MRI and limp
Well, just got my most recent MRI done, two at once this time, and the first time I did one that wasn't just head.
It took much longer than usual this time, and it meant that I had to have most of my body completely still while I was in the machine. It also seemed LOUDER than usual, but that could be because I was fully inside the machine rather than just my head this time. Thankfully it wasn't an aquarium, because those are what make me claustrophobic, but I'm fine in there, I just wish they'd offered me an eye mask. Though for people who are claustrophobic maybe that'd be the tipping point.
It took a while to get this one approved. I had to wait on my insurance to okay it, and first they said yes to the upper spine but not the lower, so then I waited some more, but finally got this done. My appt with my neurologist was back in March and I just had this done now! Luckily, my doc can read the MRIs himself so I didn't need to wait for it to be sent to a radiologist and then back to him - I just went back for a follow up an hour or so after the MRIs were done. Ack! And I hadn't considered it, but when I filled out the forms beforehand this time I had to make a note that I did have a surgery - the dental surgery for my implant! And I have a foreign object in my body - the screw in my jaw holding the implant nub in! I hope that's not a problem...
Long story short, the issue with my ankle/leg is something I'm going to have to get used to. I've had my right leg sorta... dragging? a little for a year. It was something I was trying to get a handle of when I went to Japan last year with Laura, already knowing then that I couldn't just run up and down stairs anymore. Over this past year, it's gotten not drastically more progressed but it's a noticeable difference. I'm kinda limping most of the time now. It's some spasticity in my tendon, but the leg overall seems... weaker. Honestly not as strong. I can't hold it up as long as I can the other one; my food doesn't want to bend as far or as easily, toes neither. It's more troublesome than you'd think in putting on socks and shoes, especially hose! Occasionally I do feel the spasm, like on stairs, rarely it will sort of launch me forward, so I really have to try to hold rails. While we were waiting on the MRIs, my doctor put me on a muscle relaxant to see if that made a difference but not noticeably besides making me useless at work. I'm trying a different one now, as kind of straw grasping, and it doesn't make me as overall sedated but does make me dangerously useless for an hour or so. Too soon to tell if it's any use, but no noticeable difference yet. And to be honest, I'm not hopeful. This is likely all a delayed effect from damage already taken, not a sudden muscle issue due to like, shoes or something.
The good news is that nothing new and alarming was found in my scans. There's always the chance it's something ELSE, like a tumor or something, and there was no sign of that, or of any new damage. But there was a clear lesion on my spine, just old, likely from back before my diagnosis or those early symptom episodes. The way it shows with the contrast injections I got during the scans shows it isn't new, raw damage. But it's there, it's already happened. The issues I'm having with limb strength and mobility in the leg/ankle are likely all from damage taken via that lesion event. I don't mean to sound so MAYBE, just, y'know, medicine isn't all litmus paper kind of decisions. It's detective work. And all clues point to this. Before it was guesswork entirely, and for better or worse it IS good to KNOW, as much as one can. I can stop fretting about whether it'll suddenly go away or escalate and focus on dealing with it. There always IS the possibility that it could go away or escalate, but that's the hopeful future, and at least now I can deal with what's on hand. I'm up in the air on buying a cane, just in case, it's an idea.
What can I say. It's not what one really hopes for at 35. But it's not so bad. It's good to know I'm not suddenly STRICKEN. This is manageable. I'm okay, I'm going to be okay.
In related news, I've missed a couple of doses of my injection therapy because my pharmacy held my medicine hostage while they insisted I needed to desperately contact them, but it turned out to just tell me that there's now a generic version of my medicine. RRRRRR. One of their calls was at the WORST time too, and I was very short, demanding WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT, and the pharmacist decided to be a childish dick and talk to me in the jerkiest mock slow voice possible. At present, the injections cost me only a hundredth of what they would without insurance, about $35 a month. They used to be free due to a helpful program via my pharmacy, but I stopped qualifying for it this year. Hopefully my insurance will not give me any flack about covering my injections by insisting that I should be taking the generic now that it's available. I've been doing well on the Copaxone so far for four years, I see no reason to change that up. They've come out with a higher dose that they've asked me about, but since I miss 1-3 injections a month, I'm worried about going to fewer per week as my missing one there will be a much bigger deal.
*ssiiiigggghhhh*
It's just... the year's only half done. There's more to come. At least I'm getting a lot of things out of the way. I just. I hope it stops with this. I hope I don't become progressive. MS is not kind when it gets going. I've done my best by mostly avoiding thinking about it too much so far. I know I can deal with this, but I also just don't know what to do. I just have to keep telling myself that I'm fine, and I'll be okay. And I can't help but believe it a little.
It took much longer than usual this time, and it meant that I had to have most of my body completely still while I was in the machine. It also seemed LOUDER than usual, but that could be because I was fully inside the machine rather than just my head this time. Thankfully it wasn't an aquarium, because those are what make me claustrophobic, but I'm fine in there, I just wish they'd offered me an eye mask. Though for people who are claustrophobic maybe that'd be the tipping point.
It took a while to get this one approved. I had to wait on my insurance to okay it, and first they said yes to the upper spine but not the lower, so then I waited some more, but finally got this done. My appt with my neurologist was back in March and I just had this done now! Luckily, my doc can read the MRIs himself so I didn't need to wait for it to be sent to a radiologist and then back to him - I just went back for a follow up an hour or so after the MRIs were done. Ack! And I hadn't considered it, but when I filled out the forms beforehand this time I had to make a note that I did have a surgery - the dental surgery for my implant! And I have a foreign object in my body - the screw in my jaw holding the implant nub in! I hope that's not a problem...
Long story short, the issue with my ankle/leg is something I'm going to have to get used to. I've had my right leg sorta... dragging? a little for a year. It was something I was trying to get a handle of when I went to Japan last year with Laura, already knowing then that I couldn't just run up and down stairs anymore. Over this past year, it's gotten not drastically more progressed but it's a noticeable difference. I'm kinda limping most of the time now. It's some spasticity in my tendon, but the leg overall seems... weaker. Honestly not as strong. I can't hold it up as long as I can the other one; my food doesn't want to bend as far or as easily, toes neither. It's more troublesome than you'd think in putting on socks and shoes, especially hose! Occasionally I do feel the spasm, like on stairs, rarely it will sort of launch me forward, so I really have to try to hold rails. While we were waiting on the MRIs, my doctor put me on a muscle relaxant to see if that made a difference but not noticeably besides making me useless at work. I'm trying a different one now, as kind of straw grasping, and it doesn't make me as overall sedated but does make me dangerously useless for an hour or so. Too soon to tell if it's any use, but no noticeable difference yet. And to be honest, I'm not hopeful. This is likely all a delayed effect from damage already taken, not a sudden muscle issue due to like, shoes or something.
The good news is that nothing new and alarming was found in my scans. There's always the chance it's something ELSE, like a tumor or something, and there was no sign of that, or of any new damage. But there was a clear lesion on my spine, just old, likely from back before my diagnosis or those early symptom episodes. The way it shows with the contrast injections I got during the scans shows it isn't new, raw damage. But it's there, it's already happened. The issues I'm having with limb strength and mobility in the leg/ankle are likely all from damage taken via that lesion event. I don't mean to sound so MAYBE, just, y'know, medicine isn't all litmus paper kind of decisions. It's detective work. And all clues point to this. Before it was guesswork entirely, and for better or worse it IS good to KNOW, as much as one can. I can stop fretting about whether it'll suddenly go away or escalate and focus on dealing with it. There always IS the possibility that it could go away or escalate, but that's the hopeful future, and at least now I can deal with what's on hand. I'm up in the air on buying a cane, just in case, it's an idea.
What can I say. It's not what one really hopes for at 35. But it's not so bad. It's good to know I'm not suddenly STRICKEN. This is manageable. I'm okay, I'm going to be okay.
In related news, I've missed a couple of doses of my injection therapy because my pharmacy held my medicine hostage while they insisted I needed to desperately contact them, but it turned out to just tell me that there's now a generic version of my medicine. RRRRRR. One of their calls was at the WORST time too, and I was very short, demanding WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT, and the pharmacist decided to be a childish dick and talk to me in the jerkiest mock slow voice possible. At present, the injections cost me only a hundredth of what they would without insurance, about $35 a month. They used to be free due to a helpful program via my pharmacy, but I stopped qualifying for it this year. Hopefully my insurance will not give me any flack about covering my injections by insisting that I should be taking the generic now that it's available. I've been doing well on the Copaxone so far for four years, I see no reason to change that up. They've come out with a higher dose that they've asked me about, but since I miss 1-3 injections a month, I'm worried about going to fewer per week as my missing one there will be a much bigger deal.
*ssiiiigggghhhh*
It's just... the year's only half done. There's more to come. At least I'm getting a lot of things out of the way. I just. I hope it stops with this. I hope I don't become progressive. MS is not kind when it gets going. I've done my best by mostly avoiding thinking about it too much so far. I know I can deal with this, but I also just don't know what to do. I just have to keep telling myself that I'm fine, and I'll be okay. And I can't help but believe it a little.