Murder, Inc.
Much to the chagrin of the increasingly diminuitive part of me that's actually responsible, I think I've become addicted to this whole thing. Not the stimulants (although I'm certainly a caffeine addict in a bad way), but this recurring nightmare I find myself in because I continue to fuck myself over. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I manage to keep maneuvering myself into being between a rock and hard place, and I let out a bellicose and boisterous battlecry (alliteration is fun, boys and girls) every time I beat the odds and end back up on top. The thrill of overcoming all odds to succeed is understandably alluring. However, this is still an exercise in utter fucking stupidity, and I don't even need Cody or my dad to remind me of that fact. Every single time I do this, I promise myself it's the last time; I swear I'll be responsible from now on, I'll make sure I go to every class and read ahead and work hard and save money and hit the gym for some much-needed improvement of my body and meditate for some much-needed improvement for my soul and blah blah blah; it never fucking happens though. Am I really this lazy? I wasn't brought up to be. Anyone who knows my parents knows that. I'm better than this, but I just keep on making the same mistake over and over and over, like a shitty record that's stuck on James Brown screaming "YEAAAH!!"
I can't discern the reason, really. It could be that I'm just too smart for my own good, and thus believe that I can get away with the most deplorable sort of procrastination. Perhaps I'm just too stubborn to change my ways until I get slapped really, REALLY hard by life. Or I could just be a plain fucking moron. I'm leaning more and more towards the latter.
I've become increasingly and painfully aware of my need to dispense with all my bullshit pseudo-intellectual hubris and start being a real man. If only this was the days of old, when being a man only required a big stick and a strong distaste for all those pantywaist girly-man antics of the French (those damn cultural snobs! Go go Freedom Tickler!). Alas, now I've got to learn to buck up and deal with my shit. Chances are, I'll probably be in this same situation and repeating this same exact tired-out tirade within a few months. I certainly hope not. Could someone please shove a lit firecracker up my ass to get me going? Thanks.
I can't discern the reason, really. It could be that I'm just too smart for my own good, and thus believe that I can get away with the most deplorable sort of procrastination. Perhaps I'm just too stubborn to change my ways until I get slapped really, REALLY hard by life. Or I could just be a plain fucking moron. I'm leaning more and more towards the latter.
I've become increasingly and painfully aware of my need to dispense with all my bullshit pseudo-intellectual hubris and start being a real man. If only this was the days of old, when being a man only required a big stick and a strong distaste for all those pantywaist girly-man antics of the French (those damn cultural snobs! Go go Freedom Tickler!). Alas, now I've got to learn to buck up and deal with my shit. Chances are, I'll probably be in this same situation and repeating this same exact tired-out tirade within a few months. I certainly hope not. Could someone please shove a lit firecracker up my ass to get me going? Thanks.