Journal Entry
Tomorrow I run my first rpg game. People keep telling me not to worry. People keep telling me I'll be fine.
I am terrified.
I can write a story. I can read a story out loud to children. I've never tried to tell a story or orchestrate a story with a group of people. I have acted out a story as a character with others, but not been the one sitting back giving the nudge here or there or the tibit of information.
It's like telling a story.
And once again I am consumed by fear. The same fear that has been holding me back as a writer. What if I am not good enough? What if people think I am horrible? What if they laugh at me?
I shouldn't worry about these things, but I do.
I know I can write well. I've been told that by teachers and other writers since I was young. I lost faith in my ability a few years ago because I let fear consume me. I looked around at all these people on the newsgroup and went I can't do that. I'm not good enough like them and shut down. Yet when I go back and look at sections of my writing, I know that some of it is just as good as theirs. If I finish revising the rest of the story(ies), I could very well try getting them published and may even succeed. First I have to beat down that fear. Rather first I need to begin to write. I am beginning to have faith in my ability to write. The writing course has already helped reaffirm that and some words from good friends also helped.
These same people also believe I can run a game and tell a story.
I love to tell stories, so this shouldn't be so worrisome. I have no clue how I am going to get this game started or how I am going to get these people's characters together. I know I will make something up when the time comes. I can't procrastinate any longer.
And perhaps by taking this step into gaming by becoming a GM it might convince me to keep my New Year's Resolution this year. My resolution is to submit a piece of writing to a publisher. I am almost out of time, but it's time to stop being my own worst enemy and take the jump.
The worst that can happen is that I have to start again.
I've cross posted this entry from writer_rabbit to phantasm13 as well.
I am terrified.
I can write a story. I can read a story out loud to children. I've never tried to tell a story or orchestrate a story with a group of people. I have acted out a story as a character with others, but not been the one sitting back giving the nudge here or there or the tibit of information.
It's like telling a story.
And once again I am consumed by fear. The same fear that has been holding me back as a writer. What if I am not good enough? What if people think I am horrible? What if they laugh at me?
I shouldn't worry about these things, but I do.
I know I can write well. I've been told that by teachers and other writers since I was young. I lost faith in my ability a few years ago because I let fear consume me. I looked around at all these people on the newsgroup and went I can't do that. I'm not good enough like them and shut down. Yet when I go back and look at sections of my writing, I know that some of it is just as good as theirs. If I finish revising the rest of the story(ies), I could very well try getting them published and may even succeed. First I have to beat down that fear. Rather first I need to begin to write. I am beginning to have faith in my ability to write. The writing course has already helped reaffirm that and some words from good friends also helped.
These same people also believe I can run a game and tell a story.
I love to tell stories, so this shouldn't be so worrisome. I have no clue how I am going to get this game started or how I am going to get these people's characters together. I know I will make something up when the time comes. I can't procrastinate any longer.
And perhaps by taking this step into gaming by becoming a GM it might convince me to keep my New Year's Resolution this year. My resolution is to submit a piece of writing to a publisher. I am almost out of time, but it's time to stop being my own worst enemy and take the jump.
The worst that can happen is that I have to start again.
I've cross posted this entry from writer_rabbit to phantasm13 as well.