on how to be a lady, and other lessons my mother never taught me
I'm feeling pretty random today. I have finished all my holiday exchangey fics. I have NOT even come close to finishing NaNo, but that's an ongoing project that I need to get excited about again before inspiration hits. I'm worried about how my DWNOGA turned out, because it was sort of a big undertaking for me and definitely branching out into the Scary Unknown, but I gave good effort, hopefully. Some parts are good, I think.
But anyway so. So we TiVo Ellen everyday, and I check the info to see who was on before deleting. Monday it was Cameron Diaz, which normally would not be enough to make me watch because I sort of hate her, but it was ALSO Chris Doughtry, so of course I immediately hit 'play.' Cameron was just as annoying as I expected. She plugged her new movie, which looks like it's going to be awful, and the clip they showed wasn't remotely funny. If the CLIP isn't funny, the movie is probably worse. She giggled a LOT, and her giggle is very very grating. But then Chris came on, and that was heavenly. I will forgive him having a giant tattoo of his own name on his back (WHY do people do this?? Are they afraid they're going to forget??) because he is a) hot and b) his song ROCKS. Wow. Seriously, go Chris, you're AWESOME. I forgot what an amazing performer he is. And the song is actually really good, lyrics and all. His album debuted at #2, and probably only because Jay-Z's new album came out at the same time. Now he just needs to get back together with Ace. And then make out a lot where I can watch.
So anyway, continuing with my story. So then yesterday I watched all the TRLs I had missed, and guess who was on again? Cameron Diaz. And this time, she annoyed me even MORE, because really, okay. It's clear that she's not a dumb person. She's fairly quick-witted, actually, and maybe not book smart, but she's intelligent. But she's also one of those girls that plays dumb, and I fucking hate that. I hate that smart women feel the need to pretend to be dumb so more people will like them and see their festering piles of shit movies, and I hate the smart women who play that game, even when they're as successful as Cameron is and don't need to to get jobs anymore.
Dear Cameron-
You almost had me, and then you put on the dumb blonde act. That's not only degrading to yourself, but to women everywhere, when you purposely perpetuate mysoginistic stereotypes like that. And listen, I get that not everyone is a feminist, but when you're rich and powerful, you don't have to pretend to be dumb, either.
Also, please to be eating some cake or something, because you are too skinny.
no love-
Me
Dear Britney-
I still love you, girl. I love you when you're a good little popstar ice skating in New York, and I love you as a white trash mess, flashing your cooch around town and refusing to wear panties no matter how many pictures the paparazzi take.
hugs and kisses-
Me
Dear Paparazzi-
Please to be stopping taking pictures of people's vaginas. No one looks good getting in and out of cars, and also, one's choice of undergarment (or lack thereof) is their own business. Find something better to take pictures off, like Justin Timberlake attacking you, or Cameron Diaz trying to run you over with her car.
-Me
Dear Perez Hilton-
Whether or not one wears underwear in no way reflects on that person's ability to be a good parent, or else hire nannies to be good parents in their stead. Also what would help, is if you stopped jerking off over your own page hit counter. If you're very good this year, maybe Santa can bring you some journalistic integrity.
get bent-
Me
ETA: Also, this shouldn't be so funny to me, but it really really is: "oday's family, Case No. 8, stepped off a Greyhound bus in Mansfield a year ago with the clothes they were wearing and nothing more. They'd come here to start over after Grandma passed away in Mississippi. The 40-year-old mother and her 20-year-old son both suffer from mental illness and have applied for disability. Both see counselors at The Center... The 20-year-old son needs size 34 pants; extra-large shirts, T-shirts and underwear; size 10-11 socks and size 11.5 shoes. He also needs an extra-large winter coat. The caseworker said he likes black clothes and dragon designs. His Christmas wish list includes a typewriter or computer to allow him to write stories and poetry, paper, a CD player and the CDs "Schizophrenic" by JC Chasez and "Back to Basics" by Christina Aguilera.
So, you're homeless, and mentally ill, and just off the bus from Mississippi, and what do you want for Christmas? JC. Yeah, sounds about right.
But anyway so. So we TiVo Ellen everyday, and I check the info to see who was on before deleting. Monday it was Cameron Diaz, which normally would not be enough to make me watch because I sort of hate her, but it was ALSO Chris Doughtry, so of course I immediately hit 'play.' Cameron was just as annoying as I expected. She plugged her new movie, which looks like it's going to be awful, and the clip they showed wasn't remotely funny. If the CLIP isn't funny, the movie is probably worse. She giggled a LOT, and her giggle is very very grating. But then Chris came on, and that was heavenly. I will forgive him having a giant tattoo of his own name on his back (WHY do people do this?? Are they afraid they're going to forget??) because he is a) hot and b) his song ROCKS. Wow. Seriously, go Chris, you're AWESOME. I forgot what an amazing performer he is. And the song is actually really good, lyrics and all. His album debuted at #2, and probably only because Jay-Z's new album came out at the same time. Now he just needs to get back together with Ace. And then make out a lot where I can watch.
So anyway, continuing with my story. So then yesterday I watched all the TRLs I had missed, and guess who was on again? Cameron Diaz. And this time, she annoyed me even MORE, because really, okay. It's clear that she's not a dumb person. She's fairly quick-witted, actually, and maybe not book smart, but she's intelligent. But she's also one of those girls that plays dumb, and I fucking hate that. I hate that smart women feel the need to pretend to be dumb so more people will like them and see their festering piles of shit movies, and I hate the smart women who play that game, even when they're as successful as Cameron is and don't need to to get jobs anymore.
Dear Cameron-
You almost had me, and then you put on the dumb blonde act. That's not only degrading to yourself, but to women everywhere, when you purposely perpetuate mysoginistic stereotypes like that. And listen, I get that not everyone is a feminist, but when you're rich and powerful, you don't have to pretend to be dumb, either.
Also, please to be eating some cake or something, because you are too skinny.
no love-
Me
Dear Britney-
I still love you, girl. I love you when you're a good little popstar ice skating in New York, and I love you as a white trash mess, flashing your cooch around town and refusing to wear panties no matter how many pictures the paparazzi take.
hugs and kisses-
Me
Dear Paparazzi-
Please to be stopping taking pictures of people's vaginas. No one looks good getting in and out of cars, and also, one's choice of undergarment (or lack thereof) is their own business. Find something better to take pictures off, like Justin Timberlake attacking you, or Cameron Diaz trying to run you over with her car.
-Me
Dear Perez Hilton-
Whether or not one wears underwear in no way reflects on that person's ability to be a good parent, or else hire nannies to be good parents in their stead. Also what would help, is if you stopped jerking off over your own page hit counter. If you're very good this year, maybe Santa can bring you some journalistic integrity.
get bent-
Me
ETA: Also, this shouldn't be so funny to me, but it really really is: "oday's family, Case No. 8, stepped off a Greyhound bus in Mansfield a year ago with the clothes they were wearing and nothing more. They'd come here to start over after Grandma passed away in Mississippi. The 40-year-old mother and her 20-year-old son both suffer from mental illness and have applied for disability. Both see counselors at The Center... The 20-year-old son needs size 34 pants; extra-large shirts, T-shirts and underwear; size 10-11 socks and size 11.5 shoes. He also needs an extra-large winter coat. The caseworker said he likes black clothes and dragon designs. His Christmas wish list includes a typewriter or computer to allow him to write stories and poetry, paper, a CD player and the CDs "Schizophrenic" by JC Chasez and "Back to Basics" by Christina Aguilera.
So, you're homeless, and mentally ill, and just off the bus from Mississippi, and what do you want for Christmas? JC. Yeah, sounds about right.