hmm....
recently, as in the past few days, things have been grating on me.
not so much that im pissed off, but enough that i feel like im noticeably aggressive and annoyed.
and THAT pisses me off, and depresses me.
i dont even know what it is. i looked in the mirror after a shower the other day and just thought "for fuck sake, hurry up and look better. this is pathetic. youre pathetic" a very teenage girl thing to say, but hey.
And jo texted me the other day saying she saw a chav i once knew from school, and that apparently im e. and that REALLY ticked me off.
i spent five. fucking. years. dealing with that shit. I WILL NOT FUCKING TOLERATE IT NOW IM AWAY FROM YOU CUNTS.
if he ever worked up the courage to say it to my face, he'd be unconcious in seconds.
i guess the thing that ive been missing since leaving school is anger. i dont have that all consuming fury that hits me as soon as the lights go out. i used to drift asleep literally trembling with surpress anger. it doesnt happen now, and in an odd way i miss it. because ive no longer got that direction it gave me. i dont have a focus, a point. im just drifting at the moment. maybe if i move out i could relax completely, and be completely free of everything ive ever hated. its a goal i suppose. it just needs to happen now (wink wink) :P
this is just a part of me no body knows about. nobody knows more times than i can count ive (and this shames me to think about it xD) cried myself to sleep, because ive hated so much. all of it. maybe im just picky. its as good an explanation as any.
there isnt even really an explanation for it. is my life that shit? no, not really. i just hate alot. and im too stubborn to try to like anything ive previously said i hated.
Well, there you go. i opened up. hope you enjoyed it, cause i didnt. i feel all uncomfortable inside.
you know that tingley feeling you get inside when you know youve done something altruistic, or loving, or nice?
this was nothing like that :P
laters,
Pewsily
not so much that im pissed off, but enough that i feel like im noticeably aggressive and annoyed.
and THAT pisses me off, and depresses me.
i dont even know what it is. i looked in the mirror after a shower the other day and just thought "for fuck sake, hurry up and look better. this is pathetic. youre pathetic" a very teenage girl thing to say, but hey.
And jo texted me the other day saying she saw a chav i once knew from school, and that apparently im e. and that REALLY ticked me off.
i spent five. fucking. years. dealing with that shit. I WILL NOT FUCKING TOLERATE IT NOW IM AWAY FROM YOU CUNTS.
if he ever worked up the courage to say it to my face, he'd be unconcious in seconds.
i guess the thing that ive been missing since leaving school is anger. i dont have that all consuming fury that hits me as soon as the lights go out. i used to drift asleep literally trembling with surpress anger. it doesnt happen now, and in an odd way i miss it. because ive no longer got that direction it gave me. i dont have a focus, a point. im just drifting at the moment. maybe if i move out i could relax completely, and be completely free of everything ive ever hated. its a goal i suppose. it just needs to happen now (wink wink) :P
this is just a part of me no body knows about. nobody knows more times than i can count ive (and this shames me to think about it xD) cried myself to sleep, because ive hated so much. all of it. maybe im just picky. its as good an explanation as any.
there isnt even really an explanation for it. is my life that shit? no, not really. i just hate alot. and im too stubborn to try to like anything ive previously said i hated.
Well, there you go. i opened up. hope you enjoyed it, cause i didnt. i feel all uncomfortable inside.
you know that tingley feeling you get inside when you know youve done something altruistic, or loving, or nice?
this was nothing like that :P
laters,
Pewsily