Fic: Hard Choices [Steve/Danno, h/c, pre-slash]

[pfyre]

Title: Hard Choices

Fandom(s): Hawaii Five-0 (2010)

Author: pfyre

Rating: rating: PG [language]

Spoilers: through 2.10

Genre and/or Pairing: pre-slash, McGarrett/Williams, hurt/comfort, AU episode tag

Status: Complete

Permission to archive on Makebelieve: Yes. All others please ask.

Warnings: language

Word Count: approx.: 3200

Summary: Sometimes you have to take a chance, make the hard choices.

Notes: Tag to 2.10 Ki'ilua.  So I'm home sick, throwing up my cookies and I'm nowhere near a hundred percent and the muse starts poking me. Well, I've learned the hard way - never ignore the muse. The muse wanted to share our views on what happened after 2.10 and we just couldn't agree with the unconditional forgiveness given to Jenna by so many.

Beta: Ozmandius - betareader extraordinaire and my PiaP. I rushed her on this so any remaining errors are mine.

Feedback: Feedback is always welcomed. Flames will be ignored.

Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 and the characters mentioned herein are the creative properties of CBS, Leonard Freeman, Kurtzman Orci Paper Products, 101st Street Productions and CBS Productions. This fanfic was created and shared solely for the enjoyment of fellow Hawaii Five-0 fans. No copyright infringement intended. No monies made.

A half-remembered nightmare chased him from sleep as he woke with a start. Blinking he took in the familiar shapes and shadows of his room. He could hear the wind and waves; their rough, irregular pattern indicated a storm somewhere offshore.

Grimacing he turned his head to check the alarm clock. 6:07 A.M. Early, not as early as his normal habit but he would not be swimming or running today. Hell, he was not even going into headquarters. His second morning out of the hospital and he still was not up to much more than shuffling from his bedroom to the living room to the lanai.

Slowly, carefully he got out of the tangled sheets and made his way to the en suite. A few minutes later he limped and shuffled his way down the stairs. He really wanted a shower, but it would have to wait until Danny could help him put plastic and tape over the bandages covering the burns.

He had to sit on the bottom step to get his breath back before making his way through to the lanai. Danny was a lump on the couch, burrowed under blankets and sheets. Steve smiled when he saw the headphone wire snaking into the pile.

Once outside, he made his way to the edge of the lanai and settled slowly down on the step to watch the sunrise. The mist on the water lit up in a brilliant red glow. It would have been a beautiful morning or it was a beautiful morning except for the dark thoughts that had lingered from his dreams. He had taken too many hits to the head because his memories of his time in the bunker were fragmented and somewhat jumbled.

He remembered his head aching and the room spinning as his arms and shoulders burned and some distant part of his brain had wondered just how badly damaged they were. He was unable to hold his weight for long on his toes and it felt like his shoulders were slowly being dislocated. Steve jerked in surprise as the door to his cell was opened and Jenna was shoved in. She was crying and not really putting up any resistance as Wo Fat sneered and his men chained her to the wall.

He remembered being alone with Jenna and her crying, "I had no choice." He recalled her talking about Josh and he had known that her fiancé was dead before they had arrived. He remembered working it out that the reporter had been a patsy to Wo Fat and had used her to keep Jenna doing what he wanted.

He remembered Jenna sliding a pin to him just before Wo Fat returned to kill her. He remembered the pain he had felt when the man had killed her in cold blood. He barely remembered managing to pick the lock on his cuffs and nearly escaping. The blow to his head just outside the bunker had really scrambled things for a while.

He had thought that Danny sudden appearance at the truck had been a hallucination, a dream. It was not until the man had approached and worked at releasing him that Steve dared to hope it was real. He did not really remember much of the short trek to the ancient helicopter that was their ride out of North Korea nor of the trip home truth be told.

Once they had lifted off, the relief he felt for his rescue, for his friends being there had followed him down into unconsciousness. He had roused a few times to pain and voices but he had not really woken until the hospital back in Hawaii. Ten days in the hospital, he recovered slowly from a nasty concussion, broken ribs, a damaged spleen, lacerations, electrical burns, bruises and severely inflamed shoulders. The concussion and ribs were healing; thankfully the bleeding from his spleen had resolved without surgery and rest of his injuries were on the mend.

Since Danny was still crashing on his sofa, Steve's doctors had released him to finish recuperating at home. Depending upon how well the inflammation and soft tissue injuries resolved, he might need some physical therapy to regain full range of motion in his shoulders; time would tell. He sighed.

Kono, Laurie, Chin and Joe had visited him many times during his hospital stay as well as Cmdr. Wade Gutches and Seal Team 9. He had thanked them all many times over, knowing it would never be enough. Hanging from the ceiling of that dark dank cell, he had had no expectation of rescue, no hope. But his friends, his ohana had performed miracles. Somehow using their connections, pulling a few strings and calling in favors, there had been no repercussions to the rescue team or Steve. North Korea had no wish to acknowledge the actions and dealings of the Yakuza within their borders and the U.S. State Department had turned a blind eye when the North Koreans remained mum.

Danny, who had spent nearly every day in Steve's room during his hospital stay, had ranted at him nearly non-stop for the first two days when Steve had finally been awake more than asleep. In the end though all Steve could do was say he was sorry. He had even at one point tried to promise to never do it again, but Danny had shook his head and interrupted, "Don't."

When Steve had frowned in confusion, Danny continued, "Don't make promises we both know you can't keep. I know you'll always be 'Super Seal'. I know you'll always jump in without thinking, without waiting for proper back-up to save others, to help a friend, to do what's right. I know, okay? I just know."

"But-"

"All I want from you, you big goof," Danny smirked but his tone was deadly serious, "is a promise that you will always do your best to come back to us... to me."

"Danny, I...." His voice faltered.

"That's all I ask," Danny repeated.

"I promise." He swallowed, sudden emotion causing his throat to constrict. "You have my word that I will to do my damnedest to always come back to you." There was so much more to be said but they had been interrupted by the nurse arriving to take Steve's vitals.

After she had left, Danny had moved towards Steve and sat on the edge of the bed. "Now, I know that there is so much more to be said between us and about us, but I for one don't want to do it here in the hospital where there's no privacy." He took Steve's hand and laced their fingers. "We've ignored what's really here between us for too long." His other hand lightly traced the edges of the bandage covering the lacerations on Steve's wrist. "We'll do this after you're home and farther along the road of healing."

He had nodded, more than willing to let Danny take the lead. "Okay." When he had finally been discharged, he had half expected, half wanted, Danny to simply join him in the master bedroom. But the New Jersey native had nipped that idea in the bud.

"You're still recovering, you dumbass!" Danny waved his hands in frustration. "You've got broken ribs - which ten days in the hospital does not mean they're healed. You've still got burns and barely healed cuts. They might have taken the stitches out but that doesn't mean you're a hundred percent!"

"I know, but-"

"Hell, you still can't lift your arms past your chest!" Danny pointed out. "You will sleep in your big bed and I will sleep on the couch like I have been for the last couple of weeks. Once you're a bit better healed, we'll take it from there, okay?" He had acquiesced, but that was two days ago and he really wanted to not be alone in his bed; he wanted this thing with Danny to be real, really solid.

He needed the strength that would give him. Because he kept hearing Jenna tell him she "had no choice". It kept bouncing around in head and in his dreams. The others wanted to have a small memorial service for Jenna and Josh. Something to remember them by as well as a chance to say good-bye. Because even if she had betrayed Steve, lied to them all, she had been a victim of Wo Fat's manipulations.

"I had no choice." He repeated her words aloud. "I had no choice." He closed his eyes as the anger over her betrayal boiled inside. "You had no choice.... But you did!" He slammed his fist on the edge of the lanai. "You did! There's always a choice! God dammit all! There's always a choice!" He sniffed hard. "There's always a goddamned choice! Fuck!" He wiped a hand over his face, still sniffling.

"You were so goddamned smart, Jenna. You knew what kind of man Wo Fat was! You knew he could never be trusted! You could've come to me or to any of the rest of the team! You could've- You could've.... I could.... I made-" And suddenly he was in the back of the Humvee with Anton Hesse and Victor was bargaining Jack McGarrett's life for his brother's.

The tears came then. Tears for Jenna and Josh and their lost love and lives. Tears for his father and his mother and the family torn to shreds by the machinations of Wo Fat and others. He did not realize he was shivering until a blanket was carefully draped over his shoulders.

Danny settled beside him, uncharacteristically quiet. Finally, after sometime had past, he felt the shorter man shift next to him. "You okay, Babe?"

"-I...." He cleared his throat. "I will be." He sniffed and took the tissues that Danny offered. Wiping his eyes and blowing his nose, he turned to his partner, "Thanks."

"Welcome." Danny swung his legs for a moment. "You know that's the difference between you and Jenna."

"What?"

"You both faced hard choices." Danny turned to look at him. "She took the easy choice or at least the one that seemed the easiest. And you made the right choice. I hate it when people say, 'I had no choice.' That's bullshit!" He shifted so his shoulders and legs were pressed against Steve's. "It's simply that the 'right' choice was the hard choice, the not pretty choice, the not so happy choice. And that's who you are, Steven, the guy that makes the hard choices even if it means that you'll be hurting in the end because of them."

"You make it sound so noble; make me sound so damned noble." Steve looked out at the horizon and the approaching clouds.

"Nah, it's just who you are." Danny nudged him lightly with his shoulder. "You're a pain-in-the-ass Super Seal who does the right thing even when it drives me crazy. It makes you the guy that I... I care for.... I love...."

"I...." His voice failed him as his brain stumbled. "When I was hanging in the bunker, after Wo Fat's guys had gotten done with their latest round of punching and kicking, I figured I was well and truly screwed. Jenna had lied to me, betrayed me. Wo Fat had me where he wanted me and there was no way the team could possibly ride to my rescue. No possible way...." He closed his eyes and soaked in the warmth of the man sitting next to him.

"I wasn't ready to give up by any means, but I wasn't going to delude myself into thinking that you, Kono and Chin were going to some charging in with guns blazing anytime soon." He turned his hand upwards and Danny threaded their fingers. "So I said my good-byes to everyone from Mary to Kono, Chin to Joe, from Kamekona to Catherine, Laurie and Grace...." He swallowed and glanced at his partner. Danny was watching him intently.

"The only one I couldn't seem to say good-bye to was you." He looked down at their hands, fingers intertwined. "There was.... There was too much to say. Too much left unsaid." Danny squeezed his hand tightly. "There was something between us from that first moment in my dad's garage. I was so wrapped up in trying to take down first Victor Hesse and then Wo Fat I could not, would not take the time to think about it, to acknowledge it." He squeezed back.

"I know others saw it. The convicts at the prison saw something. Hell, Laurie asked how long we'd been married and she'd only barely met us." He swallowed as he paused. "When you told me that Rachel was pregnant, had left Step-Stan and had taken Grace and gone back to Jersey and that she thought the baby was yours it felt like someone had sucker punched me; taken all the air out of the room. I wanted to be a good friend and be there for you but...." He sighed.

"And it was all rolled in with the god-awful mess with the governor and Wo Fat and me in prison and then Victor stabbing me and escaping and finding the proof of my innocence and suddenly you were still in Hawaii and the baby wasn't yours and Rachel went back to Stan. I just didn't know where that left us. Whether what I felt was only on my side or if there was something there with you. It was easier to just carry on as before." He shook his head and turned to look directly into his partner's eyes. "But that was wrong, so very wrong because when I was North Korea all I could think was I had been a goddamned coward. I should have told you the truth no matter the consequences; you deserved to know the truth." Blue eyes met his.

"I love you, Danny Williams. I think I have since that first time we met even if it was with guns drawn." He grinned a little at the glint into those beautiful eyes. "What can I say? I don't do boring." He felt a thousand times lighter suddenly even if he was terrified that Danny's feelings did not match his own.

"So I'm not boring?" Danny's eyebrow raised.

"Nope." Steve grinned.

"Good to know." Danny shifted his view to the horizon. "I'm pretty sure I didn't fall in love with you over drawn guns, you Neanderthal." He squeezed Steve's hand and his gaze locked onto Steve's. "But I think there was something more than annoyance on my part after I punched you." He grinned at Steve. "Hmmm... wonder if that means that I'm part caveman, now too?"

"Are you saying I'm a bad influence you, Det. Williams?" Steve smirked. The clouds had moved over head blocking the sun and there were a few sprinkles starting.

"Maybe, Lt. Cmdr. McGarrett." Danny raised their linked hands and kissed Steve's knuckles. "What do you say we take this inside before it really starts to rain?" They could see the line of rain heading towards the shore.

"'kay." Even with Danny's help it took several minutes to get Steve up on his feet accompanied by a muffled groan and a wince or two.

"By the way why hell are you up so damned early?" Danny's arm was warm around his waist as they headed inside. "It's call recuperation for a reason. You're supposed to rest - to sleep, McGarrett."

"Habit." He shrugged and let his partner lead him to the stairs. "'Sides all I've been doing since getting back is sleeping - first in the hospital and now here." He paused as he had to concentrate on climbing up to the master bedroom. "'s boring."

"Boring?" Danny shook his head as helped Steve settle on the bed. "Most normal mortals would still be in the hospital with nurses, I.V.s and good drugs. Speaking of drugs did you take your morning meds yet?"

"Not yet." Steve sat propped against the headboard with pillows cushioning his back. Danny shook his head and head to the door.

"I'll be right back." He shook a finger at Steve. "Don't move."

"Wouldn't dream of it." He grinned to himself and relaxed.

A short while later, Danny bustled in with a tray with a plate with an egg-white omelet with wheat toast and large glass of juice on one side and another plate with a couple of malasadas and large mug of coffee. He had the newspaper and a laptop tucked under his arm as well.

Danny set the tray next to Steve in the middle of the bed and settled on the other side. He uncovered a small pile of pills on a napkin. "Take your meds like a good Army Ranger."

"Seal, Navy Seal, Danny," Steve corrected even as he reached for the tablets and juice. He was aching enough not to protest taking his morning dose. Depending upon how he felt later, he would probably argue against taking his afternoon pain meds.

"Whatever." Danny waved a hand in dismissal. "I figure we can read the paper, catch up on paperwork via the network connection and maybe later watch a movie or two. In between napping and maybe taking a shower."

"Sounds good to me." Steve grinned as he tucked into his breakfast suddenly ravenous. When they had finished breakfast, Danny reached for the tray and started to stand up; Steve grabbed his wrist. "Stay." His partner froze and looked at him.

"For how long?"

"Forever."

Danny studied him for a long moment before leaning in for a kiss. As kisses went it wasn't one for the ages, but it was their first. He tasted the coffee and malasadas Danny had had for breakfast, but beyond that he tasted Danny. He tentatively explored his partner's mouth and found his mouth plundered in return. When the need for air finally drove them apart, he saw his partner's pupils were blown in reaction.

"Okay." Danny moved the tray to the floor beside the bed and moved closer to Steve.

"As much as-" His partner's finger on his lips cut him off.

"You've still got a lot of healing to do." Danny shifted them so that Steve was under the covers with his arms around him. "But that doesn't mean we can't enjoy just being together or as my ex used to say 'cuddling'." Danny gifted him with a light chaste kiss. "The rest will happen when it happens."

"Sounds like a plan."

~ el fin ~