(no subject)
Why do I write here? I'm not even sure if anyone is even listening...
Why do we lie? When is the proper time to tell the truth? If you're trying to help someone , at a time when they're going through something serious, how can you keep it a secret from those you love, from those you see everyday? From those you know will possibly be the key factors in how it all works out? How can you honestly look that person in the face and say 'no, I won't tell them" when you know you have to. Times when there are certain people that need to know.
I've felt distanced from this whole situation from the beginning, despite being in the middle of it. I listen to the parties, but I'm not going to say that I have the answers for them. I see things happening that I have absolutely no control in, and no concept of what needs to get done.
As one of the parties said, I like things simple. Not all things, but situations in my life. I don't like it when things get really stressful. I don't think most people do.
But when things slip... when words are said that causes the truth, or part of it, to come out, the part that says "I had to tell them"... what do I say? She feels betrayed, and damned if I don't agree that she should. But I'd be lying if I said it could have been kept secret this long, especially from those people.
I know she needs time to heal, to think this over. But I can see the walls building. I can see her distrust in people growing, though I haven't talked with her... I hate it. And I hate feeling so damned useless about it.
Family issues which some of you may know a little bit about have been omnipresent in my life lately. It sort of coincided with a really happy event in my life, and continues to make this period more and more confusing to me. And it tears me in two.
The other part of me, the part not focused on those issues...
I want to feel ecstatic. I want to lift my voice to the heavens and sing out how I feel... and yet there is doubt. I've had so little experience with these matters... do I really feel something, or is it just the urgent need to fulfill some need society has imposed upon me?
Does she feel anything for me? Does she already have someone?
Her face is still a mystery to me. She's beautiful, and yet I could not tell you of the color of her eyes, or the touch of her lips. When I'm with her... well, I can't say I know for sure. I've only been with her twice, though we talk online everyday... Was that comment she made about not being good on the phone not as I thought? should I call her?
The distance between us is more of a factor than other things, in my mind. I wish I could see her everyday, talk to her more than over AIM. But we both work, and she's taking classes. What do I do? I'm playing this by ear, and hoping like mad that it'll all work out...
Why do we lie? When is the proper time to tell the truth? If you're trying to help someone , at a time when they're going through something serious, how can you keep it a secret from those you love, from those you see everyday? From those you know will possibly be the key factors in how it all works out? How can you honestly look that person in the face and say 'no, I won't tell them" when you know you have to. Times when there are certain people that need to know.
I've felt distanced from this whole situation from the beginning, despite being in the middle of it. I listen to the parties, but I'm not going to say that I have the answers for them. I see things happening that I have absolutely no control in, and no concept of what needs to get done.
As one of the parties said, I like things simple. Not all things, but situations in my life. I don't like it when things get really stressful. I don't think most people do.
But when things slip... when words are said that causes the truth, or part of it, to come out, the part that says "I had to tell them"... what do I say? She feels betrayed, and damned if I don't agree that she should. But I'd be lying if I said it could have been kept secret this long, especially from those people.
I know she needs time to heal, to think this over. But I can see the walls building. I can see her distrust in people growing, though I haven't talked with her... I hate it. And I hate feeling so damned useless about it.
Family issues which some of you may know a little bit about have been omnipresent in my life lately. It sort of coincided with a really happy event in my life, and continues to make this period more and more confusing to me. And it tears me in two.
The other part of me, the part not focused on those issues...
I want to feel ecstatic. I want to lift my voice to the heavens and sing out how I feel... and yet there is doubt. I've had so little experience with these matters... do I really feel something, or is it just the urgent need to fulfill some need society has imposed upon me?
Does she feel anything for me? Does she already have someone?
Her face is still a mystery to me. She's beautiful, and yet I could not tell you of the color of her eyes, or the touch of her lips. When I'm with her... well, I can't say I know for sure. I've only been with her twice, though we talk online everyday... Was that comment she made about not being good on the phone not as I thought? should I call her?
The distance between us is more of a factor than other things, in my mind. I wish I could see her everyday, talk to her more than over AIM. But we both work, and she's taking classes. What do I do? I'm playing this by ear, and hoping like mad that it'll all work out...