Completely Nonconsensual Television Fanatacism!
Well, I'll just bet that I confused some of you with the title to this little gem! I've had a doozy of a week on television, so that's what this post is going to be about -- why? Because I'm bored, I have nothing else to do, and I'm not in the mood for creative writing right now (not to mention, there's a completely hot guy sitting not ten feet from me that's fun to look at). So, therefore: nonconsensual television. What is this, you ask? It is the phenomenon wherein you are almost forced into watching a show that you have zero interest in watching. And then, suddenly, you're ten episodes in and freaking out that there's no more to watch, and everyone in the room is staring at you. You have been audio/visually raped, and you liked it, and now hate yourself, because without your realizing it you have become a geek about the television show. This happened to me not once, but two times this month!
THE FIRST OFFENDER: GLEE
Why, my stars and garters, why? FOX network -- with whom I have a tumultuous relationship to begin with -- has played off of their enormous success with the gutter trash that is American Idol and allowed a strange musical dramedy known as Glee to begin on the network, airing on Wednesday nights at 9:00. What the hell is Glee? you may be asking yourself. Glee is a musical, in the sense that there is a lot of singing, that is a serialized television show. WTF?! The singing, thankfully, makes sense, because each song is for a performance of some kind and it isn't a musical in the strictest sense. Whatever.
The show centers around inspiring Spanish teacher Will Schuester who wants to remember his glory days as a performer by taking over the now-vacant glee club -- that's a drama club to the rest of us normal folk. He's trapped in a loveless marriage with his wretched shrew of a wife Terri, who's a sympathetic character even though you don't want her to be. Then there's Rachel, the at first enormously bitchy yet gutwrenchingly talented singer who's the star of the glee club (at least in her mind). Again, she's so bitchy at times that you don't want to connect with her, but you do.
The show is strange in that it doesn't suffer from the cliches of high school that it surrounds itself in; instead, it thrives on them and uses them to make the characters learn and grow -- therefore, Rachel is now much less of a bitch and so is the head cheerleader. Oh my GOD, the Cheerios, as they're called. They're led by a woman known as Sue Sylvester with an iron fist. This woman eats kids souls for breakfast and spits them back out into her protein shakes and then sucks them back up with a bendy straw! She's fucking psychotic! You just...it's just...god, it's so hard to explain why I like the show, but by the end of the first episode I was singing along with their ground-stomping rendition of "Don't Stop Believing." I already own the first volume of the season one soundtrack and I can't wait for the second one.
Seriously, though -- the terrifying rendition of "Rehab" by the opposing school was amazing, the choral/rap version of "Gold Digger" was side-splitting, and Kristin Chenoweth of Wicked fame guest-starred as a drunken ex-glee student who came in and had them do a cowboy-slut rendition of Carrie Underwood's "Last Name." It was awe-inspiring to watch the huge black chick take her anger out on the poor gay kid by smashing his windshield in and then busting a move to "Bust Your Windows." I can't say much more -- other than watching the entire football team do the "Single Ladies" dance in perfect synch -- but, seriously, I'm a "Gleek" and I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED!
THE SECOND AND EVEN WORSE OFFENDER: THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
Yes, I've watched a show that broadcasts on the CW. Just to give you an idea, I DESPISE the CW. It's the home of Gossip Girl and Smallville and The Hills, all of which should have been put to pasture by way of a shotgun to the face long ago. When I heard of the latest round of vampire hysteria, The Vampire Diaries, I thought even the name sounded gagworthy. The fact that it was on the CW should have made it even more off-limits. But, one of my dear friends had read the books, given the show a try, and insisted that aside from the male eye-candy I would really enjoy myself.
I was six episodes in before I even realized that I'd started!!!!! I don't know what happened! But it's addictive! It's set in high school but it's not a high school story. The bad guy, Damon, aside from being sexy, is actually scary. When was the last time a vampire on television was actually scary? I'll tell you when; it was when Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel went evil. That was the last time a vampire frightened me on television. But Damon? If I saw him in a dark alley I'd grab the nearest stake and run for my fucking life!
The good guy, Stefan, is sexy as hell -- even better than his brother -- and he's not ashamed to admit that his fascination with Elena, the main character, is creepy, which speaks well for him. Elena, naturally, is the spitting image of the sire of the two brothers, Damon and Stefan, Katherine. There's creepiness abounding, and a strong natural witchcraft element running through it. Katherine is down to earth and realistic and I actually like her, which is weird. Not to mention, whoever runs the music for that show, I could date if it was a guy, because, hell yeah!
The mythology is original, the special-effects are actually worth seeing, the angst is angsty and the bad guy is scary but still attractive and believable. I am officially a convert to drinking the The Vampire Diaries Kool Aid. And I'm talking about that really creepy kool aid man who jumps through your wall and screams "Oh yeah!" Yeah, that one.
Stuff of nightmares!
OTHER RELATED TELEVISION WINS AND OFFENSES!
On Monday nights, I sometimes tune in to House. I've officially stopped, again, because he just fired his old, interesting team, again, and brought the uninteresting ones back on, which sucks. The only even half-way decent character of the "new" team is 13, the bisexual and supremely disinterested sarcastic. I can't watch any of the other ones; they irritate me. The show is just old after, what, five and a half seasons now? There's only so many times you can watch House be sarcastic to someone without just thinking, dude, get the fuck over yourself and make out with Wilson already. Or fuck Cuddy. Something.
Tuesdays I watch V, which isn't quite living up to its potential so far, but then I got really irritated. The original television miniseries that V is based on was a political allegory to Nazi Germany and to Communist/Socialist countries and how they quietly took over. Naturally, to keep today's show relevant, they added some allusions to Barrack Obama. Now, me, personally? I dislike Obama -- I think he's an idealistic idiot unweighted by reality -- but they aren't taking potshots at him left and right. Anyone with a brain can tell you that Obama's campaign was something unseen by this country before: he brought not just hope but fanatacism with him. His followers are almost religious in their adoration of him -- just look at the media! So when all kinds of people misconstrue the use of that as an entertainment medium to propel a "right-wing agenda," it makes me really mad. So now one of the original writers is being replaced by someone more "politically correct" after V goes on its December hiatus.
Political correctness led to Fort Hood. Just saying.
Moving on to greener pastures! Wednesdays I now watch Glee, of course, but I also watch Eastwick. Now, some may say that this isn't cause for celebration as Eastwick just got cancelled by ABC, but it's going to finish it's 13-episode season one run and then Lifetime network is talking about picking it up. It's not the most likely thing in the world, but if it's a ray of hope, I'll take it. Thursdays, of course, is dedicated to Bones...and they finally got Booth to admit that he's in love with Brennan!!!!!! Oh, my god, I'm so hopeful...yet so frustrated, because clearly he's not going to act on it for quite some time because he needs to woo her and convince her and...sigh. Watching Seeley Booth woo people. I hate her, really, I do, but I love her anyway. Fringe is actually starting to get really good again and last week's mind-control episode was about a 9.3 on my weird-shit-o-meter, so that's good!
In about three weeks, Dollhouse is coming back in December. Since we already know that Dollhouse has been cancelled but will still be allowed to finish out its second season, there's no pressure for ratings, so I'm REALLY excited about December now, because for three weeks it's going to be a Dollhouse EXPLOSION! Two episodes a night, bitches! That's six new episodes in a three-week period, oh, HELL yeah! And those episodes look like they are going to kick ass on all cylinders, judging from the synopses released by FOX, so you know what? Hell to the yeah!
Also, Nicholas Brendon -- the criminally underrused actor who played Xander Harris on Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- just played his first bad guy, a psycho serial killer neighbor on a TV movie...and he was actually SCARY! It was the strangest thing because I didn't think that he could do scary, but he can, and it was sexy as hell to watch! He's coming back as the adorably scruffy computer programmer Kevin Lynch on Criminal Minds for a few episodes to continue sweeping Garcia off her feet. Those two are so god-damn cute together! Also, Nathan Fillion donned a Firefly uniform for Halloween on Castle. It was bittersweet and yet sexy as hell to watch!
I also just bought Dark Angel on DVD -- the first season, since it only has two so I can afford to wait on the second season. I'd forgotten how much I love that show! The next television show on my list is to try Brothers and Sisters, which is supposed to be really good from a gay angle.
Well, I think that's pretty much it for tonight. I'm going to go home, finish catching up on Glee so I can be ready for Wednesday's episode, and then watch V (hey, that rhymes). I will not, however, watch The Vampire Diaries live, ever, because Bones is on the same timeslot, and I'm sorry but David Boreanaz and just that show in general will win me over every time. Oh, right -- I'm going to see New Moon -- oh, excuse me: The Twilight Saga: New Moon this weekend, so I'll post to tell you all how it went. It looks like it really improved on the old one, and I know the soundtrack and the score did, so I'm actually excited.
Okay, then. Peace and love and happy watching to you all!
THE FIRST OFFENDER: GLEE
Why, my stars and garters, why? FOX network -- with whom I have a tumultuous relationship to begin with -- has played off of their enormous success with the gutter trash that is American Idol and allowed a strange musical dramedy known as Glee to begin on the network, airing on Wednesday nights at 9:00. What the hell is Glee? you may be asking yourself. Glee is a musical, in the sense that there is a lot of singing, that is a serialized television show. WTF?! The singing, thankfully, makes sense, because each song is for a performance of some kind and it isn't a musical in the strictest sense. Whatever.
The show centers around inspiring Spanish teacher Will Schuester who wants to remember his glory days as a performer by taking over the now-vacant glee club -- that's a drama club to the rest of us normal folk. He's trapped in a loveless marriage with his wretched shrew of a wife Terri, who's a sympathetic character even though you don't want her to be. Then there's Rachel, the at first enormously bitchy yet gutwrenchingly talented singer who's the star of the glee club (at least in her mind). Again, she's so bitchy at times that you don't want to connect with her, but you do.
The show is strange in that it doesn't suffer from the cliches of high school that it surrounds itself in; instead, it thrives on them and uses them to make the characters learn and grow -- therefore, Rachel is now much less of a bitch and so is the head cheerleader. Oh my GOD, the Cheerios, as they're called. They're led by a woman known as Sue Sylvester with an iron fist. This woman eats kids souls for breakfast and spits them back out into her protein shakes and then sucks them back up with a bendy straw! She's fucking psychotic! You just...it's just...god, it's so hard to explain why I like the show, but by the end of the first episode I was singing along with their ground-stomping rendition of "Don't Stop Believing." I already own the first volume of the season one soundtrack and I can't wait for the second one.
Seriously, though -- the terrifying rendition of "Rehab" by the opposing school was amazing, the choral/rap version of "Gold Digger" was side-splitting, and Kristin Chenoweth of Wicked fame guest-starred as a drunken ex-glee student who came in and had them do a cowboy-slut rendition of Carrie Underwood's "Last Name." It was awe-inspiring to watch the huge black chick take her anger out on the poor gay kid by smashing his windshield in and then busting a move to "Bust Your Windows." I can't say much more -- other than watching the entire football team do the "Single Ladies" dance in perfect synch -- but, seriously, I'm a "Gleek" and I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED!
THE SECOND AND EVEN WORSE OFFENDER: THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
Yes, I've watched a show that broadcasts on the CW. Just to give you an idea, I DESPISE the CW. It's the home of Gossip Girl and Smallville and The Hills, all of which should have been put to pasture by way of a shotgun to the face long ago. When I heard of the latest round of vampire hysteria, The Vampire Diaries, I thought even the name sounded gagworthy. The fact that it was on the CW should have made it even more off-limits. But, one of my dear friends had read the books, given the show a try, and insisted that aside from the male eye-candy I would really enjoy myself.
I was six episodes in before I even realized that I'd started!!!!! I don't know what happened! But it's addictive! It's set in high school but it's not a high school story. The bad guy, Damon, aside from being sexy, is actually scary. When was the last time a vampire on television was actually scary? I'll tell you when; it was when Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel went evil. That was the last time a vampire frightened me on television. But Damon? If I saw him in a dark alley I'd grab the nearest stake and run for my fucking life!
The good guy, Stefan, is sexy as hell -- even better than his brother -- and he's not ashamed to admit that his fascination with Elena, the main character, is creepy, which speaks well for him. Elena, naturally, is the spitting image of the sire of the two brothers, Damon and Stefan, Katherine. There's creepiness abounding, and a strong natural witchcraft element running through it. Katherine is down to earth and realistic and I actually like her, which is weird. Not to mention, whoever runs the music for that show, I could date if it was a guy, because, hell yeah!
The mythology is original, the special-effects are actually worth seeing, the angst is angsty and the bad guy is scary but still attractive and believable. I am officially a convert to drinking the The Vampire Diaries Kool Aid. And I'm talking about that really creepy kool aid man who jumps through your wall and screams "Oh yeah!" Yeah, that one.
Stuff of nightmares!
OTHER RELATED TELEVISION WINS AND OFFENSES!
On Monday nights, I sometimes tune in to House. I've officially stopped, again, because he just fired his old, interesting team, again, and brought the uninteresting ones back on, which sucks. The only even half-way decent character of the "new" team is 13, the bisexual and supremely disinterested sarcastic. I can't watch any of the other ones; they irritate me. The show is just old after, what, five and a half seasons now? There's only so many times you can watch House be sarcastic to someone without just thinking, dude, get the fuck over yourself and make out with Wilson already. Or fuck Cuddy. Something.
Tuesdays I watch V, which isn't quite living up to its potential so far, but then I got really irritated. The original television miniseries that V is based on was a political allegory to Nazi Germany and to Communist/Socialist countries and how they quietly took over. Naturally, to keep today's show relevant, they added some allusions to Barrack Obama. Now, me, personally? I dislike Obama -- I think he's an idealistic idiot unweighted by reality -- but they aren't taking potshots at him left and right. Anyone with a brain can tell you that Obama's campaign was something unseen by this country before: he brought not just hope but fanatacism with him. His followers are almost religious in their adoration of him -- just look at the media! So when all kinds of people misconstrue the use of that as an entertainment medium to propel a "right-wing agenda," it makes me really mad. So now one of the original writers is being replaced by someone more "politically correct" after V goes on its December hiatus.
Political correctness led to Fort Hood. Just saying.
Moving on to greener pastures! Wednesdays I now watch Glee, of course, but I also watch Eastwick. Now, some may say that this isn't cause for celebration as Eastwick just got cancelled by ABC, but it's going to finish it's 13-episode season one run and then Lifetime network is talking about picking it up. It's not the most likely thing in the world, but if it's a ray of hope, I'll take it. Thursdays, of course, is dedicated to Bones...and they finally got Booth to admit that he's in love with Brennan!!!!!! Oh, my god, I'm so hopeful...yet so frustrated, because clearly he's not going to act on it for quite some time because he needs to woo her and convince her and...sigh. Watching Seeley Booth woo people. I hate her, really, I do, but I love her anyway. Fringe is actually starting to get really good again and last week's mind-control episode was about a 9.3 on my weird-shit-o-meter, so that's good!
In about three weeks, Dollhouse is coming back in December. Since we already know that Dollhouse has been cancelled but will still be allowed to finish out its second season, there's no pressure for ratings, so I'm REALLY excited about December now, because for three weeks it's going to be a Dollhouse EXPLOSION! Two episodes a night, bitches! That's six new episodes in a three-week period, oh, HELL yeah! And those episodes look like they are going to kick ass on all cylinders, judging from the synopses released by FOX, so you know what? Hell to the yeah!
Also, Nicholas Brendon -- the criminally underrused actor who played Xander Harris on Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- just played his first bad guy, a psycho serial killer neighbor on a TV movie...and he was actually SCARY! It was the strangest thing because I didn't think that he could do scary, but he can, and it was sexy as hell to watch! He's coming back as the adorably scruffy computer programmer Kevin Lynch on Criminal Minds for a few episodes to continue sweeping Garcia off her feet. Those two are so god-damn cute together! Also, Nathan Fillion donned a Firefly uniform for Halloween on Castle. It was bittersweet and yet sexy as hell to watch!
I also just bought Dark Angel on DVD -- the first season, since it only has two so I can afford to wait on the second season. I'd forgotten how much I love that show! The next television show on my list is to try Brothers and Sisters, which is supposed to be really good from a gay angle.
Well, I think that's pretty much it for tonight. I'm going to go home, finish catching up on Glee so I can be ready for Wednesday's episode, and then watch V (hey, that rhymes). I will not, however, watch The Vampire Diaries live, ever, because Bones is on the same timeslot, and I'm sorry but David Boreanaz and just that show in general will win me over every time. Oh, right -- I'm going to see New Moon -- oh, excuse me: The Twilight Saga: New Moon this weekend, so I'll post to tell you all how it went. It looks like it really improved on the old one, and I know the soundtrack and the score did, so I'm actually excited.
Okay, then. Peace and love and happy watching to you all!