Jared and Jensen: A Tale of Love, Loss, and Triumph through Pop Music
What's that you say? Am I completely insane? Um. Well. YES. But balefully asked for an unspecified something, and I was going to send her something via mail but I'm pretty sure this won't all fit on a disc, although if it does, you can bet your ass it'll get sent, but the commentary is pretty important. So I therefore give you:
Jared and Jensen: A Tale of Love, Loss, and Triumph through Pop Music
being a music video collection documenting the generically cliched story of two men in love
Pairings: Jensen/Jared
Disclaimer: Not true, own nothing, really really.
Rating: It gets a little bit dirrrty. Oh yeah.
Comments: Look, I don't know why I do these things. Just enjoy them. Download some videos, think of Jared and Jensen, and, you know, try not to get too excited. Seriously, this is all balefully's fault. I looked at her userinfo thinking, "Hmmm, what can I make her?" and this is what came out.
How this works: Click on the photo to watch the video at YouTube. Or alternately, I will be slowly but surely uploading the videos to sendspace (it's going to take like, 10 years), so those will be available as soon as they get up. The downloads are good quality; youtube not so much. It's your call.
Chapter 1: The Right Stuff
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/dfo13v
"Hmmm," says Jared to himself, "this Jensen guy is pretty hot. I like his scruff, and the fact that he, too, enjoys wearing pink. Not as much as me, because really, no one loves pink more than I do except maybe like, the Care Bears or something else really really pink, but he's still pretty cool. He makes me want to wear bad sweater vests and fedoras. Yeah. He's got the right stuff, baby."
Meanwhile, Jensen is having some similar thoughts, and they go something like this: "Wow, that Jared guy is pretty hot. He has dimples. I maybe want to abandon my much younger friend to flirt and possibly dance in a synchronized way, and then run around in a cemetary, sort of like that movie with Jack Nicholson and Peter Fonda on the motorcycles, only without all the drugs. Oh wait, no. There should be drugs. But also, I am all over that. Love the way he turns me, he's the reason why I sing this song."
Chapter 2: Dirrty
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/j1arnw
One night, Jared and Jensen get really drunk. Possibly this is because Jared's girlfriend has broken up with him, or maybe they are homesick for Texas even though neither of them have lived there in many years, but probably it's because they are guys and horny and want a really good excuse for getting it on in some seedy bar. They end up at some crazy party/club/mud wrestling pit/girl!boxing cage. There are furries involved, and many scantily clad girls. They sweat until their clothes come off. They're gonna make some noise. They're gonna do lots of stuff that involves adjectives ending in 'y'. Uh oh. Here they go. It's something like this:
Jared: *sexes Jensen dirrty*
Jensen: *punches a furry*
Jared and Jensen: *get dirrty*
Chapter 3: Mr Brightside
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/qral5f
But Jensen got jealous. Because there was this girl, called Sandy, and she posed nearly-naked in many magazines covered in some sort of oily substance, and Jared, well. He was dating her. Sometimes Jensen thought that maybe Sandy was just a beard, because Jared seemed pretty gay to Jensen what with the wearing pink and the giggling and, oh right, all the gay sex they were having. But he seemed to really love Sandy, and that made Jensen sad, because he wanted to be the One and Only. Jealousy. Turning saints into the sea. Swimming through sick lullabies.
...yeah, I don't know what that means either. But the point it, Jensen was jealous, and sad, and then. Then he started wearing eyeliner and getting so emo about the whole thing that Jared, well. He had to say bye bye bye. And he was...
Chapter 4: Gone
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/ikpza4
Gone. He's gone. Oh oh. Baby girl boy, he's gone. And it's sad, and there's fond memories of the good times, rolling in the flowers and making out and parties and that time they got totally wasted and dirrty and beat up defenseless people dressed as bunnies, but really the lesson Jensen learns from the whole experience is that a) everyone looks better in black and white and b) Jared is a total bitch for leaving him. There's lots of drinking alone, and begging him to come back, and in general being miserable and alone and stuff, staring at his pretty pretty face in the mirror and singing and um, wandering lonely corridors and stuff. And then. Then the anger comes. Because like, seriously? Jared is a fuckwit. And he um. It was sort of like cheating. So when he wants to come back because, DUH, he's totally gay and Sandy has a vagina and can never satisfy him, Jensen's all, "Hey you know, what bitch? You can just cry me a fucking river."
Chapter 5: Cry Me A River
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/r48qyz
And then Jensen gets like, super creepy and starts wearing hoodies and hanging out with rappers, and there's like, revenge involved, in the form of totally getting it on with like, Chris Kane, or possibly someone from Smallville, or sometimes Steve Carlson or the ultimate revenge fuck--Chad Michael Murray. Because okay, so he has to stick his dick in Chad, but on the other hand, Jared is extra hurt because Chad's his BFF and all that. But Jared, he's like, "Dude, whatever. Because I am an independent sort of guy, and all this shit just makes me..."
Chapter 6: Stronger
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/nd5rps
Jared retreats to his trailer, where he looks really hot wearing ripped up jeans and a threadbare t-shirt, and possibly does some chair dances all sexy, because you know what? He doesn't need Jensen. HELLS no. And he doesn't need Sandy, either. Mainly because she doesn't have a dick, but also because he is a free spirit and independent and he can strut around in sexy black outfits on rainy nights and drive stick. Hehe. I said he drives stick.
Of course, that's when Jensen realizes that, well...
Chapter 7: I Want You Back
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/z4h9v3
Because here's the thing. It's hard to say you're sorry. So don't hang up the phone now. He's trying to figure out just what to do. He's going crazy without you, Jared.
Sidebar: I have to note that this is possibly the gayest video *nsync ever did. It's even gayer than "Step By Step," which doesn't even really have girls in it and involves Jordan Knight wearing overhauls, which--could there be anything gayer? Yes, and it's this video. JC and Justin sing "You're all I ever wanted" to each other. Justin and Chris flirt on the basketball court. They fondle each other in the car. They play with pool cues. Joey and Lance jetski together for no reason that I can see, and then hug all wet and half naked. In fact, Lance is the least gay in this video despite the bleached hair and, you know, actually being gay. But that's probably why I love it. It's, um. Not the song, that's for sure.
Chapter 8: Wonderwall
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/g5o1v2
And of course, Jared takes Jensen back, partly because the guy is like, begging pathetically and resorting to wearing really bad matching track suits, but also because he misses the dick, and Jensen is very, very pretty. But in the end, after all, it's the whole wonderwall thing. Whatever a wonderwall is. But hey, they're brothers, who make out, so that seems pretty appropriate. Oasis, that is. Not the J's.
Epilogue:
"And maybe," says Jared, "you're gonna be the one who saves me."
"If you ain't dirrty," replies Jensen, "you ain't here to PAAAAARTAAAY!!"
"Dude," says Jared, "that doesn't even rhyme."
And then there's lots of sex.
Jared and Jensen: A Tale of Love, Loss, and Triumph through Pop Music
being a music video collection documenting the generically cliched story of two men in love
Pairings: Jensen/Jared
Disclaimer: Not true, own nothing, really really.
Rating: It gets a little bit dirrrty. Oh yeah.
Comments: Look, I don't know why I do these things. Just enjoy them. Download some videos, think of Jared and Jensen, and, you know, try not to get too excited. Seriously, this is all balefully's fault. I looked at her userinfo thinking, "Hmmm, what can I make her?" and this is what came out.
How this works: Click on the photo to watch the video at YouTube. Or alternately, I will be slowly but surely uploading the videos to sendspace (it's going to take like, 10 years), so those will be available as soon as they get up. The downloads are good quality; youtube not so much. It's your call.
Chapter 1: The Right Stuff
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/dfo13v
"Hmmm," says Jared to himself, "this Jensen guy is pretty hot. I like his scruff, and the fact that he, too, enjoys wearing pink. Not as much as me, because really, no one loves pink more than I do except maybe like, the Care Bears or something else really really pink, but he's still pretty cool. He makes me want to wear bad sweater vests and fedoras. Yeah. He's got the right stuff, baby."
Meanwhile, Jensen is having some similar thoughts, and they go something like this: "Wow, that Jared guy is pretty hot. He has dimples. I maybe want to abandon my much younger friend to flirt and possibly dance in a synchronized way, and then run around in a cemetary, sort of like that movie with Jack Nicholson and Peter Fonda on the motorcycles, only without all the drugs. Oh wait, no. There should be drugs. But also, I am all over that. Love the way he turns me, he's the reason why I sing this song."
Chapter 2: Dirrty
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/j1arnw
One night, Jared and Jensen get really drunk. Possibly this is because Jared's girlfriend has broken up with him, or maybe they are homesick for Texas even though neither of them have lived there in many years, but probably it's because they are guys and horny and want a really good excuse for getting it on in some seedy bar. They end up at some crazy party/club/mud wrestling pit/girl!boxing cage. There are furries involved, and many scantily clad girls. They sweat until their clothes come off. They're gonna make some noise. They're gonna do lots of stuff that involves adjectives ending in 'y'. Uh oh. Here they go. It's something like this:
Jared: *sexes Jensen dirrty*
Jensen: *punches a furry*
Jared and Jensen: *get dirrty*
Chapter 3: Mr Brightside
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/qral5f
But Jensen got jealous. Because there was this girl, called Sandy, and she posed nearly-naked in many magazines covered in some sort of oily substance, and Jared, well. He was dating her. Sometimes Jensen thought that maybe Sandy was just a beard, because Jared seemed pretty gay to Jensen what with the wearing pink and the giggling and, oh right, all the gay sex they were having. But he seemed to really love Sandy, and that made Jensen sad, because he wanted to be the One and Only. Jealousy. Turning saints into the sea. Swimming through sick lullabies.
...yeah, I don't know what that means either. But the point it, Jensen was jealous, and sad, and then. Then he started wearing eyeliner and getting so emo about the whole thing that Jared, well. He had to say bye bye bye. And he was...
Chapter 4: Gone
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/ikpza4
Gone. He's gone. Oh oh. Baby girl boy, he's gone. And it's sad, and there's fond memories of the good times, rolling in the flowers and making out and parties and that time they got totally wasted and dirrty and beat up defenseless people dressed as bunnies, but really the lesson Jensen learns from the whole experience is that a) everyone looks better in black and white and b) Jared is a total bitch for leaving him. There's lots of drinking alone, and begging him to come back, and in general being miserable and alone and stuff, staring at his pretty pretty face in the mirror and singing and um, wandering lonely corridors and stuff. And then. Then the anger comes. Because like, seriously? Jared is a fuckwit. And he um. It was sort of like cheating. So when he wants to come back because, DUH, he's totally gay and Sandy has a vagina and can never satisfy him, Jensen's all, "Hey you know, what bitch? You can just cry me a fucking river."
Chapter 5: Cry Me A River
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/r48qyz
And then Jensen gets like, super creepy and starts wearing hoodies and hanging out with rappers, and there's like, revenge involved, in the form of totally getting it on with like, Chris Kane, or possibly someone from Smallville, or sometimes Steve Carlson or the ultimate revenge fuck--Chad Michael Murray. Because okay, so he has to stick his dick in Chad, but on the other hand, Jared is extra hurt because Chad's his BFF and all that. But Jared, he's like, "Dude, whatever. Because I am an independent sort of guy, and all this shit just makes me..."
Chapter 6: Stronger
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/nd5rps
Jared retreats to his trailer, where he looks really hot wearing ripped up jeans and a threadbare t-shirt, and possibly does some chair dances all sexy, because you know what? He doesn't need Jensen. HELLS no. And he doesn't need Sandy, either. Mainly because she doesn't have a dick, but also because he is a free spirit and independent and he can strut around in sexy black outfits on rainy nights and drive stick. Hehe. I said he drives stick.
Of course, that's when Jensen realizes that, well...
Chapter 7: I Want You Back
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/z4h9v3
Because here's the thing. It's hard to say you're sorry. So don't hang up the phone now. He's trying to figure out just what to do. He's going crazy without you, Jared.
Sidebar: I have to note that this is possibly the gayest video *nsync ever did. It's even gayer than "Step By Step," which doesn't even really have girls in it and involves Jordan Knight wearing overhauls, which--could there be anything gayer? Yes, and it's this video. JC and Justin sing "You're all I ever wanted" to each other. Justin and Chris flirt on the basketball court. They fondle each other in the car. They play with pool cues. Joey and Lance jetski together for no reason that I can see, and then hug all wet and half naked. In fact, Lance is the least gay in this video despite the bleached hair and, you know, actually being gay. But that's probably why I love it. It's, um. Not the song, that's for sure.
Chapter 8: Wonderwall
download: http://www.sendspace.com/file/g5o1v2
And of course, Jared takes Jensen back, partly because the guy is like, begging pathetically and resorting to wearing really bad matching track suits, but also because he misses the dick, and Jensen is very, very pretty. But in the end, after all, it's the whole wonderwall thing. Whatever a wonderwall is. But hey, they're brothers, who make out, so that seems pretty appropriate. Oasis, that is. Not the J's.
Epilogue:
"And maybe," says Jared, "you're gonna be the one who saves me."
"If you ain't dirrty," replies Jensen, "you ain't here to PAAAAARTAAAY!!"
"Dude," says Jared, "that doesn't even rhyme."
And then there's lots of sex.