(no subject)
I know I've messed up friendships because of systematic mistakes and errors on my part. This week I lost a dear friend. It sinks in, I feel horrible, and then I relive that sinking in moment all over again later on as if it just then hit. I don't know if its because of a refusal to move on, or because she's remained friends with people who've treated her absolutely horribly. I feel like the only thing to do this point is to try to figure out how I'm a worse friend than they were.
Stated cause of death
1) My lack of social graces and interpersonal awareness make being around me a painful, draining experience.
Contributing causes
1) I don't put enough effort into my studies, completing tasks, etc.
2) I waste my time and energies
3) I don't keep to my goals, schedules, itineraries, etc.
I was going to go on to see what separated me from them, but...that's enough. I'm a pain to be around. People are forgivable around people who make them happy, and I don't think I ever brought her a moment of happiness.
At the very least, this gives me a few things to think about though, what went wrong during the days leading up to the, well, I don't know if it really was the end or not. I probably won't know for sure for a long time. She's forgiven people for terrible things, but will she forgive someone for being a rude bore?
Stated cause of death
1) My lack of social graces and interpersonal awareness make being around me a painful, draining experience.
Contributing causes
1) I don't put enough effort into my studies, completing tasks, etc.
2) I waste my time and energies
3) I don't keep to my goals, schedules, itineraries, etc.
I was going to go on to see what separated me from them, but...that's enough. I'm a pain to be around. People are forgivable around people who make them happy, and I don't think I ever brought her a moment of happiness.
At the very least, this gives me a few things to think about though, what went wrong during the days leading up to the, well, I don't know if it really was the end or not. I probably won't know for sure for a long time. She's forgiven people for terrible things, but will she forgive someone for being a rude bore?