Movie Review: Pompeii
I went into this hearing it was bad, but going okay, I love disaster movies, so maybe I'll be okay.
WRONG.
The first half: I don't really know what happened. I watched 15 mintues of it, thought it was crap, and decided to fast forward to the part where the volcano errupted.
Once the volcano errupted: Really, it was shit. They spent more time slow-mowing Kit Harington on a horse than they did anything with the volcano. Lots of things fell from the sky, a tidal wave happened (that was kind of cool), the pyroclastic flow killed everyone. Only none of it was cool. it was just cheesy. They took a perfectly good volcano, and made it dumb. They made it a stupid love story that had no foundation, with a woman whose face appeared to be more silicon than actual facial muscles, and a dude who, admittedly, looks really good with his shirt off.
Can we talk about the part where a fucking volcano is errupting, and I can't actually remember the girl's name becuase she's that stupid walked VERY FUCKING SLOWLY over to where the bodies of her parents are? And Kit H. just lets her? Not that there is a time crunch or anything. Oh no.
Or the bit at the end where their bodies were captured perfectly in ash, kissing? Nope. They would have been blown off their feet by the force of the wind. (I think. I feel like that sounds scientific. If that wind flattens trees, it's not going to leave two lovers standing, I don't care how great their hair is.)
Good points:
-Kiefer Sutherland. He's just awesome in anything.
-Kit Harington's beautiful man muscles and floppy hair.
-the soundtrack
-literally nothing else.
My thought upon finishing the film was "way to horribly ruin what was one of the most horrific disasters in human history, assholes."
I'm going to watch a Nova volcano documentary now and pout.
WRONG.
The first half: I don't really know what happened. I watched 15 mintues of it, thought it was crap, and decided to fast forward to the part where the volcano errupted.
Once the volcano errupted: Really, it was shit. They spent more time slow-mowing Kit Harington on a horse than they did anything with the volcano. Lots of things fell from the sky, a tidal wave happened (that was kind of cool), the pyroclastic flow killed everyone. Only none of it was cool. it was just cheesy. They took a perfectly good volcano, and made it dumb. They made it a stupid love story that had no foundation, with a woman whose face appeared to be more silicon than actual facial muscles, and a dude who, admittedly, looks really good with his shirt off.
Can we talk about the part where a fucking volcano is errupting, and I can't actually remember the girl's name becuase she's that stupid walked VERY FUCKING SLOWLY over to where the bodies of her parents are? And Kit H. just lets her? Not that there is a time crunch or anything. Oh no.
Or the bit at the end where their bodies were captured perfectly in ash, kissing? Nope. They would have been blown off their feet by the force of the wind. (I think. I feel like that sounds scientific. If that wind flattens trees, it's not going to leave two lovers standing, I don't care how great their hair is.)
Good points:
-Kiefer Sutherland. He's just awesome in anything.
-Kit Harington's beautiful man muscles and floppy hair.
-the soundtrack
-literally nothing else.
My thought upon finishing the film was "way to horribly ruin what was one of the most horrific disasters in human history, assholes."
I'm going to watch a Nova volcano documentary now and pout.