love is so short, forgetting is so long
how can the smell of smoke remind me of one person? solely one person, whom i didn't even like. in fact i loathed him. the feeling of cold and the smell and taste of smoke is all him. it's certainly not fair, at all. and i hate how memories are so refined. no that's not the right word. they are. they make things seem better than they really were. and it's confusing. because then you end up missing those things for no goddamn reason at all. maybe i didn't hate him. maybe i only hated him because i couldn't be like him. no, i hated him. but now a piece of me is still with him. and i like it that way. even though i hope we never have to speak or see each other ever again.
am i the only one who only likes themselves when they are alone? the only time i ever feel intelligent or ''cool'' or worthwhile is when i'm alone. preferably driving in my car smoking a cigarette and listening to something really good. and if someone were with me i'd be wondering if they thought the music was really that good. or i'd feel angry if they didn't think so. or embarrassed for them if they pretended to like it and sing the words wrong and tap the beats wrong. the only person i've ever felt intelligent cool and worthwhile around is ashley ames. and why did she have to move? why? why? why? we were made for each other. but we are probably nothing like we were. and it would never be like it was. is this just another one of my refined memories? i really hope not. and i truly believe that it isn't. and i'm satisfied with that. as long as i can remember it. i'll be happy enough.
am i the only one who only likes themselves when they are alone? the only time i ever feel intelligent or ''cool'' or worthwhile is when i'm alone. preferably driving in my car smoking a cigarette and listening to something really good. and if someone were with me i'd be wondering if they thought the music was really that good. or i'd feel angry if they didn't think so. or embarrassed for them if they pretended to like it and sing the words wrong and tap the beats wrong. the only person i've ever felt intelligent cool and worthwhile around is ashley ames. and why did she have to move? why? why? why? we were made for each other. but we are probably nothing like we were. and it would never be like it was. is this just another one of my refined memories? i really hope not. and i truly believe that it isn't. and i'm satisfied with that. as long as i can remember it. i'll be happy enough.