forty six & 2

[phantasma_]

my shadow's

shedding skin and
    i've been picking
    scabs again.
    i'm down
    digging through
    my old muscles
    looking for a clue.

i've been crawling on my belly
clearing out what could've been.
   i've been wallowing in my own confused
and insecure delusions
   for a piece to cross me over
or a word to guide me in.
   i wanna feel the changes coming down.
i wanna know what i've been hiding in

i wanna feel the change consume me,
         feel the outside turning in.
         i wanna feel the metamorphosis and
         cleansing i've endured within

my shadow
change is coming.
          now is my time.
listen to my muscle memory.
contemplate what i've been clinging to.
forty-six and two ahead of me.

i choose to live and to
                     lie, kill and give and to
die, learn and love and to
         do what it takes to step through.