think she doesn't like me having a life of my own.
And this is the root of most of the problems in my life.
I know I have acted this way, and I have apologized. I still do.
I refuse to turn into her. I know I have already done too much to others because I have [turned into her].
That's why I'm trying to turn the tide while I can. Shove with all my might.
She's stubborn. She doesn't listen. She thinks she's the only one who is right.
... Sounds like me, all right.
I can admit that I have been wrong. I'm trying to make up for my ways.
She complained so much about not having relatives and not being a rich housewife that goes to get manicures and just has everyone else do the work. I told her that I would've been fine not having a party, that I thought we'd just have one in the house. It didn't need to be some big she-bang. She said that she'd promised me one-- I remember differently. I remember her telling me I didn't need one, and to grow up.
I told her that if she was going to complain so much I'd rather not even have the party.
She said she wasn't griping but then continued to do so.
I asked her what I had to wear and I also told her that I was hoping to wear my graduation dress; next to no one had seen it. But she said that that dress "had no wow factor," and I was insulted. Because I personally like that dress a lot and I wanted to wear it especially because we bought it from the Philippines.
So, straight-faced and tired of feeling defeated, I told her,
"I'll go look for a dress with you, because nothing's good enough for you and I'd rather wait because if I don't and if I try to get one myself, you'll only tell me something's not right with it and I'd rather not go through that."
... Yes, I'm awful.
You know what.
I don't feel like finishing this post now.
I just feel a great lack of spirit.
I'm trying to be there for everyone else.
I'm trying to just do... something... I don't know what, with her.
I mean. she's not easy to deal with, I know I'm not,
but I am not her.
I just want to be myself.
Griping about her griping definitely doesn't make a right.
... I've just grown very, very weary of having to be submissive to her.
I told her so many times that I would help her during that party.
She told me that I have to be there to help her, "not have another agenda like your dad, always in his own world, he's no help."
... I think she doesn't like me having a life of my own.
And this is the root of most of the problems in my life.
I know I have acted this way, and I have apologized. I still do.
I refuse to turn into her. I know I have already done too much to others because I have [turned into her].
That's why I'm trying to turn the tide while I can. Shove with all my might.
She's stubborn. She doesn't listen. She thinks she's the only one who is right.
... Sounds like me, all right.
I can admit that I have been wrong. I'm trying to make up for my ways.
She complained so much about not having relatives and not being a rich housewife that goes to get manicures and just has everyone else do the work. I told her that I would've been fine not having a party, that I thought we'd just have one in the house. It didn't need to be some big she-bang. She said that she'd promised me one-- I remember differently. I remember her telling me I didn't need one, and to grow up.
I told her that if she was going to complain so much I'd rather not even have the party.
She said she wasn't griping but then continued to do so.
I asked her what I had to wear and I also told her that I was hoping to wear my graduation dress; next to no one had seen it. But she said that that dress "had no wow factor," and I was insulted. Because I personally like that dress a lot and I wanted to wear it especially because we bought it from the Philippines.
So, straight-faced and tired of feeling defeated, I told her,
"I'll go look for a dress with you, because nothing's good enough for you and I'd rather wait because if I don't and if I try to get one myself, you'll only tell me something's not right with it and I'd rather not go through that."
... Yes, I'm awful.
You know what.
I don't feel like finishing this post now.
I just feel a great lack of spirit.
I'm trying to be there for everyone else.
I'm trying to just do... something... I don't know what, with her.
I mean. she's not easy to deal with, I know I'm not,
but I am not her.
I just want to be myself.