(no subject)
i keep saying i wont let things bother me, but its so hard not to. and once i let one thing bother me, its like i open the flood gates so then everything bothers me. i start feeling like everyone hates me, doubting every decision i have ever made, missing people i shouldnt be missing, letting the stupidest things turn into the hugest deals, and not getting anything done. i feel like i need a break.
ok that sounded way more depressed than it should. in actuality, things are going amazingly well. this weekend was amazing, lots of drunkenness with awesome people. i love my friends and i really cant say it enough. i have a lot to be happy about, and a lot that i am extremely happy about.
but i am so completely bummed out about school. i really just want to give up. i have no desire at all to do anything for any of my classes. i am so completely apathetic. i am not learning anything and i feel like i am just wasting my time and my money.
yet at the same time, i dont want to graduate. because i mean, what the fuck am i gonna do once i graduate?
so i feel like i need a break. i need an adventure. i need it to be spring. of course i say this just as fall is kicking into full gear. i miss the reservior. i want to go camping. i want to go on a road trip with a car full of friends and the windows down and awesome music playing. i want dance parties every night. i want to be able read books that i want to read and not be worrying about what i should be reading for my classes. i want to be excited about learning new things. i dont want to get any older.
time is flying by and im starting to feel like i cant keep up with it. we register for next semester in less than a week. my last semester at college. i have to decide what im doing. and then im going to have to start thinking about what im doing after graduation. for serious. things like, where am i going to live? who am i going to live with? what am i going to do?
and suddenly its like its the rest of my life. and i really dont know if i am ready for that. there is so much i am still just starting to figure out. i feel so young, im not ready to be old. i want fun, im not ready for responsibility. i love adventure, im not ready to be serious.
i need a jump start. i need a sign. i need meaning.
i need a break.
any suggestions? whos coming with me??
ok that sounded way more depressed than it should. in actuality, things are going amazingly well. this weekend was amazing, lots of drunkenness with awesome people. i love my friends and i really cant say it enough. i have a lot to be happy about, and a lot that i am extremely happy about.
but i am so completely bummed out about school. i really just want to give up. i have no desire at all to do anything for any of my classes. i am so completely apathetic. i am not learning anything and i feel like i am just wasting my time and my money.
yet at the same time, i dont want to graduate. because i mean, what the fuck am i gonna do once i graduate?
so i feel like i need a break. i need an adventure. i need it to be spring. of course i say this just as fall is kicking into full gear. i miss the reservior. i want to go camping. i want to go on a road trip with a car full of friends and the windows down and awesome music playing. i want dance parties every night. i want to be able read books that i want to read and not be worrying about what i should be reading for my classes. i want to be excited about learning new things. i dont want to get any older.
time is flying by and im starting to feel like i cant keep up with it. we register for next semester in less than a week. my last semester at college. i have to decide what im doing. and then im going to have to start thinking about what im doing after graduation. for serious. things like, where am i going to live? who am i going to live with? what am i going to do?
and suddenly its like its the rest of my life. and i really dont know if i am ready for that. there is so much i am still just starting to figure out. i feel so young, im not ready to be old. i want fun, im not ready for responsibility. i love adventure, im not ready to be serious.
i need a jump start. i need a sign. i need meaning.
i need a break.
any suggestions? whos coming with me??