Entry 14-- Release the Bent Device
Another month another Journal entry. Well I usually don't keep up with this blogging trend as well as most of my contemparies I do, but I am starting to rack up the entries. what am I at now number 14, in two years its not that bad is it? okay so that makes it what on average bi monthly? A little better than that. and really I don't know what the big deal is about these things. Sure they are fun to do once in a while when you have somthing important to say. But usually I'm sure people don't want to hear about my oh so fun life. thats what Instant Messenger is for. At any rate number 14, thats my older sister's favorite number. She's loved that number as long as I can remember, so Cali, this journal entry is for you, I love ya big sis!
So whats the topic of the hour, that promotes me to write yet another meaningless Blog entry? Stress baby.. yeah, I been getting a ton if it lately myself, more so than the usual assload we all deal with. Start of a new year usually does that to one though. As were all trying to get all situated for the new year, and retrofitting our deadlines, and what we want to do for the year. I suppose for comic artists, serial writers, and what not it really its us hard not to mention there's the whole tax thing and we all feel the stress of figuring out what changes we want to make to thing like websites and all that sort of stuff... and though trivial I'm sure all that is stressful when its all bunched up. Strangely enough thats the month of January for everyone, as they get all organized come febuary the cycle returns to normal and we go back to our daily lives. January wasn't to bad for me though, as I was working regularly, and I had layed off Decypher back in november to plan for the new storyline, I was a good two issues ahead in the two serial fictions I write on a monthly basis, and I had turned my zine over to new capable hands as i left the Mutant X fandom for other pastures. Everything was going great. Hell I even had money in the bank for the first time in forever. During said month instead i burnt my time working on a new song, finished off a miniseries fiction I was working on for JLU2001, on Resurrection Man, and freed myself up to take on another ongoing fiction (making it two on-goings coming in april I believe), and I also worked on some new artwork aside from Decypher which I hadn't done in forever, and I finally finished a new song Morning light (which on an aside is probably the worst song I've ever done in my whole life). Though I got a lot done last month, which had a lot to do come the second week of January my tempary assignment for the call center I'd been working at had been terminated and I haven't heard about any new jobs sense then. So that was the start of the world of stress for me.
So we come into Febuary and I'm fretting cause College loans drain out all of my savings every month, so money is a scarce commodity, and on top of that I get this flu that has put me out of commission mostly the last week or so. I've managed to crawl to the computer and get some work done on the upcoming second arc of decypher, which by the way will be debuting on wednesday (febuary 18th, 2004) and will be keeping a bi-monthly scheduadle for at least the next three and a half months, which will circulate the next six strips of the comic... just for those who actually like that comic. but back to my complaining.. oh yes, so I have like no money, I need a job, I'm sick to my stomach... and though I'm doing great with my deadlines (which should be more stressful) but I think the jobs to blame for that. But I do have a lot of other responsabilities I can't get to like trying to do this band project, getting out to shows, and here I suppose the whole catch of it all is that despite everything that is going on (or lack there of) I get e-mails from people telling me they'd like this done for them.. be it a piece of artwork, or some synth tracks or somthing, and its funny for the first time in my life I'm telling people no. Cause damn it I just don't feel like it. But what vexes me about the whole stress thing is.. yeah not having a job is a big deal, not having money is a very big deal, getting caught up on my leisure activties (whether I'm behind or not) shouldn't matter.. and its really a total 36o spin if you will. Seems to me that there should be more building up inside. It feels like there's more thats stressing me out. More that I need to do. But right now most of my art things I can do at my own pace now. And the things that use to stress me out so much arn't anymore. SO it led me to think what causes stress... then it led me back to the whole central crowning point in my life. all those damn mistakes.
And thus finally after all this useless information about my life, we get to the point of this damn thing right? Yeah okay so I've been thinking what is stress really.. I mean we know its a "burdon" things that bother you.. feeling overwhelmed and all that shit. But I mean more than that. what causes stress and what makes it to be a burdon.. and what makes it feel to overwhelm you? why is it that sometimes a lot of things sitting needed to be done doesn't bother you as much and doesn't seem to be as stressful as say one thing or two things? I suspect it has somthing to do with survival and worrying about the future.. at least in my own mind. I'm always thinking about the future, always sitting around and day dreaming about whats to become of me. And right now as I type this I'm living with my father in a college town that offers me jack, and I have no money. As a shaman I hear about this stress stuff all the time. People who need guidence and don't know what to do about certain problems in thier lives. things that cause stress, I see it every day of my life as an outside observer. And though people always concider stress as a lot of shit stacking up against one.. its genernally not as over whelming as one might believe. its usually one thing which allows other things to stack up against it. and people try to "uncover stress" to often uncovering the central piece and then tackling it. And well I've always been the sort that if you kill the root you kill the plant.
So for example, someone is in bad shape and they are stressed out about exams, now one might suggest that they should just not be so stressed out take a deep breath and freakin' study. seems like the logical choice of method right? see thats where you would be wrong. its not really the exams that are bothering them, so much as is the unwillingness to study. so you need to tackle that.. its the difficulty in the studying, or how scared they are to study or fail, or well being lazy. the real problem isn't the exams themselves its but the "idea" of the exams. and of course we all most deal with the underlining problem to allow ourselves free from stress. for example we'll use webcomics as a good mandate. Those of us who love our characters and love the process of scripting and drawing have no stress in being a little behind, it doesn't so much bother us. sometimes we just don't want to draw and its not stressful. but sometimes a stack of deadlines from work armed with being behind on your webcomic (or fan fiction for that matter, or heck even a website) can add to stress, cause you know that once you get burried under a lot of work you don't want to even touch anything. Its not the stress of the work that is bothering you.. its the feeling that you'll never get ahead. You need to tackle the internal conflict not always the physical. think about your stressful situation, and don't always key to it in the logical sense.. sometimes your missing the point.
now I need a good massage, and some benadryl....
So whats the topic of the hour, that promotes me to write yet another meaningless Blog entry? Stress baby.. yeah, I been getting a ton if it lately myself, more so than the usual assload we all deal with. Start of a new year usually does that to one though. As were all trying to get all situated for the new year, and retrofitting our deadlines, and what we want to do for the year. I suppose for comic artists, serial writers, and what not it really its us hard not to mention there's the whole tax thing and we all feel the stress of figuring out what changes we want to make to thing like websites and all that sort of stuff... and though trivial I'm sure all that is stressful when its all bunched up. Strangely enough thats the month of January for everyone, as they get all organized come febuary the cycle returns to normal and we go back to our daily lives. January wasn't to bad for me though, as I was working regularly, and I had layed off Decypher back in november to plan for the new storyline, I was a good two issues ahead in the two serial fictions I write on a monthly basis, and I had turned my zine over to new capable hands as i left the Mutant X fandom for other pastures. Everything was going great. Hell I even had money in the bank for the first time in forever. During said month instead i burnt my time working on a new song, finished off a miniseries fiction I was working on for JLU2001, on Resurrection Man, and freed myself up to take on another ongoing fiction (making it two on-goings coming in april I believe), and I also worked on some new artwork aside from Decypher which I hadn't done in forever, and I finally finished a new song Morning light (which on an aside is probably the worst song I've ever done in my whole life). Though I got a lot done last month, which had a lot to do come the second week of January my tempary assignment for the call center I'd been working at had been terminated and I haven't heard about any new jobs sense then. So that was the start of the world of stress for me.
So we come into Febuary and I'm fretting cause College loans drain out all of my savings every month, so money is a scarce commodity, and on top of that I get this flu that has put me out of commission mostly the last week or so. I've managed to crawl to the computer and get some work done on the upcoming second arc of decypher, which by the way will be debuting on wednesday (febuary 18th, 2004) and will be keeping a bi-monthly scheduadle for at least the next three and a half months, which will circulate the next six strips of the comic... just for those who actually like that comic. but back to my complaining.. oh yes, so I have like no money, I need a job, I'm sick to my stomach... and though I'm doing great with my deadlines (which should be more stressful) but I think the jobs to blame for that. But I do have a lot of other responsabilities I can't get to like trying to do this band project, getting out to shows, and here I suppose the whole catch of it all is that despite everything that is going on (or lack there of) I get e-mails from people telling me they'd like this done for them.. be it a piece of artwork, or some synth tracks or somthing, and its funny for the first time in my life I'm telling people no. Cause damn it I just don't feel like it. But what vexes me about the whole stress thing is.. yeah not having a job is a big deal, not having money is a very big deal, getting caught up on my leisure activties (whether I'm behind or not) shouldn't matter.. and its really a total 36o spin if you will. Seems to me that there should be more building up inside. It feels like there's more thats stressing me out. More that I need to do. But right now most of my art things I can do at my own pace now. And the things that use to stress me out so much arn't anymore. SO it led me to think what causes stress... then it led me back to the whole central crowning point in my life. all those damn mistakes.
And thus finally after all this useless information about my life, we get to the point of this damn thing right? Yeah okay so I've been thinking what is stress really.. I mean we know its a "burdon" things that bother you.. feeling overwhelmed and all that shit. But I mean more than that. what causes stress and what makes it to be a burdon.. and what makes it feel to overwhelm you? why is it that sometimes a lot of things sitting needed to be done doesn't bother you as much and doesn't seem to be as stressful as say one thing or two things? I suspect it has somthing to do with survival and worrying about the future.. at least in my own mind. I'm always thinking about the future, always sitting around and day dreaming about whats to become of me. And right now as I type this I'm living with my father in a college town that offers me jack, and I have no money. As a shaman I hear about this stress stuff all the time. People who need guidence and don't know what to do about certain problems in thier lives. things that cause stress, I see it every day of my life as an outside observer. And though people always concider stress as a lot of shit stacking up against one.. its genernally not as over whelming as one might believe. its usually one thing which allows other things to stack up against it. and people try to "uncover stress" to often uncovering the central piece and then tackling it. And well I've always been the sort that if you kill the root you kill the plant.
So for example, someone is in bad shape and they are stressed out about exams, now one might suggest that they should just not be so stressed out take a deep breath and freakin' study. seems like the logical choice of method right? see thats where you would be wrong. its not really the exams that are bothering them, so much as is the unwillingness to study. so you need to tackle that.. its the difficulty in the studying, or how scared they are to study or fail, or well being lazy. the real problem isn't the exams themselves its but the "idea" of the exams. and of course we all most deal with the underlining problem to allow ourselves free from stress. for example we'll use webcomics as a good mandate. Those of us who love our characters and love the process of scripting and drawing have no stress in being a little behind, it doesn't so much bother us. sometimes we just don't want to draw and its not stressful. but sometimes a stack of deadlines from work armed with being behind on your webcomic (or fan fiction for that matter, or heck even a website) can add to stress, cause you know that once you get burried under a lot of work you don't want to even touch anything. Its not the stress of the work that is bothering you.. its the feeling that you'll never get ahead. You need to tackle the internal conflict not always the physical. think about your stressful situation, and don't always key to it in the logical sense.. sometimes your missing the point.
now I need a good massage, and some benadryl....