Living with a passion
Friday
I started off Friday having two midterms. Anthropology and Linguistics. Both of them I felt I did sub-par. I didn't feel I could have done better on it but I know I didn't do well at all. Came back to my room extremely mellow.
Things went somewhat better, as everyone just hung out for a while. Had soccer practice at about 4:30 but we didn't start playing until about 5:00 or so. Things started to go bad when one of my teammates wasn't having fun, so I went to them to convince them to come back. I managed to and so on. However, I wasn't happy with what was going on.
Headed over to Haggett and waited for a while. Cassie poured water on me. She got me back finally. Didn't really care. Anyway, we went to Subway and got some subs and headed back to Lander. There was an ice cream party that night so I went to get some and hung out with some friends that I knew from the 7th floor before heading back to my room. I talked to Chun for a bit online before just staring out my window.
I took my piano books and I tried practicing for the first time in a while. I couldn't play at all. For the first time in my life, I didn't have the passion to play piano like I use to. I went back to my room and threw my books on the ground and broke down. I wanted to yell my lungs off...
I just lied on my bed for a bit before I knew I had to do something. I messaged Chun telling him that I'm giving up on Earth. Gave him all the account info about my country. It would have been in the top 100, but whatever. I don't really care anymore.
Cassie, Anne, and Chris invited me to come along to do some stuff, so I did. I didn't talk much though. Got Robin Williams Live and South Park and watched those in Anne's room. Then we talked for a bit before I went to bed.
Saturday
Woke up at about 11:00 am. Slept for about seven hours. Then turned off my mIRC. I won't be using it ever again. I went to play some tackle football with Alex, Ian, and their friends. Wasn't too bad of an experience. I played, didn't really have any fun though. Just threw a couple of touchdowns and ran for a couple as well. Two interceptions.
Came back and just listened in to a few conversations before I went to my room and took a nap. Woke up and discussed a few things about plans for tonight. That was about it.
I've reached to the point where I do things to just do them. No care for having fun or anything anymore. I no longer had a passion for anything I did. I knew I could do anything I wanted, but I would never be good at it. I only do things to keep some friends happy and my parents to not have to worry about me.
I had a dream a few years ago. It was a recurring one. I walked down this one hallway at my high school. Then I turn around and see this person behind me. He pulls out a pistol and shoots me straight in the head. I fall down and the figure comes to me. Someone I knew...
I was my own killer.
I started off Friday having two midterms. Anthropology and Linguistics. Both of them I felt I did sub-par. I didn't feel I could have done better on it but I know I didn't do well at all. Came back to my room extremely mellow.
Things went somewhat better, as everyone just hung out for a while. Had soccer practice at about 4:30 but we didn't start playing until about 5:00 or so. Things started to go bad when one of my teammates wasn't having fun, so I went to them to convince them to come back. I managed to and so on. However, I wasn't happy with what was going on.
Headed over to Haggett and waited for a while. Cassie poured water on me. She got me back finally. Didn't really care. Anyway, we went to Subway and got some subs and headed back to Lander. There was an ice cream party that night so I went to get some and hung out with some friends that I knew from the 7th floor before heading back to my room. I talked to Chun for a bit online before just staring out my window.
I took my piano books and I tried practicing for the first time in a while. I couldn't play at all. For the first time in my life, I didn't have the passion to play piano like I use to. I went back to my room and threw my books on the ground and broke down. I wanted to yell my lungs off...
I just lied on my bed for a bit before I knew I had to do something. I messaged Chun telling him that I'm giving up on Earth. Gave him all the account info about my country. It would have been in the top 100, but whatever. I don't really care anymore.
Cassie, Anne, and Chris invited me to come along to do some stuff, so I did. I didn't talk much though. Got Robin Williams Live and South Park and watched those in Anne's room. Then we talked for a bit before I went to bed.
Saturday
Woke up at about 11:00 am. Slept for about seven hours. Then turned off my mIRC. I won't be using it ever again. I went to play some tackle football with Alex, Ian, and their friends. Wasn't too bad of an experience. I played, didn't really have any fun though. Just threw a couple of touchdowns and ran for a couple as well. Two interceptions.
Came back and just listened in to a few conversations before I went to my room and took a nap. Woke up and discussed a few things about plans for tonight. That was about it.
I've reached to the point where I do things to just do them. No care for having fun or anything anymore. I no longer had a passion for anything I did. I knew I could do anything I wanted, but I would never be good at it. I only do things to keep some friends happy and my parents to not have to worry about me.
I had a dream a few years ago. It was a recurring one. I walked down this one hallway at my high school. Then I turn around and see this person behind me. He pulls out a pistol and shoots me straight in the head. I fall down and the figure comes to me. Someone I knew...
I was my own killer.