:: pleasure and pain
I don't talk about horses as much as I used to. It's something I do every Saturday from 12:00 to 1:00 ..an hour a week, opposed to two. My schedule is too tight. I do it for pleasure, the perfect drug along with music, to get away from the stressy real world and simply forget about all. The pleasure of not having no pressures. Of course last Saturday was not perfect, they were taking pictures during my lessons of every horse [I was the only one who didn't own a true horse, thus using one of the stables] And of course my horse was afraid of the flashlight.
However!
The teacher [also owner of the stables] said to my parents that I had talents and it would have been a waste if I don't do anything with it. Not that I ride perfect or anything, just that I ride good and that I should do something with it. A good thing? Of course!
The entire world would say..except for, well ..me.
I can't say that it's not great to hear, but it adds up another pressure seeing as he first talked to my parents. That, coupled with the fact that riding is my relaxation, do you think I'd be just as relaxed when I'm going to ride competition for dressage? No, not exactly.
The same as with work, my boss of the store asked if I wanted to do the management training and climb up the scale, I already have more responsibility. But, I don't want to. [The fact that my own dep. manager is making a living hell there for me is completely different]
But the point is, I don't ask for "more", I don't want to be "better", I don't push myself to the spotlights, all I am is all I could be -- "me". Now my "parents", "family" and even "work" and now "horse back riding" are pushing me under the pressure to gain even more out of myself. It has now gotten to a point where it's ridiculous.
And all I want to do now is fail...
However!
The teacher [also owner of the stables] said to my parents that I had talents and it would have been a waste if I don't do anything with it. Not that I ride perfect or anything, just that I ride good and that I should do something with it. A good thing? Of course!
The entire world would say..except for, well ..me.
I can't say that it's not great to hear, but it adds up another pressure seeing as he first talked to my parents. That, coupled with the fact that riding is my relaxation, do you think I'd be just as relaxed when I'm going to ride competition for dressage? No, not exactly.
The same as with work, my boss of the store asked if I wanted to do the management training and climb up the scale, I already have more responsibility. But, I don't want to. [The fact that my own dep. manager is making a living hell there for me is completely different]
But the point is, I don't ask for "more", I don't want to be "better", I don't push myself to the spotlights, all I am is all I could be -- "me". Now my "parents", "family" and even "work" and now "horse back riding" are pushing me under the pressure to gain even more out of myself. It has now gotten to a point where it's ridiculous.
And all I want to do now is fail...