Buying gratitude
I had this exchange on Twitter today:
@stickontwit: Someone remind me why we're donating so much to ChCh when this is what they do? http://tiny.cc/d3l6c #eqnz
@kei_teina: @stickontwit I'm sorry the residents of my city don't all have coping mechanisms you approve of. #eqnz
@stickontwit: @kei_teina I'm sure it's only a few, it's just disappointing after some of us have given so much already. I won't stop supporting.
@kei_teina: @stickontwit you don't know that they haven't given, though. they could be winding down after weeks of helping neighbours etc.
@kei_teina: @stickontwit sorry if it feels like anyone's ragging on you but we've gotten pretty sick of people from outside telling us how we should act
@stickontwit: @kei_teina you may be right. I wish you all the best, Kia Kaha.
@stickontwit: @kei_teina yep, just not sure getting pissed is the answer when so much out of town fundraising has been done. Need for blowout is fair tho
And really, I don't even know where to start. Like, what does people here getting drunk have to do with people out of town donating money? It's not as though the money's going directly to people who are spending it all on booze*, and even if they were... so what? It's been nearly two months of massive amounts of stress, of having to keep track of so many different things that are completely unnatural to have to think about in modern Western society, of worrying about friends and neighbours and family, of not knowing whether you still have a job or somewhere to live or how many of your possessions might be saved. So who are these people to tell us that going out and having a few drinks now that there's actually a way to get to an open bar is such a horrible thing? What would they rather we do when opportunities for stress relief are so few and far between? And to link it so explicitly to fundraising efforts when the two things are not actually in any way connected to each other just makes it obvious that, to at least some of them, they should be connected. Like there's an invisible contract we've all signed wherein they donate money, and in return we have to live up to their expectations and moral standards.
Well sorry, but that's not how charity works. That's almost the exact opposite of charity. And agreeing that the need for "blowout" is fair is condescending as hell, as if someone who doesn't have a clue what's going on here should be the voice of reason on what reactions are appropriate. It's part of the dominant narrative that emotions are bad, that any idea influenced by them is somehow lesser, that to be worth listening to you have to be objective and rational and emotionally uninvested. Which is, in my opinion, utter bullshit.
So I will continue to be pissed off and offended when someone from out of town tries to tell me how I should be coping, how I should be behaving, how I should be speaking, how I should be conducting myself, because chances are I have not managed to stumble over a complete expert in the field of post-disaster trauma in New Zealand urban settings, and even if I did, I'm pretty sure the expert opinion on that sort of thing tends to be that there's no one right answer.
*Technically money donated to the Red Cross is going directly to people, a lot of other stuff is specifically for rebuilding and repairs though.
This entry was originally posted at http://keieeeye.dreamwidth.org/173327.html. Feel free to comment there instead because LJ is a poo.
@stickontwit: Someone remind me why we're donating so much to ChCh when this is what they do? http://tiny.cc/d3l6c #eqnz
@kei_teina: @stickontwit I'm sorry the residents of my city don't all have coping mechanisms you approve of. #eqnz
@stickontwit: @kei_teina I'm sure it's only a few, it's just disappointing after some of us have given so much already. I won't stop supporting.
@kei_teina: @stickontwit you don't know that they haven't given, though. they could be winding down after weeks of helping neighbours etc.
@kei_teina: @stickontwit sorry if it feels like anyone's ragging on you but we've gotten pretty sick of people from outside telling us how we should act
@stickontwit: @kei_teina you may be right. I wish you all the best, Kia Kaha.
@stickontwit: @kei_teina yep, just not sure getting pissed is the answer when so much out of town fundraising has been done. Need for blowout is fair tho
And really, I don't even know where to start. Like, what does people here getting drunk have to do with people out of town donating money? It's not as though the money's going directly to people who are spending it all on booze*, and even if they were... so what? It's been nearly two months of massive amounts of stress, of having to keep track of so many different things that are completely unnatural to have to think about in modern Western society, of worrying about friends and neighbours and family, of not knowing whether you still have a job or somewhere to live or how many of your possessions might be saved. So who are these people to tell us that going out and having a few drinks now that there's actually a way to get to an open bar is such a horrible thing? What would they rather we do when opportunities for stress relief are so few and far between? And to link it so explicitly to fundraising efforts when the two things are not actually in any way connected to each other just makes it obvious that, to at least some of them, they should be connected. Like there's an invisible contract we've all signed wherein they donate money, and in return we have to live up to their expectations and moral standards.
Well sorry, but that's not how charity works. That's almost the exact opposite of charity. And agreeing that the need for "blowout" is fair is condescending as hell, as if someone who doesn't have a clue what's going on here should be the voice of reason on what reactions are appropriate. It's part of the dominant narrative that emotions are bad, that any idea influenced by them is somehow lesser, that to be worth listening to you have to be objective and rational and emotionally uninvested. Which is, in my opinion, utter bullshit.
So I will continue to be pissed off and offended when someone from out of town tries to tell me how I should be coping, how I should be behaving, how I should be speaking, how I should be conducting myself, because chances are I have not managed to stumble over a complete expert in the field of post-disaster trauma in New Zealand urban settings, and even if I did, I'm pretty sure the expert opinion on that sort of thing tends to be that there's no one right answer.
*Technically money donated to the Red Cross is going directly to people, a lot of other stuff is specifically for rebuilding and repairs though.
This entry was originally posted at http://keieeeye.dreamwidth.org/173327.html. Feel free to comment there instead because LJ is a poo.