Haven't done one of these in a while.
Haven't had a freak out like this in a while. But, when it happens, you know I'll always come crying back to this thing to sort it out.
So.
I guess it started with my unproductive day. I never realized that I'm actually happier going through books and writing papers than doing nothing. Doing nothing actually stresses me out. This situation did not help with my crappy day.
It seems as though, whenever I plan something, it always backfires. I now have steaks in the freezer . . . which will most likely be eaten by Clare and I tomorrow while under the heavy influence of alcohol. I thought I had left that 'drink until you can't feel feelings' thing back in first year. Apparently not. I got so frustrated with myself at one point (after I didn't receive any 'I love you's or any 'good night, I'll talk to you tomorrow, baby's) that I actually resorted to eating Ben and Jerry's and bitching with Clare. The ice cream left me feeling, shall I say 'Less than Desirable', which made me more frustrated with myself, which led to more ice cream (The Vicious Cycle O'Womanhood, I like to call it).
Perhaps I should have just said, "No, baby, I forgot about it to", then let it move on. When I first did that, however, I felt so goddamn nice. I clenched my teeth, and just wanted to move on. When the subject was rehashed, however, I couldn't help it. The hurt I felt overran the nice. And I blew up a little. We've had worse problems, yes, but for some reason, they're getting harder and harder to deal with.
Perhaps I just need to go back to the library.
Well, there we are.
Sadly, I don't really feel better.
I just feel worn the fuck out.
So.
I guess it started with my unproductive day. I never realized that I'm actually happier going through books and writing papers than doing nothing. Doing nothing actually stresses me out. This situation did not help with my crappy day.
It seems as though, whenever I plan something, it always backfires. I now have steaks in the freezer . . . which will most likely be eaten by Clare and I tomorrow while under the heavy influence of alcohol. I thought I had left that 'drink until you can't feel feelings' thing back in first year. Apparently not. I got so frustrated with myself at one point (after I didn't receive any 'I love you's or any 'good night, I'll talk to you tomorrow, baby's) that I actually resorted to eating Ben and Jerry's and bitching with Clare. The ice cream left me feeling, shall I say 'Less than Desirable', which made me more frustrated with myself, which led to more ice cream (The Vicious Cycle O'Womanhood, I like to call it).
Perhaps I should have just said, "No, baby, I forgot about it to", then let it move on. When I first did that, however, I felt so goddamn nice. I clenched my teeth, and just wanted to move on. When the subject was rehashed, however, I couldn't help it. The hurt I felt overran the nice. And I blew up a little. We've had worse problems, yes, but for some reason, they're getting harder and harder to deal with.
Perhaps I just need to go back to the library.
Well, there we are.
Sadly, I don't really feel better.
I just feel worn the fuck out.