[Fic] Axel/Roxas -- You Leave Me Breathless (When You're Gone)
Title: You Leave Me Breathless (When You're Gone)
Series: [Crossover] Kingdom Hearts/Inception
Pairing/Characters: Axel, Sora, Riku, Kairi, Axel/Roxas
Rating: PG-15 for some heavy petting.
Total length: 6,117
Warnings: Angst. Lots of angst. Dream fuckery and a manipulation of myths. Also, this weird formatting that I'm experimenting with. Hopefully that isn't too confusing.
Summary: It's not a dream, remember us~ We'll find our place in time to call our own.
Author's Note: Summary stolen shamelessly from Amanda Abizaid. The lyrics are from A Place in Time, which is a short but really awesome song. Title is from Breathless by Dan Wilson. Written for my au_bingo square, "Alternate History: Someone died/didn’t come back". Card can be found here.
It starts with a question, a sentence, a thought, and a myth. It starts before things begin, before the lies and the jobs and the dreams. It starts on one cool night when their love is still fresh, still new.
It's a nice night, the sky almost purple and mostly clear, dotted with the occasional silver cloud. The ocean echoes all around them, crashes against the coast- in, out, in, out- The surf laps at their bare feet, playful, and Axel wonders if maybe they should move up the coast a bit since the tide's clearly coming in. He almost says it too, opens his mouth and squeezes Roxas' fingers-
"They say that if one twin dies before the other, their heart goes back to where it belongs. That its soul steps out of its previous body and merges back with the rest of its heart." Roxas' voice is quiet with revelation, as if the rare mist cloaking the surface of the island has made him realize things that no human has any right to worry about at sixteen.
Axel doesn't believe in destiny.
"They also say that twins are the reincarnations of lovers, and I don't see you making out with Sora."
A pause and Axel tugs twice on their joined hands, squints through the fog over at Roxas, "You aren't, right?"
Roxas sighs. Asks, "Do you think that's true, Axel?"
It takes a moment for Axel to get that he isn't talking about his illicit incestuous love affair, but ignoring the question entirely and returning to his point. Axel huffs and shivers away from the fogs reach. Curls closer to Roxas so their sides are pressed flush together. "I really don't know, Rox. Why so philosophical all of a sudden?"
Roxas shakes his head, tears his gaze away from the constellations and down to their joined hands. "No reason."
Time passes. The world unravels. A ball of yarn coming apart bit by bit and-
In the end, it's Kairi who has to come get him. Kairi who tracks him down to his little hovel in the shadier district of Twilight Town, Kairi who strides past all the crack dealers and corner variety two cent whores and finds door 138 of a downtrodden, unnamed building that's supposed to be an apartment complex. It's Kairi who glares at him when she flings open the door, long enough that he has to set the bong down on the floor in case she decides that she's angry enough to smash it. It's Kairi who finds him, but it's the tall, silver haired boy at her heels who actually gets him moving.
It's Riku's fist to his face, the bruises smeared across the skin just under his eyes, Riku's broken voice when he hisses, "What the fuck, Axel?" that finally makes something click.
The shores of Sora's subconscious looks like Destiny Islands.
Kairi sips her strawberry milkshake like she's afraid of it, shuffling in her seat almost constantly- chewing on the tip of the straw until it's a shriveled, wrinkled thing that the ice cream refuses to come out of. She's got a hand up on the table and she drums her fingers against it, an incessant tap tap tap that's so familiar that Axel's fumbling in his pocket for his totem before he can remember that it's gone, lost forever in fire and steel and-
It's okay though, Kairi's nails- chewed ragged and painful to bear in their plainness- tell him enough. He misses the vibrant pinks, the neon greens and the way Sora used to tease her about it mercilessly. The way his voice had hitched when he giggled and said, "Jesus Kai, they're gonna turn yellow and fall off" and how Kairi had huffed and fanned her wet nails, iridescent and wet and a color blue only found in the digital world, too bright and vibrant to belong to reality. He remembers the way she'd turned to her left and how the person sitting there had looked up from meticulously applying his own coating of Bubble me blue and laughed when he said-
"C'mon Sora, dont'cha wanna paint yours? We've got pink."
Everything about the place is perfect. If Axel didn't know better he'd almost think he was actually standing on the little play island that they used to go to when they were kids, and then, later; whenever they needed a quiet place to think up new designs. He can almost see them, Kairi peering over her younger sister's shoulder, occasionally pointing out alternate routes or better corridors while Namine sketches dreamscapes into the damp sand. Sora bickering with Riku out by the old Paopu tree, drawing up new diagnostics, new choreographed fights that might work to their advantage and Roxas-
He can see Roxas. Still halfway into the surf and staring out at the sun with a look of such utter longing on his face that Axel's heart pitter patters unevenly against his chest and sweet, glorious pain lances starburst bright across his chest- It's been so long, so long since he's felt anything and it feels- it feels-
Roxas turns and looks at him and the smile that breaks out across his face makes Axel take back the previous thought. No, he'd definitely preferred the cool morphine buzz of numbness.
"-We know you're the only one who can reach him, Axel."
He scoffs and gestures with one hand, almost knocks over Riku's boring vanilla shake in his vehemence. "And what makes you say that, Kai? I'm hardly trained anymore. I'm rusty and hardly qualified and I'll probably get us all killed-"
"You wouldn't."
"-nd, wait, what?"
Riku shrugs and pale hair spills over his shoulder in a long, colorless waterfall. The waitress bustles up to them again and when no one says anything to her enquiring How are the shakes? she stammers something and hurries away, flustered, and Riku still doesn't take his eyes off his.
"I said, you wouldn't get us killed."
Axel splutters and the smirk that spreads across Riku's lips is mean- reminds Axel why they always had Riku play the part of bad cop in their extractions. He leans forward across the table, rests his chin on his folded hands and his eyes glitter with malice, when he says, "You won't get us killed Axel, because you'll be going under alone."
There's silence in the little diner, enough of a lull in conversation that Axel can hear the clacking of knives in the kitchen, the hiss of meat on the grill, the kitchen staff laughing and joking amongst each other and he thinks he can hear someone singing one of the new pop hits but-
"Excuse me?" he hisses between clenched teeth, knuckles going white as his fist clenches and maybe he should be reminding Riku why he was always the bad guy-
Riku just glares back, green eyes narrowed and spitting fire.
Kairi's sigh cuts through the tension, tired and irritated. She raises one hand to signal the waitress for the check- starts fumbling in her purse halfheartedly for the money. Once she's sent the money and the check off with the waitress she looks back at them, twirls her straw, considering.
"Fact of the matter is, it's too dangerous for anyone else to go in. Axel, keep in mind that we've tried wading through the first few levels of dream. The deeper we go, the worse he is. He just isn't there." She flinches in remembrance and drops her gaze back to the table, doesn't even notice when Riku drapes a comforting arm around her shoulders.
"Well, he is there, but it's... it isn't really him. It's... something else. It drips with shadow and black and his eyes- Axel, they aren't normal- it's just-"
Riku squeezes her shoulder and she drops a frantic hand into her pocket, pulls out the thalassa shell good luck charm that she'd made all those years ago. It gleams purple and silver in the florescent light and her breathing hitches when she lets it clatter out onto the table in front of her. They all stare at the miniature carving of Sora's initials, the chicken scratch that had once upon a time made her shriek at him for ruining her charm. Now, well. The initials never exist in the dream world, even when the dreamer knows they're there. None of them were ever entirely sure why.
She takes a deep breath through her nose, and looks at Axel, calm once more.
"Axel, you're the only one who would be able to get in that deep and you know it. You're the only one that he'd let in. Any of us go in and everything will be over before we remember that we're in a dream."
"But-"
"Axel. Please. He needs you." She chokes on a bitter laugh, lets Riku tuck her even closer against his side. "Fuck, Axel, they need you."
He closes his eyes and mutters a quick and sullen "Fine" into the palm of his hand. Really, the decision had been made before she'd even asked.
"Axel," Roxas says, legs dragging through the surf and kicking up orange and golden droplets every which way. He's smiling still, wide and open and honest, and when he reaches Axel he flings his arms around the red head's waist in a hug hard enough that it knocks them both backward into the sand. He nuzzles into the wet skin at Axel's stomach, that little pale sliver that's showing between the hiked up t-shirt and plain jeans, mutters "I missed you" into it.
He's warm. Axel wouldn't have thought that he'd be warm.
It hurts.
But he has a job to do. The first deep breath makes him stop wanting to snap his fingers and see if flame spouts from them, the second restarts his heart.
The third one and he says, "Jesus, Roxas. I see you still weigh a ton."
They have to fly back to Destiny Islands to actually do the job, and Axel has quiet hysterics in his seat for the entire duration of the three hour flight, downing bottle after tiny fucking bottle of skyy vodka while Riku and Kairi link their hands across the aisle. He likes to pretend that they aren't watching him, that he can't feel Kairi's sad looks or Riku's irritated ones over his shoulder.
When he finally can't pretend anymore, he closes his eyes and lets the buzz of alcohol carry him into sleep.
.
He dreams of the curve of Roxas' smile, the knobs of his spine and the sweat slick skin at the small of his back. He dreams of licking it up, the salt heavy on his tongue, and of Roxas laughing- loud and openly happy, blue eyes affectionate and mouth quirked just so when he says, "I lov-"
.
Axel wakes up to wet cheeks and a flight attendant grimacing as she shakes him awake, muttering about how they shouldn't sell alcohol on three hour flights before she realizes he's awake. He wakes to Kairi watching him with rapt eyes and Riku glaring at him with something like jealousy.
He can't speak over the pounding of his heart, can't think enough to say, "Don't worry, first dream I've had in eight years."
The Destiny Island sunshine feels like hellfire.
Roxas doesn't let them go back to the mainland, just tugs him into the shade of the palm trees and fumbles for something at his side. Axel loses himself in examining the island, comparing the blue of the waterfall to that in his memory- the splintered old ship that's still leaning faintly to the right, the vines stretching across the entrance to the secret place and the little crumbling shack where they'd spent so many nights huddled together- hidden away from the rest of the world.
It's all there. Perfect and clear, not a single flaw in any of it- just perfection and Axel doesn't think that's quite right because Namine and Kairi were always the artistic ones, not-
"Ice cream?"
He shakes his head and turns toward Roxas, smiles and accepts the treat without thinking too hard about how it had been magicked into being on a hot beach, still perfectly frozen. Doesn't want to draw attention to the flaws of the dream just yet.
Roxas bites into his, a contemplative look in his eyes as he digs bare toes into the sand- lets it slowly sift through them. The fabricated breeze is cool, even if the sun itself is hot as hell, and it just figures that this part of limbo would have the perfect weather. A fish jumps, too high, and Axel holds his breath and waits for it to grow wings.
"So, what do you wanna do today?" Roxas asks, and Axel wrenches his gaze away from the fish as it starts to descend- Roxas has his eyes narrowed in mischief, smile just a little bit wicked.
"We could steal Riku and Sora's swords and hide them on the other side of the island. That could work. Or maybe mess up Namine's sandcastles before the tide can get to them. Or we could-" Roxas continues, and Axel laughs because-
"Roxas, do you know why the sun sets red?"
The area between Roxas' brows go all crinkled and it's so cute, so similar to what it used to be. Helpless, enraptured by this siren song, Axel leans forward and taps his finger gently against that area of skin- watches it smooth out and thinks I want to kiss it. Leans forward and does so just to hear Roxas complain. When he pulls away, his lips are tingling and they taste like salt water. He chuckles a little and says, "To let you know what time of day it is, Rox."
Roxas looks surprised, glancing over at the sun slowly drooping behind the horizon, at the orange and golden water and says, "Oh".
He sounds so fucking startled, so caught off guard by something he'd been watching before Axel showed up that Axel isn't sure if he's about to realize what this is.
"Well then, I guess we could always- um. Well." he stammers for a minute, his eyes glancing back and forth between the tree house and Axel, because if it's sunset that means Riku and Sora will be using the shack to get back and forth off paopu island and well-
Axel laughs again, even if his heart is shriveling a little bit, stomach going sour even though the idea of touching Roxas again is absolutely wonderful. He thinks for a moment, I should tell him now, just tell him and find Sora, get out before things have a chance to crash around them but-
He rolls to his feet and pulls Roxas up with him, lets them stagger for a moment against each other before pulling him toward the tree house. He hopes that his smile doesn't look as cracked and broken as he feels. His smile is full of promise, eyes half lidded and he watches Roxas' cheeks darken-
Temptation was always hard to resist.
Axel doesn't really remember how they'd gotten into the business of dreams. Which, normally, would be absolutely terrifying because it's when you don't remember how you got somewhere that things begin to go awry. But Axel's pretty confident in what is and isn't reality just because, if this were a dream, he'd feel a bit more like he had a heart. A bit more alive.
Destiny Islands is just how he remembers it, palm trees and sand everywhere, even in the gutters. The houses are just as pretty, just as beachy, not a hint of the cold, grey skyscraper world of the city or the suburban ghost town of Twilight. It makes Axel feel a little sick, all the memories in this place rising like the tide. He's just happy that they're still on the mainland, not their island, because then he'd be drowning in the memories.
Already he's spotted the ice cream vendor that Sora and Roxas would race each other for, the palm tree with the scar that says 8 x 13 = ♥, the place where Roxas had stood when he'd stammered out that first terribly awkward confession and he's drowning in yesterday, can't swim free-
Kairi's explaining things to him at his side, gesturing with dainty hands and Riku's a few steps behind him, watching Axel look around with a knowing look in his eye. Axel kind of wants to slap him, wants to split his knuckles open on those pretty white teeth cause the little fucker always was too perceptive, even when they were kids.
Kairi comes to a stop at her house, the biggest one in sight and Axel thinks that being the daughter of the mayor obviously comes with its perks. He wonders if she's the sole owner of the place now, if her parents are still in the picture.
She fumbles the keys when they're walking up the porch stairs, and Axel thinks that the wood feels more fragile, sagging and creaking under their weight like the old shack. Idly, he wonders if it's age or if the Islands have been getting a lot of storms for the past few years.
The click of the lock sounds absurdly loud against the backdrop of waves and gulls, makes him want to flinch because he remembers that sound, remembers Sora locking things away in the depths of the mark's mind or unlocking a vital piece of information and it's all just too familiar.
The interior of the house is cold, dark- all the blinds pulled shut as if to ward off intruders. Axel sways a bit when the dim light makes its way through the blinds and curtains to illuminate a single picture frame, emblazoned with shells of all shapes and sizes. They're all there, Namine bent over one of her sand castles with Kairi standing rigidly at her shoulder, pink mouth half open, mid-shout because Sora had tripped and gotten watermelon juice all over her dress. Riku's standing a bit to the side, foot still outstretched and grinning behind his fist, watching Sora hold his hands up in apology. Roxas- well, Roxas is sitting close to Namine, studying the various levels of the castle- his arm stretched across the sand so he could link hands with Axel.
Axel still remembers that photo, and the sandcastle they'd been gathered around. She'd called it Castle Oblivion, said that it was her biggest work of art yet. And it had been, serving them ridiculously well as a dreamscape. They'd managed to cram thirteen levels of dream into it, a number that anyone else would call impossible, too dangerous and unstable.
They'd had to stop using it, of course, because turns out thirteen levels was too dangerous. They'd started losing their memories after only a few levels down and by the time they were at the thirteenth- well, if it hadn't been for Kairi pulling them out- Axel doesn't even want to consider what could have happened.
He staggers against Riku, closing his eyes against the onslaught of memories. Surprisingly, Riku doesn't deck him for it. Instead he sighs, lets out all that pain and anger in one hot breath against the nape of Axel's neck and tugs him back- wraps his arms around Axel's waist and just holds him there. Breathing.
It's strange. Makes him think of times when they'd been best friends, before either of them had even met Sora or any of them. Makes him think of Roxas, just a little bit and that is why he eventually has to politely push away.
Riku gives him a tentative smile in the darkness, punches his arm in quiet apology, before turning back to Kairi whose watching them with something like relief in her eyes. He doesn't know why Riku's changed so drastically. Maybe he's realized that if this job goes badly, Axel won't be around for him to hate. Yeah, that was probably it.
He takes two steps into the house, feels the wood creak beneath him, smells Kairi's mother's potpourri and the faint age old scent of cuban cigars.
It feels like home; good and warm and impossibly wonderful. But then he thinks, I wonder where they're keeping him, and the feeling is snuffed out like a candle.
Roxas tastes like salt. He tastes like salt and sand and beach water, but mostly he tastes like broken dreams.
Axel keeps his eyes open as he sinks back onto Roxas' cock. Doesn't think about how he's already slick inside, tight, but loose enough that it's like he's already been scissored open. He focuses on the burn of Roxas inside him, the gasps he makes and the memory of Sora's voice in his head, from that day he'd first woken up with blood coating his teeth, when he'd smiled wryly and said, "Your mind makes it real."
It's good, so good, and he chants brokenly against Roxas' neck when he comes- ruts down shamelessly and lets Roxas come deep inside of him so that maybe, when he wakes up this will be real.
They keep him in Kairi's old bedroom and he looks obscene against the magenta sheets, too pale- almost gray and so very sick, too many wires in addition to the PASIV he's already hooked into. There's another needle laying next to his and it beckons to him, makes him want to run as much as he wants to slide into that chair and jump right in.
So he does a little bit of both. Let's Kairi slip a syringe beneath his skin full of... something. He really hopes they'd gone to Zexion for the sedative, because if they'd gone to Vexen... well, they both had a reason to hate Axel, but Zexion at least pretended like he didn't.
The sedative hits before he's even properly seated and he has to continuously shake his head to stay awake long enough for Kairi to do some last minute explaining while she hooks him in.
The second the needle bites he's under, the waves roaring around him and he tastes salt water and yes-
Roxas is grinning into Axel's neck, their legs tangled together and Axel feels so very sick at his own happiness.
"You aren't real, you know." he says, and his chest is clenching and unclenching, heart thundering up his throat. It stays there, beating, and it's like voicing it makes it real because sobs bubble up his throat like they want to choke him. He can't look at Roxas, can't see how he's reacted to this- if his eyes are going dark with anger or if he's crying or if things are going to start exploding so Axel goes on, because he has to get this out before it kills him.
"You died," he says as the first tear slides down his cheek. He clears his throat when the sobs building there threaten to drown out the words. "Car wreck," he chokes.
"We were going to go meet Kairi, Riku, and your brother for a job and it was just us in the car." A laugh wraps around his esophagus, just a little bit hysterical and he can't handle any of this. "A fucking car crash, after what we did for a living."
"It was just a fucking accident. Some kid's brakes went out and he just- hit us. Knocked us right off the road and down that big fucking hill you were always terrified of driving up."
He looks at Roxas now, because he can't stop himself, has to look in case this is his last image, in case Roxas winks out right there. But he's just watching Axel, face a little blank, eyes a little bit dim. Axel thinks he might be hyperventilating a bit, maybe, because he hasn't talked about this to anyone, not since he'd woken up in a hospital with Kairi sobbing on his shoulder.
"An accident, " he whispers, because for all he drinks now, he never had back then. His fingers thread through Roxas' hair and he wants to fucking scream because Sora had even gotten the fucking texture right.
"The only thing I remember is fire. I don't even remember what you looked like when it happened, Rox. You grabbed my hand and then I knocked my head up against the fucking wheel- don't even remember going down the hill. I just woke up a week later without you or that fucking lighter and shit, Rox, do you know what it's like to go through that and wake up without your totem?"
It hurts, saying it. Hurts the way the numbness hasn't let it up til now and oh god- Roxas must-
"I know."
Roxas is smiling, too sadly, but he burrows closer- tucks his head up under Axel's chin. The tears burn, the sobs choke and he wishes so fucking much that he had been the one. That it had been him-
"It's okay, Axel. I've known for awhile." He frowns, and his lashes flutter against Axel's throat, makes him think of giggling butterfly kisses in the sand, of breathless nights when they'd forgotten how to fuck and just learned to love
"Sora won't listen to me," he says, and isn't that the issue here. That Sora isn't listening.
What he wants is to press himself closer, to inhale Roxas and lock him away where he can't get away again. He wants to close his eyes and forget everything but the warmth of finally being whole again, for the first time in so many fucking years. But he can't, so instead he opens his eyes, takes a deep breath and says, "Take me to him."
Axel first met Roxas when he was in the ninth grade. He'd been caught with cherry bombs in the teacher's bathroom and instead of just slipping him into detention again like normal teachers, they'd grinned at him and made him volunteer at the local middle school.
Roxas had been short, even for a sixth grader, and he was absolutely dreadful at math.
The first thing he'd ever said to Axel was, "Oh god, you're my tutor?" lips sneering and tone as derisive as a boy whose voice hasn't started cracking would allow. The first thing Axel had said back was "Let's start easy, what's eight times thirteen?"
When Roxas had scowled and been unable to answer, Axel had kind of wanted to strangle himself, vowing to never touch cherry bombs again.
(Of course, that had lasted for about three months before he'd taken Roxas down to the docks to teach the kid how to properly light and toss them at the gulls.)
The secret place is too dark, overgrown with moss and vines, and Axel stumbles against Roxas twice before Roxas takes pity on him and blinks twice, lets an orb of light hover indecisively in his hand as they make their way through the tunnel.
Sora hasn't left out a single detail. They're all there, all the dumb scribbles that had gathered over the years, and Axel can look around the place and remember how each drawing happened. How Namine had sat just there, knees tucked up under her daintily as she'd scrawled memories across the rock. Kairi was sitting over by that root when she'd sneezed and messed up that particular picture of Riku. How Sora and Roxas had huddled by that old door and talked in twin, eyes darting back and forth between the rest of the group, eyes sparkling in secrecy.
It's crazy, because this place shouldn't be so right. It should have some flaw, maybe where Sora didn't quite remember right- but no, the place is just as real looking as the beach had been, as the texture of the ladder had felt.
Sora sits crouched by that same door, eyes closed, hands over his ears. He's rocking back and forth, tiny and scared, quiet. When Roxas enters the room he scrambles upright, and staggers over, his eyes wide and trembling and wet- hands outstretched long before he stumbles into Roxas and wraps little boy arms around his twin's waist. Roxas sighs and passes the light to Axel, which flares into flame the moment it touches his palm. Roxas gives him a look as he hefts Sora into his arms, a look that says something like Jesus, try to keep the dream feasible for now, something he's seen hundreds of times before. When they were on the job or planning a job or just sharing each others dreams.
Roxas cards a hand through Sora's hair, eyes affectionate as he settles Sora onto one hip and really, Axel shouldn't have to worry about keeping the dream real because Sora is six and Roxas is twenty-three and they're twins.
"Look who's here to see you, Sora," Roxas whispers, gentle against Sora's downy fluff baby hair as he turns Sora to face Axel.
The world trembles around them the second their gazes lock and Axel thinks oh fuck, right when Sora opens his mouth and starts screaming.
Roxas was bad at math and Axel was bad at being obedient and as it turned out Sora was bad at not knowing Riku, because the moment they met it was like something clicking together- a puzzle piece or a Rubik's cube, like when you finally guess that last elusive word of your crossword puzzle.
They met Kairi through Namine, who was good friends with Roxas, and it's like something has tugged them all close together. Woven thread through their hearts and tugged so that each heart is linked intimately with the next.
Even after Axel stops tutoring him, he still hangs around Roxas and his dorky twin brother. Never thinks that it's a little weird for a ninth grader to be hanging out with a bunch of sixth and seventh graders. It isn't age, they're just them. Just Roxas and Axel and Sora and Riku and Kairi and Namine and it isn't weird at all when Axel graduates and still makes excuses to come pick them up from school. Somehow, it isn't even weird when Roxas asks Axel to the Junior prom (because Kairi and Sora are making me go and I don't want to ask a girl). Isn't weird when they grin at each other through the last dance, pressed close together and realize that yes, maybe they do like each other just a little bit.
It isn't weird when Roxas starts spending more time with Axel than he does with the rest of the group or when they all graduate and the first thing that Roxas and Axel do is get a cheap apartment together in Twilight Town.
And it still isn't weird when Sora shows up on their doorstep a year later, grinning and all but bouncing with excitement about dream heists and PASIVs and saying, "We could make a difference."
Because they work together flawlessly and by the time Roxas is twenty they're known as the best thieves on this side of the 21st century. Axel smiles over the morning papers, the articles that are always so puzzled because why would thieves only steal to set things right?
It's never weird with them, not until Roxas and Namine are gone- causing the rest of them to unravel like marionettes with their strings cut.
Axel flattens himself against the wall as Roxas shushes Sora, and while there's one part of him that's a little amazed at the ferocity of Sora's anger, there's another part that can't help but admiring how perfectly Roxas handles the situation. How he has the little brat calm within minutes and ready to listen. But the problem is. Axel doesn't really know what to say. Kid, you have to get out of here because your body is falling apart doesn't sound too great, but then again, neither do epic guilt trips about the shape that Kairi and Riku are in. He flounders for a minute, eyes darting back and forth between Sora and Roxas and wonders-
"Sora, you have to go back with Axel." Roxas says, voice adopting that no-nonsense tone that Namine had always used when she wanted to get her way. Oddly enough, it suits Roxas, the way his tongue curls around the order.
Axel expects fireworks, expects another tantrum, so he isn't prepared for when Sora suddenly shoots up- little boy rounded cheeks smoothing into angles and body going lean rather than short and gawky. Sora looks tired, but nothing like the husk of a human that he is in reality. With mounting horror, he wonders how eight years of human time translates this far down. Where minutes is years a couple levels down, what is eight years in limbo?
"...I know," Sora sighs, lets his head flop onto Roxas' shoulder- curls his fingers into the fabric there and opens his mouth to say-
"You can't keep me alive, Sora, and you know it. Not like this."
Sora's teeth clack together when he yanks his mouth shut at the interruption and his lip trembles just a bit. A little bit. "But I-"
"No," Roxas interrupts, jaw set. His eyes are closed when he pushes Sora in Axel's direction, like he doesn't want to see himself upsetting his own existence. Sora stumbles over a root, trips, and Axel catches him instinctively- wraps one hand around a scrawny bicep to steady him and ignores the way that he flinches- curls back as if disgusted. Ooh gross, reality germs.
Sora's breathing is hitching, the cave trembling around him and-
"But Roxas, if I go you'll-"
"Still be here." Roxas answers, reclining back against the Roxas sucks at math (and throwing cherry bombs) that Axel had scribbled there years ago and watching them with sad eyes. He chuckles a little and the sound makes reality go out of sync for a moment, a drum beat a couple seconds behind the rest of the song. "It's not like I have anywhere to go Sora. I'm your subconscious."
He looks bitter about it, but the walls are melting together, the illusions cracking before them so obviously something of this is getting to Sora.
Finally Sora stops trembling- straightens and gives Axel an apologetic look before turning a glare onto Roxas. "Fine, I'll go. But you-"
"-Better be here when you get back, I know." His smile curves, bitter and mocking now and it makes Axel ache to see that expression again.
Sora nods and Axel has a moment to decide whether to apologize or not for reaching out and kissing a part of his subconscious, but well, he'd done more than kiss it since he'd been here. The decision is made for him when the dream starts really crumbling around the edges and Roxas staggers forward, unsteady, into Axel's arms.
He presses a trembling kiss to Axel's lips- just one- and pulls back, smiling through the melting air and grins- "Hey Axel, you were wrong."
His smile is bittersweet but happy when he nuzzles into Axel's neck- tucks his lips close and mouths, "I'm definitely real." which makes no sense unless- (twinsheartsonecombineddeathbackinitsrightplaceand oh)
Destiny curls its tendrils tighter, tighter- no, you can't leave just yet.
Axel wakes after Sora does to a world that doesn't quite feel real. The air isn't crisp enough, the water in the cup that Kairi presses into his hands tastes too dull, and though he can feel his heart thumping a steady beat against his ribs he can't shake the feeling that he left his heart inside Sora's.
And nothing feels real, nothing, but when Sora smiles at him, he thinks he might be able to see the faintest hint of Roxas, shining through. And really, that might just be enough.
Series: [Crossover] Kingdom Hearts/Inception
Pairing/Characters: Axel, Sora, Riku, Kairi, Axel/Roxas
Rating: PG-15 for some heavy petting.
Total length: 6,117
Warnings: Angst. Lots of angst. Dream fuckery and a manipulation of myths. Also, this weird formatting that I'm experimenting with. Hopefully that isn't too confusing.
Summary: It's not a dream, remember us~ We'll find our place in time to call our own.
Author's Note: Summary stolen shamelessly from Amanda Abizaid. The lyrics are from A Place in Time, which is a short but really awesome song. Title is from Breathless by Dan Wilson. Written for my au_bingo square, "Alternate History: Someone died/didn’t come back". Card can be found here.
It starts with a question, a sentence, a thought, and a myth. It starts before things begin, before the lies and the jobs and the dreams. It starts on one cool night when their love is still fresh, still new.
It's a nice night, the sky almost purple and mostly clear, dotted with the occasional silver cloud. The ocean echoes all around them, crashes against the coast- in, out, in, out- The surf laps at their bare feet, playful, and Axel wonders if maybe they should move up the coast a bit since the tide's clearly coming in. He almost says it too, opens his mouth and squeezes Roxas' fingers-
"They say that if one twin dies before the other, their heart goes back to where it belongs. That its soul steps out of its previous body and merges back with the rest of its heart." Roxas' voice is quiet with revelation, as if the rare mist cloaking the surface of the island has made him realize things that no human has any right to worry about at sixteen.
Axel doesn't believe in destiny.
"They also say that twins are the reincarnations of lovers, and I don't see you making out with Sora."
A pause and Axel tugs twice on their joined hands, squints through the fog over at Roxas, "You aren't, right?"
Roxas sighs. Asks, "Do you think that's true, Axel?"
It takes a moment for Axel to get that he isn't talking about his illicit incestuous love affair, but ignoring the question entirely and returning to his point. Axel huffs and shivers away from the fogs reach. Curls closer to Roxas so their sides are pressed flush together. "I really don't know, Rox. Why so philosophical all of a sudden?"
Roxas shakes his head, tears his gaze away from the constellations and down to their joined hands. "No reason."
Time passes. The world unravels. A ball of yarn coming apart bit by bit and-
In the end, it's Kairi who has to come get him. Kairi who tracks him down to his little hovel in the shadier district of Twilight Town, Kairi who strides past all the crack dealers and corner variety two cent whores and finds door 138 of a downtrodden, unnamed building that's supposed to be an apartment complex. It's Kairi who glares at him when she flings open the door, long enough that he has to set the bong down on the floor in case she decides that she's angry enough to smash it. It's Kairi who finds him, but it's the tall, silver haired boy at her heels who actually gets him moving.
It's Riku's fist to his face, the bruises smeared across the skin just under his eyes, Riku's broken voice when he hisses, "What the fuck, Axel?" that finally makes something click.
The shores of Sora's subconscious looks like Destiny Islands.
Kairi sips her strawberry milkshake like she's afraid of it, shuffling in her seat almost constantly- chewing on the tip of the straw until it's a shriveled, wrinkled thing that the ice cream refuses to come out of. She's got a hand up on the table and she drums her fingers against it, an incessant tap tap tap that's so familiar that Axel's fumbling in his pocket for his totem before he can remember that it's gone, lost forever in fire and steel and-
It's okay though, Kairi's nails- chewed ragged and painful to bear in their plainness- tell him enough. He misses the vibrant pinks, the neon greens and the way Sora used to tease her about it mercilessly. The way his voice had hitched when he giggled and said, "Jesus Kai, they're gonna turn yellow and fall off" and how Kairi had huffed and fanned her wet nails, iridescent and wet and a color blue only found in the digital world, too bright and vibrant to belong to reality. He remembers the way she'd turned to her left and how the person sitting there had looked up from meticulously applying his own coating of Bubble me blue and laughed when he said-
"C'mon Sora, dont'cha wanna paint yours? We've got pink."
Everything about the place is perfect. If Axel didn't know better he'd almost think he was actually standing on the little play island that they used to go to when they were kids, and then, later; whenever they needed a quiet place to think up new designs. He can almost see them, Kairi peering over her younger sister's shoulder, occasionally pointing out alternate routes or better corridors while Namine sketches dreamscapes into the damp sand. Sora bickering with Riku out by the old Paopu tree, drawing up new diagnostics, new choreographed fights that might work to their advantage and Roxas-
He can see Roxas. Still halfway into the surf and staring out at the sun with a look of such utter longing on his face that Axel's heart pitter patters unevenly against his chest and sweet, glorious pain lances starburst bright across his chest- It's been so long, so long since he's felt anything and it feels- it feels-
Roxas turns and looks at him and the smile that breaks out across his face makes Axel take back the previous thought. No, he'd definitely preferred the cool morphine buzz of numbness.
"-We know you're the only one who can reach him, Axel."
He scoffs and gestures with one hand, almost knocks over Riku's boring vanilla shake in his vehemence. "And what makes you say that, Kai? I'm hardly trained anymore. I'm rusty and hardly qualified and I'll probably get us all killed-"
"You wouldn't."
"-nd, wait, what?"
Riku shrugs and pale hair spills over his shoulder in a long, colorless waterfall. The waitress bustles up to them again and when no one says anything to her enquiring How are the shakes? she stammers something and hurries away, flustered, and Riku still doesn't take his eyes off his.
"I said, you wouldn't get us killed."
Axel splutters and the smirk that spreads across Riku's lips is mean- reminds Axel why they always had Riku play the part of bad cop in their extractions. He leans forward across the table, rests his chin on his folded hands and his eyes glitter with malice, when he says, "You won't get us killed Axel, because you'll be going under alone."
There's silence in the little diner, enough of a lull in conversation that Axel can hear the clacking of knives in the kitchen, the hiss of meat on the grill, the kitchen staff laughing and joking amongst each other and he thinks he can hear someone singing one of the new pop hits but-
"Excuse me?" he hisses between clenched teeth, knuckles going white as his fist clenches and maybe he should be reminding Riku why he was always the bad guy-
Riku just glares back, green eyes narrowed and spitting fire.
Kairi's sigh cuts through the tension, tired and irritated. She raises one hand to signal the waitress for the check- starts fumbling in her purse halfheartedly for the money. Once she's sent the money and the check off with the waitress she looks back at them, twirls her straw, considering.
"Fact of the matter is, it's too dangerous for anyone else to go in. Axel, keep in mind that we've tried wading through the first few levels of dream. The deeper we go, the worse he is. He just isn't there." She flinches in remembrance and drops her gaze back to the table, doesn't even notice when Riku drapes a comforting arm around her shoulders.
"Well, he is there, but it's... it isn't really him. It's... something else. It drips with shadow and black and his eyes- Axel, they aren't normal- it's just-"
Riku squeezes her shoulder and she drops a frantic hand into her pocket, pulls out the thalassa shell good luck charm that she'd made all those years ago. It gleams purple and silver in the florescent light and her breathing hitches when she lets it clatter out onto the table in front of her. They all stare at the miniature carving of Sora's initials, the chicken scratch that had once upon a time made her shriek at him for ruining her charm. Now, well. The initials never exist in the dream world, even when the dreamer knows they're there. None of them were ever entirely sure why.
She takes a deep breath through her nose, and looks at Axel, calm once more.
"Axel, you're the only one who would be able to get in that deep and you know it. You're the only one that he'd let in. Any of us go in and everything will be over before we remember that we're in a dream."
"But-"
"Axel. Please. He needs you." She chokes on a bitter laugh, lets Riku tuck her even closer against his side. "Fuck, Axel, they need you."
He closes his eyes and mutters a quick and sullen "Fine" into the palm of his hand. Really, the decision had been made before she'd even asked.
"Axel," Roxas says, legs dragging through the surf and kicking up orange and golden droplets every which way. He's smiling still, wide and open and honest, and when he reaches Axel he flings his arms around the red head's waist in a hug hard enough that it knocks them both backward into the sand. He nuzzles into the wet skin at Axel's stomach, that little pale sliver that's showing between the hiked up t-shirt and plain jeans, mutters "I missed you" into it.
He's warm. Axel wouldn't have thought that he'd be warm.
It hurts.
But he has a job to do. The first deep breath makes him stop wanting to snap his fingers and see if flame spouts from them, the second restarts his heart.
The third one and he says, "Jesus, Roxas. I see you still weigh a ton."
They have to fly back to Destiny Islands to actually do the job, and Axel has quiet hysterics in his seat for the entire duration of the three hour flight, downing bottle after tiny fucking bottle of skyy vodka while Riku and Kairi link their hands across the aisle. He likes to pretend that they aren't watching him, that he can't feel Kairi's sad looks or Riku's irritated ones over his shoulder.
When he finally can't pretend anymore, he closes his eyes and lets the buzz of alcohol carry him into sleep.
.
He dreams of the curve of Roxas' smile, the knobs of his spine and the sweat slick skin at the small of his back. He dreams of licking it up, the salt heavy on his tongue, and of Roxas laughing- loud and openly happy, blue eyes affectionate and mouth quirked just so when he says, "I lov-"
.
Axel wakes up to wet cheeks and a flight attendant grimacing as she shakes him awake, muttering about how they shouldn't sell alcohol on three hour flights before she realizes he's awake. He wakes to Kairi watching him with rapt eyes and Riku glaring at him with something like jealousy.
He can't speak over the pounding of his heart, can't think enough to say, "Don't worry, first dream I've had in eight years."
The Destiny Island sunshine feels like hellfire.
Roxas doesn't let them go back to the mainland, just tugs him into the shade of the palm trees and fumbles for something at his side. Axel loses himself in examining the island, comparing the blue of the waterfall to that in his memory- the splintered old ship that's still leaning faintly to the right, the vines stretching across the entrance to the secret place and the little crumbling shack where they'd spent so many nights huddled together- hidden away from the rest of the world.
It's all there. Perfect and clear, not a single flaw in any of it- just perfection and Axel doesn't think that's quite right because Namine and Kairi were always the artistic ones, not-
"Ice cream?"
He shakes his head and turns toward Roxas, smiles and accepts the treat without thinking too hard about how it had been magicked into being on a hot beach, still perfectly frozen. Doesn't want to draw attention to the flaws of the dream just yet.
Roxas bites into his, a contemplative look in his eyes as he digs bare toes into the sand- lets it slowly sift through them. The fabricated breeze is cool, even if the sun itself is hot as hell, and it just figures that this part of limbo would have the perfect weather. A fish jumps, too high, and Axel holds his breath and waits for it to grow wings.
"So, what do you wanna do today?" Roxas asks, and Axel wrenches his gaze away from the fish as it starts to descend- Roxas has his eyes narrowed in mischief, smile just a little bit wicked.
"We could steal Riku and Sora's swords and hide them on the other side of the island. That could work. Or maybe mess up Namine's sandcastles before the tide can get to them. Or we could-" Roxas continues, and Axel laughs because-
"Roxas, do you know why the sun sets red?"
The area between Roxas' brows go all crinkled and it's so cute, so similar to what it used to be. Helpless, enraptured by this siren song, Axel leans forward and taps his finger gently against that area of skin- watches it smooth out and thinks I want to kiss it. Leans forward and does so just to hear Roxas complain. When he pulls away, his lips are tingling and they taste like salt water. He chuckles a little and says, "To let you know what time of day it is, Rox."
Roxas looks surprised, glancing over at the sun slowly drooping behind the horizon, at the orange and golden water and says, "Oh".
He sounds so fucking startled, so caught off guard by something he'd been watching before Axel showed up that Axel isn't sure if he's about to realize what this is.
"Well then, I guess we could always- um. Well." he stammers for a minute, his eyes glancing back and forth between the tree house and Axel, because if it's sunset that means Riku and Sora will be using the shack to get back and forth off paopu island and well-
Axel laughs again, even if his heart is shriveling a little bit, stomach going sour even though the idea of touching Roxas again is absolutely wonderful. He thinks for a moment, I should tell him now, just tell him and find Sora, get out before things have a chance to crash around them but-
He rolls to his feet and pulls Roxas up with him, lets them stagger for a moment against each other before pulling him toward the tree house. He hopes that his smile doesn't look as cracked and broken as he feels. His smile is full of promise, eyes half lidded and he watches Roxas' cheeks darken-
Temptation was always hard to resist.
Axel doesn't really remember how they'd gotten into the business of dreams. Which, normally, would be absolutely terrifying because it's when you don't remember how you got somewhere that things begin to go awry. But Axel's pretty confident in what is and isn't reality just because, if this were a dream, he'd feel a bit more like he had a heart. A bit more alive.
Destiny Islands is just how he remembers it, palm trees and sand everywhere, even in the gutters. The houses are just as pretty, just as beachy, not a hint of the cold, grey skyscraper world of the city or the suburban ghost town of Twilight. It makes Axel feel a little sick, all the memories in this place rising like the tide. He's just happy that they're still on the mainland, not their island, because then he'd be drowning in the memories.
Already he's spotted the ice cream vendor that Sora and Roxas would race each other for, the palm tree with the scar that says 8 x 13 = ♥, the place where Roxas had stood when he'd stammered out that first terribly awkward confession and he's drowning in yesterday, can't swim free-
Kairi's explaining things to him at his side, gesturing with dainty hands and Riku's a few steps behind him, watching Axel look around with a knowing look in his eye. Axel kind of wants to slap him, wants to split his knuckles open on those pretty white teeth cause the little fucker always was too perceptive, even when they were kids.
Kairi comes to a stop at her house, the biggest one in sight and Axel thinks that being the daughter of the mayor obviously comes with its perks. He wonders if she's the sole owner of the place now, if her parents are still in the picture.
She fumbles the keys when they're walking up the porch stairs, and Axel thinks that the wood feels more fragile, sagging and creaking under their weight like the old shack. Idly, he wonders if it's age or if the Islands have been getting a lot of storms for the past few years.
The click of the lock sounds absurdly loud against the backdrop of waves and gulls, makes him want to flinch because he remembers that sound, remembers Sora locking things away in the depths of the mark's mind or unlocking a vital piece of information and it's all just too familiar.
The interior of the house is cold, dark- all the blinds pulled shut as if to ward off intruders. Axel sways a bit when the dim light makes its way through the blinds and curtains to illuminate a single picture frame, emblazoned with shells of all shapes and sizes. They're all there, Namine bent over one of her sand castles with Kairi standing rigidly at her shoulder, pink mouth half open, mid-shout because Sora had tripped and gotten watermelon juice all over her dress. Riku's standing a bit to the side, foot still outstretched and grinning behind his fist, watching Sora hold his hands up in apology. Roxas- well, Roxas is sitting close to Namine, studying the various levels of the castle- his arm stretched across the sand so he could link hands with Axel.
Axel still remembers that photo, and the sandcastle they'd been gathered around. She'd called it Castle Oblivion, said that it was her biggest work of art yet. And it had been, serving them ridiculously well as a dreamscape. They'd managed to cram thirteen levels of dream into it, a number that anyone else would call impossible, too dangerous and unstable.
They'd had to stop using it, of course, because turns out thirteen levels was too dangerous. They'd started losing their memories after only a few levels down and by the time they were at the thirteenth- well, if it hadn't been for Kairi pulling them out- Axel doesn't even want to consider what could have happened.
He staggers against Riku, closing his eyes against the onslaught of memories. Surprisingly, Riku doesn't deck him for it. Instead he sighs, lets out all that pain and anger in one hot breath against the nape of Axel's neck and tugs him back- wraps his arms around Axel's waist and just holds him there. Breathing.
It's strange. Makes him think of times when they'd been best friends, before either of them had even met Sora or any of them. Makes him think of Roxas, just a little bit and that is why he eventually has to politely push away.
Riku gives him a tentative smile in the darkness, punches his arm in quiet apology, before turning back to Kairi whose watching them with something like relief in her eyes. He doesn't know why Riku's changed so drastically. Maybe he's realized that if this job goes badly, Axel won't be around for him to hate. Yeah, that was probably it.
He takes two steps into the house, feels the wood creak beneath him, smells Kairi's mother's potpourri and the faint age old scent of cuban cigars.
It feels like home; good and warm and impossibly wonderful. But then he thinks, I wonder where they're keeping him, and the feeling is snuffed out like a candle.
Roxas tastes like salt. He tastes like salt and sand and beach water, but mostly he tastes like broken dreams.
Axel keeps his eyes open as he sinks back onto Roxas' cock. Doesn't think about how he's already slick inside, tight, but loose enough that it's like he's already been scissored open. He focuses on the burn of Roxas inside him, the gasps he makes and the memory of Sora's voice in his head, from that day he'd first woken up with blood coating his teeth, when he'd smiled wryly and said, "Your mind makes it real."
It's good, so good, and he chants brokenly against Roxas' neck when he comes- ruts down shamelessly and lets Roxas come deep inside of him so that maybe, when he wakes up this will be real.
They keep him in Kairi's old bedroom and he looks obscene against the magenta sheets, too pale- almost gray and so very sick, too many wires in addition to the PASIV he's already hooked into. There's another needle laying next to his and it beckons to him, makes him want to run as much as he wants to slide into that chair and jump right in.
So he does a little bit of both. Let's Kairi slip a syringe beneath his skin full of... something. He really hopes they'd gone to Zexion for the sedative, because if they'd gone to Vexen... well, they both had a reason to hate Axel, but Zexion at least pretended like he didn't.
The sedative hits before he's even properly seated and he has to continuously shake his head to stay awake long enough for Kairi to do some last minute explaining while she hooks him in.
The second the needle bites he's under, the waves roaring around him and he tastes salt water and yes-
Roxas is grinning into Axel's neck, their legs tangled together and Axel feels so very sick at his own happiness.
"You aren't real, you know." he says, and his chest is clenching and unclenching, heart thundering up his throat. It stays there, beating, and it's like voicing it makes it real because sobs bubble up his throat like they want to choke him. He can't look at Roxas, can't see how he's reacted to this- if his eyes are going dark with anger or if he's crying or if things are going to start exploding so Axel goes on, because he has to get this out before it kills him.
"You died," he says as the first tear slides down his cheek. He clears his throat when the sobs building there threaten to drown out the words. "Car wreck," he chokes.
"We were going to go meet Kairi, Riku, and your brother for a job and it was just us in the car." A laugh wraps around his esophagus, just a little bit hysterical and he can't handle any of this. "A fucking car crash, after what we did for a living."
"It was just a fucking accident. Some kid's brakes went out and he just- hit us. Knocked us right off the road and down that big fucking hill you were always terrified of driving up."
He looks at Roxas now, because he can't stop himself, has to look in case this is his last image, in case Roxas winks out right there. But he's just watching Axel, face a little blank, eyes a little bit dim. Axel thinks he might be hyperventilating a bit, maybe, because he hasn't talked about this to anyone, not since he'd woken up in a hospital with Kairi sobbing on his shoulder.
"An accident, " he whispers, because for all he drinks now, he never had back then. His fingers thread through Roxas' hair and he wants to fucking scream because Sora had even gotten the fucking texture right.
"The only thing I remember is fire. I don't even remember what you looked like when it happened, Rox. You grabbed my hand and then I knocked my head up against the fucking wheel- don't even remember going down the hill. I just woke up a week later without you or that fucking lighter and shit, Rox, do you know what it's like to go through that and wake up without your totem?"
It hurts, saying it. Hurts the way the numbness hasn't let it up til now and oh god- Roxas must-
"I know."
Roxas is smiling, too sadly, but he burrows closer- tucks his head up under Axel's chin. The tears burn, the sobs choke and he wishes so fucking much that he had been the one. That it had been him-
"It's okay, Axel. I've known for awhile." He frowns, and his lashes flutter against Axel's throat, makes him think of giggling butterfly kisses in the sand, of breathless nights when they'd forgotten how to fuck and just learned to love
"Sora won't listen to me," he says, and isn't that the issue here. That Sora isn't listening.
What he wants is to press himself closer, to inhale Roxas and lock him away where he can't get away again. He wants to close his eyes and forget everything but the warmth of finally being whole again, for the first time in so many fucking years. But he can't, so instead he opens his eyes, takes a deep breath and says, "Take me to him."
Axel first met Roxas when he was in the ninth grade. He'd been caught with cherry bombs in the teacher's bathroom and instead of just slipping him into detention again like normal teachers, they'd grinned at him and made him volunteer at the local middle school.
Roxas had been short, even for a sixth grader, and he was absolutely dreadful at math.
The first thing he'd ever said to Axel was, "Oh god, you're my tutor?" lips sneering and tone as derisive as a boy whose voice hasn't started cracking would allow. The first thing Axel had said back was "Let's start easy, what's eight times thirteen?"
When Roxas had scowled and been unable to answer, Axel had kind of wanted to strangle himself, vowing to never touch cherry bombs again.
(Of course, that had lasted for about three months before he'd taken Roxas down to the docks to teach the kid how to properly light and toss them at the gulls.)
The secret place is too dark, overgrown with moss and vines, and Axel stumbles against Roxas twice before Roxas takes pity on him and blinks twice, lets an orb of light hover indecisively in his hand as they make their way through the tunnel.
Sora hasn't left out a single detail. They're all there, all the dumb scribbles that had gathered over the years, and Axel can look around the place and remember how each drawing happened. How Namine had sat just there, knees tucked up under her daintily as she'd scrawled memories across the rock. Kairi was sitting over by that root when she'd sneezed and messed up that particular picture of Riku. How Sora and Roxas had huddled by that old door and talked in twin, eyes darting back and forth between the rest of the group, eyes sparkling in secrecy.
It's crazy, because this place shouldn't be so right. It should have some flaw, maybe where Sora didn't quite remember right- but no, the place is just as real looking as the beach had been, as the texture of the ladder had felt.
Sora sits crouched by that same door, eyes closed, hands over his ears. He's rocking back and forth, tiny and scared, quiet. When Roxas enters the room he scrambles upright, and staggers over, his eyes wide and trembling and wet- hands outstretched long before he stumbles into Roxas and wraps little boy arms around his twin's waist. Roxas sighs and passes the light to Axel, which flares into flame the moment it touches his palm. Roxas gives him a look as he hefts Sora into his arms, a look that says something like Jesus, try to keep the dream feasible for now, something he's seen hundreds of times before. When they were on the job or planning a job or just sharing each others dreams.
Roxas cards a hand through Sora's hair, eyes affectionate as he settles Sora onto one hip and really, Axel shouldn't have to worry about keeping the dream real because Sora is six and Roxas is twenty-three and they're twins.
"Look who's here to see you, Sora," Roxas whispers, gentle against Sora's downy fluff baby hair as he turns Sora to face Axel.
The world trembles around them the second their gazes lock and Axel thinks oh fuck, right when Sora opens his mouth and starts screaming.
Roxas was bad at math and Axel was bad at being obedient and as it turned out Sora was bad at not knowing Riku, because the moment they met it was like something clicking together- a puzzle piece or a Rubik's cube, like when you finally guess that last elusive word of your crossword puzzle.
They met Kairi through Namine, who was good friends with Roxas, and it's like something has tugged them all close together. Woven thread through their hearts and tugged so that each heart is linked intimately with the next.
Even after Axel stops tutoring him, he still hangs around Roxas and his dorky twin brother. Never thinks that it's a little weird for a ninth grader to be hanging out with a bunch of sixth and seventh graders. It isn't age, they're just them. Just Roxas and Axel and Sora and Riku and Kairi and Namine and it isn't weird at all when Axel graduates and still makes excuses to come pick them up from school. Somehow, it isn't even weird when Roxas asks Axel to the Junior prom (because Kairi and Sora are making me go and I don't want to ask a girl). Isn't weird when they grin at each other through the last dance, pressed close together and realize that yes, maybe they do like each other just a little bit.
It isn't weird when Roxas starts spending more time with Axel than he does with the rest of the group or when they all graduate and the first thing that Roxas and Axel do is get a cheap apartment together in Twilight Town.
And it still isn't weird when Sora shows up on their doorstep a year later, grinning and all but bouncing with excitement about dream heists and PASIVs and saying, "We could make a difference."
Because they work together flawlessly and by the time Roxas is twenty they're known as the best thieves on this side of the 21st century. Axel smiles over the morning papers, the articles that are always so puzzled because why would thieves only steal to set things right?
It's never weird with them, not until Roxas and Namine are gone- causing the rest of them to unravel like marionettes with their strings cut.
Axel flattens himself against the wall as Roxas shushes Sora, and while there's one part of him that's a little amazed at the ferocity of Sora's anger, there's another part that can't help but admiring how perfectly Roxas handles the situation. How he has the little brat calm within minutes and ready to listen. But the problem is. Axel doesn't really know what to say. Kid, you have to get out of here because your body is falling apart doesn't sound too great, but then again, neither do epic guilt trips about the shape that Kairi and Riku are in. He flounders for a minute, eyes darting back and forth between Sora and Roxas and wonders-
"Sora, you have to go back with Axel." Roxas says, voice adopting that no-nonsense tone that Namine had always used when she wanted to get her way. Oddly enough, it suits Roxas, the way his tongue curls around the order.
Axel expects fireworks, expects another tantrum, so he isn't prepared for when Sora suddenly shoots up- little boy rounded cheeks smoothing into angles and body going lean rather than short and gawky. Sora looks tired, but nothing like the husk of a human that he is in reality. With mounting horror, he wonders how eight years of human time translates this far down. Where minutes is years a couple levels down, what is eight years in limbo?
"...I know," Sora sighs, lets his head flop onto Roxas' shoulder- curls his fingers into the fabric there and opens his mouth to say-
"You can't keep me alive, Sora, and you know it. Not like this."
Sora's teeth clack together when he yanks his mouth shut at the interruption and his lip trembles just a bit. A little bit. "But I-"
"No," Roxas interrupts, jaw set. His eyes are closed when he pushes Sora in Axel's direction, like he doesn't want to see himself upsetting his own existence. Sora stumbles over a root, trips, and Axel catches him instinctively- wraps one hand around a scrawny bicep to steady him and ignores the way that he flinches- curls back as if disgusted. Ooh gross, reality germs.
Sora's breathing is hitching, the cave trembling around him and-
"But Roxas, if I go you'll-"
"Still be here." Roxas answers, reclining back against the Roxas sucks at math (and throwing cherry bombs) that Axel had scribbled there years ago and watching them with sad eyes. He chuckles a little and the sound makes reality go out of sync for a moment, a drum beat a couple seconds behind the rest of the song. "It's not like I have anywhere to go Sora. I'm your subconscious."
He looks bitter about it, but the walls are melting together, the illusions cracking before them so obviously something of this is getting to Sora.
Finally Sora stops trembling- straightens and gives Axel an apologetic look before turning a glare onto Roxas. "Fine, I'll go. But you-"
"-Better be here when you get back, I know." His smile curves, bitter and mocking now and it makes Axel ache to see that expression again.
Sora nods and Axel has a moment to decide whether to apologize or not for reaching out and kissing a part of his subconscious, but well, he'd done more than kiss it since he'd been here. The decision is made for him when the dream starts really crumbling around the edges and Roxas staggers forward, unsteady, into Axel's arms.
He presses a trembling kiss to Axel's lips- just one- and pulls back, smiling through the melting air and grins- "Hey Axel, you were wrong."
His smile is bittersweet but happy when he nuzzles into Axel's neck- tucks his lips close and mouths, "I'm definitely real." which makes no sense unless- (twinsheartsonecombineddeathbackinitsrightplaceand oh)
Destiny curls its tendrils tighter, tighter- no, you can't leave just yet.
Axel wakes after Sora does to a world that doesn't quite feel real. The air isn't crisp enough, the water in the cup that Kairi presses into his hands tastes too dull, and though he can feel his heart thumping a steady beat against his ribs he can't shake the feeling that he left his heart inside Sora's.
And nothing feels real, nothing, but when Sora smiles at him, he thinks he might be able to see the faintest hint of Roxas, shining through. And really, that might just be enough.