If wishes were fishes....
We'd be fucking dead of fish induced suffocation in ten minutes or less of that half of the proverb coming true.
Regardless of how badly someone wants something, they're just gonna get fished to death.
Bah.
I feel strangely distant from what I know I should be feeling--quite possibly a massive horrifying depression in which I cry a lot and watch horrible chick movies, and eat myself into a coma in a pathetic attempt to numb the pain.
Actually, I still might do that, just for the hell of it.
---Either way, it feels like something's been ripped out of my chest and replaced with a numb, fluffy stuffing, and that sooner or later, I'm going to lose the numbness, and wail like a banshee or some wailing thing, for something that never really had a chance from the moment I opened my mouth and said that I didn't want to have kids. And when that happens, when I lose the numbness and the emotional distance, it's going to hurt like nothing has ever hurt before.
It doesn't help at all that I confirmed this by asking what would have happened if I had wanted kids, even with the vagueness of the response.
I think, that right now, would be a really good time to go buy as big a stuffed bear as I possibly can find. I'm going to need something to curl up against, now that I'm effectively, sadly single now. Not like I ever left that status, but whatever.
Doesn't matter anyway when you can't have any kind of relationship with the one you love beyond 'fuck buddy,' because of two seperate life goals.