War, Day to Day, and So Forth...
My personal war with the ants infesting this place just went into overdrive. No-one else seems to be bothered enough to do anything about it...
I wish I didn't have to kill the stupid things, but that's what has to be.
And... one more week left of this term. It's already been two years that I've been out here. Two years... Amazing. Two years ago, I ran 4 miles a day and worked out regularly. I've lost a lot of that, unfortunately. I just haven't gotten the ... will to get back to where I was. I do stuff now and then. And, I am not sure what's the matter, really. I think it's not feeling fulfilled. When I'd come back from the gym, I felt my exuberance lasting less and less. That was before the mono hit, then after that, I just either have been too busy with school, or lately, not, but unwilling to get off of my ass. It's not a trend of laziness either; it's definitely a lack of something I wasn't getting at the gym... I'm actually missing that in most things, besides getting the school work done. I just don't feel fulfilled, not at all. Lonely, sure. I guess that's it, but it's deeper. It's simply a lack of things, even when I accomplish something, lasting, or feeling a great worth to them. Hell, it's been this way for the past few years. I'm not going over those reasons, but I need to figure out what to do in order to start feeling connected again, feeling like I should do this, or that, and it will matter. I need more in my life, but I am not sure how to get it. And, meanwhile, playing the waiting game on the things I want to get accomplished, like financing this movie, finalizing these scripts and getting noticed, along with waiting on my current loan situation - all of that makes an impact too. But, even if I was climbing up in the ranks here, getting my movie made, getting noticed, and my financial situation was all peachy, I don't think that solves my problem right now. I need more. I want for more. How to figure out what I am looking for, what will make me happy, well, I don't know, frankly. It's always something each term out here, also, as I, unfortunately, have had to post about... That stuff adds to it, of course. I didn't expect to go through such drastic dental procedures, or face loan issues, or wind up with actually less to do this term than I'd have liked. Sitting around each day without much to occupy myself with school-wise only makes me antsy. I'd rather be pushed to the brink than be left here to twiddle my thumbs. Boredom really sets in for me and memories, and all of the crap in the world that really you can't get away from. It's just a struggle to go, ok, forget about that and go on, because it's worth it. It's got to be, and I've got to find out how to make it so for myself.
Sometime tonight, I need to get on that business proposal for my bounty hunter film, which is due tomorrow.
So, in short: death to the ants; someone needs to smack me really hard in the face, and maybe be of the female persuasion, hot, smart, of like mind:p; or I need to perhaps create a list of things that my life would be better if they happened...; and focus on this film, Uh, something like that...
I wish I didn't have to kill the stupid things, but that's what has to be.
And... one more week left of this term. It's already been two years that I've been out here. Two years... Amazing. Two years ago, I ran 4 miles a day and worked out regularly. I've lost a lot of that, unfortunately. I just haven't gotten the ... will to get back to where I was. I do stuff now and then. And, I am not sure what's the matter, really. I think it's not feeling fulfilled. When I'd come back from the gym, I felt my exuberance lasting less and less. That was before the mono hit, then after that, I just either have been too busy with school, or lately, not, but unwilling to get off of my ass. It's not a trend of laziness either; it's definitely a lack of something I wasn't getting at the gym... I'm actually missing that in most things, besides getting the school work done. I just don't feel fulfilled, not at all. Lonely, sure. I guess that's it, but it's deeper. It's simply a lack of things, even when I accomplish something, lasting, or feeling a great worth to them. Hell, it's been this way for the past few years. I'm not going over those reasons, but I need to figure out what to do in order to start feeling connected again, feeling like I should do this, or that, and it will matter. I need more in my life, but I am not sure how to get it. And, meanwhile, playing the waiting game on the things I want to get accomplished, like financing this movie, finalizing these scripts and getting noticed, along with waiting on my current loan situation - all of that makes an impact too. But, even if I was climbing up in the ranks here, getting my movie made, getting noticed, and my financial situation was all peachy, I don't think that solves my problem right now. I need more. I want for more. How to figure out what I am looking for, what will make me happy, well, I don't know, frankly. It's always something each term out here, also, as I, unfortunately, have had to post about... That stuff adds to it, of course. I didn't expect to go through such drastic dental procedures, or face loan issues, or wind up with actually less to do this term than I'd have liked. Sitting around each day without much to occupy myself with school-wise only makes me antsy. I'd rather be pushed to the brink than be left here to twiddle my thumbs. Boredom really sets in for me and memories, and all of the crap in the world that really you can't get away from. It's just a struggle to go, ok, forget about that and go on, because it's worth it. It's got to be, and I've got to find out how to make it so for myself.
Sometime tonight, I need to get on that business proposal for my bounty hunter film, which is due tomorrow.
So, in short: death to the ants; someone needs to smack me really hard in the face, and maybe be of the female persuasion, hot, smart, of like mind:p; or I need to perhaps create a list of things that my life would be better if they happened...; and focus on this film, Uh, something like that...