Reid, Luke, and a T-Rex: A Very Merry Snyder Christmas
“Reid! Turn off the TV. We’ve got to go!” Luke called from their bedroom. Reid heard his boyfriend run into a box with an “oof!” and tried not to laugh. They had just moved in together shortly before Thanksgiving, and they still had a few boxes left to unpack.
Reid didn’t understand why Luke refused to unpack those last three boxes. Just because they were Reid’s was no excuse. Reid had unpacked that one box of Luke’s.
According to Luke, it didn’t count because it was a condom box. Reid thought it should count more because it was the most important box, but he hadn’t swayed Luke on the issue. Though, if Reid had to choose, he’d take the look on Luke’s face when Reid had said it was the most important box--and the resulting sex-any day of the week.
“Reid!” Luke appeared from the doorway, rubbing his knee.
“Don’t hurt yourself. They won’t start the festivities without their prince.” Reid wiggled back farther into the leather couch. He had no interest in getting to Lily’s on time.
Luke came around the sofa and looked at him uncertainly. “Please…just…try, okay? I know family celebrations aren’t your thing, but just be glad I got us out of tomorrow. Remember the party line: We are desperately looking forward to our first Christmas together and want to spend it alone.”
“That’s easy because I do want to spend it with you alone,” Reid said as he stood up and then swooped in for a kiss. He hated seeing that pleading look on Luke’s face. Not that he would ever admit as much-Luke would probably use it all the time if he knew. It would be a huge mistake to underestimate Luke’s ruthless Grimaldi streak.
Luke smiled, leaned in for another kiss (that was too brief) and said, “Good. So do I. But please don’t waggle your eyebrows when you say ‘alone’ to my mother.”
Reid shrugged. “She has four kids that we know of. I’m pretty sure she knows what we get up to when we’re by ourselves.” Reid had developed a habit of qualifying the amount of children anyone had in Oakdale. New siblings seemed to spring up each month he’d been there, and he wasn’t going to be bitten in the ass again by that. And, although he wouldn’t tell Luke this, Lily seemed exactly the type with a child hidden in some hole somewhere. The Baby Daddy was probably straight mafia this time just for kicks.
Luke rolled his eyes and picked up his keys off the table. “Do you have what gift you want me to open?”
Reid eyed Luke’s ass while his back was turned (not that he wouldn’t do it with Luke looking, but that was physically improbable). Instead of answering him, Reid asked, “Tell me again why we have to open one present the night before Christmas again? They know about Santa, right?”
Luke turned and started counting off on his fingers: “Because it’s a family tradition, and we like to see everyone’s face light up when they open their gift. The kids are so excited for Christmas that it’s hard for them to wait. And agreeing to this was the only way you and I were going to spend tomorrow alone. Otherwise, we’d be spending our night at the farm, which you insisted would kill you if you ever had to sleep on one of Emma’s thin mattresses again.”
“It’s not my fault that I can’t sleep on those beds given the amount of spawning that’s been done of them over the years. And don’t give me that crap about how Emma doesn’t allow unmarried people to have sex on their beds. We’re talking about Carly, Luke! And your parents-don’t-give-me-that-face-you-know-it’s-true-and Katie. Katie has stayed there, and you know how she is.”
“My grandma’s beds are clean,” Luke said.
“Wanna put it to the blacklight test?”
Luke frowned and shivered. “No.”
“Ha! So you know it’s a den of ejaculation and sex sweat.”
“I’m going to tell Grandma that you called her house a den of sex sweat.”
“No! You can’t. She might cut off the pie or the cold cuts. Do you remember the Thanksgiving turkey? You can’t do that to me.”
The younger man smirked. “Then grab your gift, doctor, stop stalling, and let’s go.”
“Fine! But you owe me, Snyder.” Reid marched over to the small Christmas tree that Luke had insisted upon having in the apartment. He’d dragged Reid out at the crack of dawn one morning to cut the thing down at the farm. (Luke’s insistence on doing things at the farm before the sun came up was something Reid would never understand. It was probably some form of madness that wouldn’t show up on an MRI.) The next thing Reid knew, they were waist-deep in tinsel and tangled lights and trying to decorate a tree that they could never get perfectly vertical. Luke had started cursing vociferously when the tree tipped to the side for the umpteenth time, and Reid had laughed and laughed.
Come to think of it, Reid sort of loved that tree.
The auburn-haired man swept over and bent slowly to pick up the present he’d carefully selected for just this occasion. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Luke looking rather interestedly at his posterior, and Reid felt a little heat flood his face. “If you keep looking at me like that, your parents are going to be awfully disappointed,” he said, grabbing the gift. It was wrapped neatly in gold paper…by the store, of course. Reid had come close to cleaning out the bookstore for Luke when they’d visited in Chicago last month. Luke had wanted to go because it had a huge LGBTQRXYZ or whatever letters of the alphabet they were on now, Reid had long-ago lost track. Unless the “G” stood for “Genius” or the “B” for “Brain,” Reid really didn’t give a fuck about it.
While Luke went to the fitness room at the hotel the next morning, Reid pretended to go for a jog but actually returned to the store to buy a few gifts and gag gifts (it was amazing what craptastic things got published these days). Among them was a signed copy of E.M. Forster’s Maurice, which is what Reid planned to give Luke this evening. Luke would love it, and it was just the sort of thoughtful thing that would score points with Luke’s parents. Reid wasn’t above manipulating the pair of idiots since it seemed to make Luke happy when Reid got along with Lily and Holden.
Luke came up behind Reid and breathed in his ear, “Stop bending over and distracting me.”
Reid shivered and turned to grab Luke by the waist, but the younger man had already shimmied away with laughter trailing behind him.
“Let’s go!” Luke said, throwing Reid his coat. “The sooner we go, the sooner we can come back. Maybe there will be more than one present you can open tonight,” he added with a wink.
Instantly, Reid began imagining unpeeling Luke’s sweater and form-hugging jeans from his lean, muscled body. “I’ll hold you to that,” Reid growled and grabbed Luke’s hand to tug him out the door. “What are you waiting for? Keep up!” he said, just to get Luke laughing some more.
***
Lily’s place. It lacked the homey warmth of Emma’s, and it always smelled liked lemons, Reid’s least favorite fruit. Lemons were tart, and though that word was an apt description of Luke’s mother, he’d never taken a shine to tart foods or smells.
The family greetings were about as awful as Reid anticipated: an awkard handshake from Holden and a stiff hug from Lily. Emma and Lucinda seemed determined to outdo each other. Emma hugged Reid after Lucinda had, and as the seconds ticked by Reid realized that Emma wasn’t going to let go since she was too busy staring down her granny rival for Reid’s affections. Reid had to gently set Emma aside and try to pretend that he hadn’t minded the invasion of his personal space.
Luke, the traitor, had laughed.
As he made his way into the room, Reid valiantly tried not to comment on Holden’s, Lily’s, or Emma’s abysmal Christmas sweaters. He wondered if Luke had one stashed away somewhere. Probably, given Luke’s atrocious taste in clothes.
Ethan and Natalie dragged Faith into the room, which created a welcome diversion as the grannies and parents turned their attention on them. Reid wisely withdrew to the side of the living room. He looked around for a stray plate of cookies or perhaps a bowl of candy, but he didn’t see so much as a crumb. What sort of cut-rate shindig was Lily organizing here? How could he politely decline speaking if he didn’t constantly have food in his mouth?
There was a ten-foot Christmas tree erected by the fireplace that almost looked artificial in its perfection. It could have been on a god-damned Christmas card. The only things that saved it were the numerous homemade ornaments that Lily had collected from her children over the years. Reid’s favorite was a brown clay ornament that was supposed to be a reindeer but looked more like crap with Luke’s name painted on the side.
“It’s a good thing you’re a writer and not an artist,” Reid said to Luke out of the side of his mouth.
Just his luck, Lily heard him disparage her little boy’s artistic promise and grimaced at him. Well, she’d be singing a different tune once she saw her eldest son’s overjoyed reaction to Reid’s gift. He couldn’t wait. He had his “humbly surprised by Luke’s unexpected gratitude over this paltry little gift” face at the ready.
The Snyders would be eating out of his hand by the end of the night, and Reid was going to get so, so laid when he got home. Maybe Luke wouldn’t be able to contain himself and they’d revisit the backseat of Luke’s Audi. It wasn’t the most spacious place, but Reid could sacrifice when duty called.
Reid eyed Luke’s grey sweater and silently said a prayer of thanks that the blond wasn’t wearing an Oxford shirt underneath it-Reid wasn’t in the mood to waste time with buttons. He started trying to calculate the minimum stint they had to spend here before he could get onto more pleasurable things. If all went smoothly, he guessed an hour and a half. But, he probably needed to factor in an extra forty-five minutes for Snyder dysfunction and mania. Christ, he hoped Damian wasn’t planning on making any appearances tonight. Luke would probably have to stay the night to soothe Holden’s feathers.
Best get this show on the road, he surmised, before there were any surprises at the door. “So, are we opening presents or what?” Reid asked loudly while the clan was mingling.
Luke bugged his eyes out into what Reid guessed must have been a glare. Reid didn’t understand the reaction.
Luke wandered over to where the doctor was standing. “You’re being rude,” he whispered but took Reid’s hand so he couldn’t be that mad.
“What? I thought we were here to open presents and eat? I’m just facilitating the process.”
“Leave him alone, Luke,” Lucinda said. “You’re with a man who knows what he wants.”
“See!” Reid said, eagerly taking Evil Grandma’s assistance. “I’m a man who knows what I want.”
Luke leaned over to whisper into Reid’s ear. “And what do you want?” he asked in a low voice. “Do you want to open your…present, Reid?” He angled his head back to make sure Reid could see the smoldering look in in his eyes. “Only good boys get to open their presents,” he said, moistening his lips and dragging a finger slowly up Reid’s bicep.
Luke Snyder fought dirty.
“Fine, I’ll behave,” he said, then grabbed Luke by the elbow and angled his body so that he could brush his lips against the shell of Luke’s ear. “But I expect to open my present early tonight.” He could feel Luke shiver underneath his touch.
Faith coughed, the fog cleared from his head, and Reid realized this may not be the best place to have this discussion with Luke. He doubted Lily would appreciate him taking the wreath off the door to cover an erection. She would probably have similar fits if he started stripping Luke out of his soft sweater in front of everyone.
Forced to make small talk for an interminable ten minutes more, Reid almost punched the air in triumph when Holden announced it was time to open the presents. He sat on the end of the sofa with Luke, Faith and Natalie smashing themselves next to their older brother. Ethan took the floor while the remaining adults each had a chair.
Lily distributed the gifts and Reid rubbed his fingers together, ready to rip. Luke discreetly placed one of his hands on top of Reid’s to prevent him from opening anything. Reid rolled his eyes. Of course, they opened their presents one person at a time. Jesus Christ, this would take forever, Reid thought.
It was worse than that, though. Instead of opening the presents in their laps, Holden whipped out a copy of The Night Before Christmas. Reid could have merrily gone his whole life without having to see Holden grab his stomach and try to shake it like “a bowl full of jelly.”
Luke owed him.
Luke grabbing his hand and holding it during the reading was sort of nice, however. He didn’t have to tell Luke that.
When Reid squeezed his hand, Luke turned toward Reid to smile. The way Luke’s eyes lit up was nice, too.
After the Snyders (but not Lucinda) all cooed over Holden’s performance, Lily fetched everyone a round of eggnog, presumable alcohol-free for the kids but Reid didn’t test it. She gave Reid his cup last and said, “We have this every year. Don’t you remember, Luke, how Noah always said it was his favorite?” Lily smiled and batted her eyelashes like she hadn’t just brought up her son’s ex-boyfriend, a topic she knew could make both Luke and Reid tense. “It’s a family recipe,” she added, “With my own secret ingredient.”
Reid smirked at her as it was as close to a smile as he could muster. As soon as she walked back toward the kitchen to put down her tray, he whispered to Luke, “So what’s her secret ingredient? The bitter taste of broken dreams and pathological adultery?”
“Reid! That’s my mom. I thought you were going to be nice tonight.”
“Did I say it to her?” Reid questioned, his palms opening upwards.
“I guess that’s the real Christmas miracle,” Luke griped, but Reid could see the younger man was biting back a laugh.
Reid took a sip from the glass tumbler. It was good, so he sipped again and shot Lily an exaggerated smile when she returned to the room. The woman was frequently bitter, arrogant, and overly obsessed with her child’s love life, but she could make a mean cup of nog.
Once Lily was seated, Natalie began by unwrapping a package with a pretty necklace from Carly and Jack. The opening of gifts then proceeded clockwise after her, which meant Luke would go last. Perfect, Reid thought.
Slowly, and Reid did mean slowly, the gifts were opened one by one. Holden opened a gift from Luke, some new aftershave. Everyone oohed and ahhed and clasped their hands in delight-over fucking aftershave for christsake-and it took everything Reid had not to groan aloud and make a “move along” gesture with his hands.
It was finally Reid’s turn, and his present was from Lucinda. Upon opening it, he saw it was a membership to the Cheese of the Month Club. Now, usually, Reid would say this was a pretty boring gift. But, fair was fair, and cheese was right up his alley. “Thank you, Lucinda!” he rushed out. He did appreciate it, but he couldn’t wait for Luke to open his present. Luke happy, then dinner, then sex: all great things in Reid’s mind.
Luke picked up the package and said, “Gee, I wonder what it could be.” Yeah, it was obviously a book, and Reid was sure that Luke was probably expecting just a cheap bestseller that Reid picked up in Old Towne. Luke being Luke, however, would no doubt gush over such a gift even if it was totally unwarranted. Luke was good like that.
Reid watched Luke’s face as his boyfriend peeled off the gold paper and looked at the book in his hands. Reid mentally started counting down to the gushing: Three…two…
Natalie ripped the book out of Luke’s hands. “What on earth is this?” she cried. Faith started laughing hysterically next to her.
Lily started asking in confusion, “What? What is it?”
Faith grabbed the novel from Natalie and turned it around so everyone could see the cover. “A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay by H. Fox,” she said, snickering. On the cover was a half-naked man with ripped abs looking down while in the background was a giant T-Rex with its mouth open and its long, outstretched tongue looking like it might be touching the guy’s ass.
It was one of the gag gifts Reid had gotten at the Chicago bookstore. He must have mixed it up with the signed Forster novel. Holy fucking balls of fucking shit, he swore to himself.
“Reid!” Luke cried, horrified.
Holden cleared his throat, then cleared it again. “Is this the sort of thing you read now, Luke?” he asked while pulling awkwardly at the neckline of his red sweater.
“No! It’s just a joke, right?” Luke elbowed Reid in the side. Luke had surprisingly bony elbows for a guy who was six feet tall.
“Well,” Reid said, feeling himself flush. “Yeah. But it’s not the present I meant to bring.”
“You meant to give this to my baby on Christmas?” Lily said, aghast. Reid rolled his eyes at her everlasting belief in Luke’s naivety. The guy blackmailed-blackmailed!-Reid into coming to Oakdale; Reid would think she’d have clued in that her baby wasn’t an innocent, fluffy bunny. “Christmas!” she said again, shrill, as if Reid were somehow bastardizing the whole birth of baby Jesus with his book purchase.
Holden was looking at him as if Reid had just pissed on Lily’s perfect Christmas tree in front of everyone.
After letting out a loud breath, Reid said, “Merry Christmas, boys and girls.”
Luke started laughing so hard that Reid could feel the sofa shake.
“Glad you find this so amusing,” Reid gritted out.
“Come on, the book is hilarious, and you brought it here to Mom’s house. I’m not sure what’s funnier,” Luke said. Then he started chortling so hard that Reid knew the blond would be no help for the next few minutes. It was not the least bit endearing, not at all. Reid did not have the urge to take Luke in his arms and kiss his the tops of his cheekbones. He certainly wasn’t interested in kissing Luke’s dimple.
Natalie and Faith, meanwhile, were flipping through the book and giggling every ten seconds or so.
“It was a joke,” Reid tried to explain.
“How does a dinosaur make you gay?” Ethan asked from the floor.
“Oh my god,” Luke moaned, then kept laughing.
“Luke, this isn’t funny,” Lily chastised, crossing her arms against her chest. Reid was grateful for the Christmas sweater-he was prevented from having an unwanted “Lily’s boobs sighting.”
“Well,” Faith began, rubbing her hands together and grinning down at Ethan. “According to this…”
“Faith!” Holden snapped. “This is not an appropriate topic for an eight year old.” He turned to Ethan and said, “Why don’t you go take your new tablet and play with it upstairs until dinner.” It wasn’t really a question.
“Dad!” Ethan objected.
“Upstairs, now!” Holden said. “Natalie, you, too!”
The expression on Holden’s face must have stopped her argument before it began, and she flounced up the stairs with a dirty look at her father.
“Reid, I don’t appreciate you bringing this garbage into this house,” Holden said. Holden always managed to look like he smelled something bad when he was angry. Right now, he looked like the house smelled of about fifty dead fish.
“Dad, it was a mistake,” Luke said, the laughter ceasing.
Emma, who had been observing with a concerned look on her face, said, “Besides, I’m sure it’s not that bad. Faith, hand over that book.” She motioned to it with her hand.
Faith snorted and handed over the novel. “If you say so, Grandma.”
Emma sat primly in her chair and opened the book. “Why, it doesn’t look so different from some of the romance novels you see at the grocery store. Look, it even has a dedication: ‘To Noah Mayer, Thanks for All Your Help.’”
Reid perked up over the idea of Noah having a dinosaur porn book dedicated to him.
“That’s…odd,” Luke said with furrowed brows. “Does it say anything about the author?
Emma flipped to the back cover. “Oh, it looks like he’s a film student at UCLA.”
“I don’t think Noah would spend time with a person who’d write this kind of thing. It must be another Noah Mayer. Our Noah is way too good for any involvement in this kind of thing,” Lily said, looking at Reid as if she could wish Noah here in the doctor’s place. Luke and Reid had been together six months, and Lily still hadn’t given up on the idea of her son and Mr. Mayer being “soul mates.” She certainly had never referred to Reid as “ours” or “my.”
Reid snorted. “Noah is at UCLA, too. I doubt it’s just coincidence.”
Narrowing her eyes and crossing her legs, Lily said, “Well, we don’t even know what kind of help this…this…Mr. Fox was talking about. Noah could have helped him fix a pipe in his bathroom.”
“I’m sure Noah was more than willing to help with this guy’s ‘plumbing,’” Reid retorted and then winced. It was probably a mistake to make a dirty joke about Noah to Luke’s mom, particularly when she was in the midst of defending the virtuous ex.
“Not that Noah was much interested in touching Luke’s plumbing,” Faith commented, causing Reid to stifle another snort.
“Faith!” Holden exclaimed.
Luke slumped back into his seat and let out another moan.
It was not the sort of moaning that Reid had been hoping for this evening.
“I’ll just text Noah and get this all cleared up,” Lily said sweetly, pulling out her phone.
They all watched her compose the text and send it with a ridiculous amount of interest. Meanwhile, Emma kept flipping through the book and letting out little gasps and giggles.
“So, what’s the verdict?” Reid asked Luke’s paternal grandmother.
Emma straightened her shoulders, put the book down on her lap and said, “It’s about a dinosaur billionaire.”
Lucinda huffed out a breath and said irritably, “We already know that, Emma.”
Emma shot her a nasty glare and said, “Well, dinosaurs pretty much run the world. The dinosaur in question is named Oliver Anderson, and he wears a shirt but no pants, hires this nice young man as his assistant, takes him to his beach house, and then forcibly sodomizes him with his giant reptile penis. Then Oliver fires the guy, and the story ends. It’s not exactly the plot of The Land Before Time.”
Holden’s face had turned red at his mother’s mention of the word, “sodomizes,” and then looked like he wanted to sink into the ground when she said, “penis.” Reid supposed that no one, no matter their age, ever wanted to hear their mother talking about sodomy and penises.
God, Reid was probably going to take the blame for that, too. “Well,” he said, trying for humor, “someone alert the right-wing Bible-thumpers. Being gay isn’t a choice: You can be forced by giant dino-penises.”
Lily, unexpectedly, let out a small laugh. Lucinda and Faith openly guffawed, and Reid relaxed a little bit.
Lily’s phone then rang, and she answered.
“Merry Christmas, Noah! Yes, yes, we miss you, too. You know you always have a room here. Oh, you’re so sweet,” she said.
Reid would swear she was looking straight at him as she said all this.
Lily continued her conversation. “Oh, you know him,” she was saying with a frown. A few seconds passed, and she said, “Yeah, we have one of his books here. You helped with the technical aspects? Um, what technical aspects if you don’t mind me asking?” Her eyes widened and she gasped, “The sex?” She looked at the phone as if it were at fault. “You’ve got to go. Okay, well, bye!”
Reid grinned evilly at Lily. “So the sainted Mr. Mayer told the dinosaur porn writer how to write gay sex. Does that about sum it up?”
“Yes,” Lily said, surprising Reid with her easy agreement. “I can’t believe he’d do that.”
“Oh my god,” Faith exclaimed. “This book is about Luke!” Then she started cackling.
“Faith!” Holden said, slapping his hand against his knee.
“What? No!” Luke yelled. “It’s not about me!” Luke was sitting ramrod stiff next to Reid.
“Well, if you’re the sum total of Noah’s sexual awakening, then any expertise he shared was from what he learned from you,” Faith replied.
“Faith!” Holden yelled.
“Is that the only word you know?” Reid asked and was shot a glare by Luke’s father.
Luke ran both his hands through his hair and pulled on the ends. “I never thought I’d be saying this, but I really hope Noah went to UCLA and slept with every man he met.”
Lucinda’s lip curled dismissively. “Unlikely, my darling.” Reid agreed privately.
Lily shot up from her chair and started pacing around. “I can’t believe Noah would do this to you, Luke! The nerve!”
Leaning back in his seat, Reid watched the drama unfold-here was the extra forty-five minutes of Snyder mania he’d been expecting. They’d probably curse the heavens and beat their chests for the next half hour at least, he figured as he looked at his
watch.
He could smell the scent of turkey coming from the kitchen and wondered if he could snag a drumstick while he waited for the inevitable tears to subside.
“I think you should consider a lawsuit,” Holden said to Luke.
Lily kneeled down beside Luke and said tearfully, “Honey, when I think of all the times I pushed you two together…I’m so sorry. You were right; I obviously did not know Noah as well as I thought.”
This evening was going better than he’d expected, Reid thought. He could watch Lily disparage Noah all night…particularly if he had a turkey drumstick to munch.
Faith had taken back the book and was thumbing through it, probably reading all the salacious parts. Somehow, neither of her parents had noticed this, and Reid wasn’t going to rat her out. “I wonder if Luke is the man or the billionaire dinosaur,” she commented, seemingly unconcerned by all the emotional turmoil around her.
Reid couldn’t resist. “Richie Rich? Obviously, the dinosaur.” He saw Lucinda nodding from across the room. Then he exclaimed after clapping his hands together, “I can’t believe my boyfriend is a dinosaur porn star!” He tried not to laugh; he really did.
“Can we stop talking about how I inspired dinosaur porn?” Luke asked. He sounded upset, and Reid turned to look at him. Sure enough, Luke’s face was strained and his jaw was thrust forward. Reid reached over to stroke Luke’s hand.
“I’m going to give that boy a piece of my mind!” Lily said.
Unbelievably-and he would forever deny it afterwards-Reid turned out to be the voice of reason. “As much as I usually enjoy the idea of burning Noah in effigy and whatever else you’re planning, I think you’re missing something. Noah would never reveal anything personal about Luke.”
“You are defending him?” Faith asked. She seemed much more interested in what Reid was doing than in Noah’s possible innocence.
“Look, the guy is barely out of the closet; I don’t think he’s going to publicize his or Luke’s preferences in bed. He’s only so much of an asshat.” Reid could feel Luke start to relax next to him, which is really all Reid cared about. The rest of them could tear out their hair and scream all night for all he cared, and he certainly didn’t care about Noah being maligned, but Luke didn’t need to be upset.
Luke didn’t need to feel like one more person in his life had betrayed him again. Not if Reid could help it.
“Oh, thank god,” Luke muttered and leaned into Reid’s side.
Lily stood up from where she was still kneeling by Luke and went back to her chair after giving Reid a small smile. She snatched the book away from Faith on her way.
Some of Luke’s tension eased after Reid grabbed one of Luke’s hands and started tracing patterns into the younger man’s palm with his thumb.
“Reid’s right,” Luke said to the group. “Noah wouldn’t do that to me. I’m sure everything in that book is impersonal. Noah probably only explained the mechanics in the barest terms.”
Reid guessed that Luke wouldn’t appreciate a joke about how Noah only knew the mechanics in the barest terms.
Emma smiled. “Of course, dear. We all just got carried away, didn’t we?” Reid thought that should be the Snyder family motto. Luke was normally sane, but even he wasn’t immune to theatrics every now and then. The rest of the Snyders were a bad combination of insane and melodramatic from sunup to sundown.
Holden stood up. “Why don’t we put that book away and let the kids come back down so we can have some dinner. I don’t know about you, Reid, but I feel like I could eat the entire turkey.”
Apparently, Holden and he were on good terms again. Reid must have missed when it happened. “Yeah,” Reid said, feeling uneasy. “A whole turkey.” He half-heartedly punched the air, which in retrospect was an awkward choice.
The Snyders and Lucinda started filing past Luke and Reid to get to the dining room. Luke stopped Reid with a touch of his fingers before the doctor could follow.
“Thanks for my book,” Luke said. “I forgot to tell you that in all the excitement.”
“Really? You’re thanking me for it?”
“Well, it was really funny up until I thought I might have somehow starred in it. And, thanks for calming me down, too.”
Reid shifted his weight between his feet. “It was nothing.”
“It wasn’t nothing. You defended Noah to make me feel better.”
“Well, I,” Reid began, his voice a little high. “You know,” he added in a lower tone.
Luke’s face split into a grin, his eyes crinkling. “What do I know?”
“Sentiment. You. Me… I.” He shrugged and looked at the ceiling. Reid hated expressing emotions.
“If you’re muttering gibberish, you must be trying to say, ‘I love you.’” Luke lifted his hand and ran it through Reid’s hair causing the doctor to shiver.
“Yes. That,” Reid said, pointing his finger at Luke and nodding his head.
“’Yes. That,’ too,” Luke whispered, stepping forward to close the space between their bodies. His lips were gentle against Reid’s and soft, very soft.
Reid let out a small moan when Luke pulled away after a few moments. He grabbed onto Luke’s biceps and yanked him in for a more heated kiss. When Reid pulled away, Luke fell a little towards him. Luke then righted himself and let out a small sigh. He fingered Reid’s burgundy collar and looked into Reid’s eyes with a slightly dazed expression.
Reid felt strongly that sex might be on the table again tonight.
Clapping Luke on the back and startling him, Reid said, “Come on, T-Rex, let’s go eat! I’m sure Lily’s got some raw meat on the menu for her precious dino-baby.”
A/N This was inspired by the most hilarious review of a real book, unfortunately only published online and not in paperback.
Reid didn’t understand why Luke refused to unpack those last three boxes. Just because they were Reid’s was no excuse. Reid had unpacked that one box of Luke’s.
According to Luke, it didn’t count because it was a condom box. Reid thought it should count more because it was the most important box, but he hadn’t swayed Luke on the issue. Though, if Reid had to choose, he’d take the look on Luke’s face when Reid had said it was the most important box--and the resulting sex-any day of the week.
“Reid!” Luke appeared from the doorway, rubbing his knee.
“Don’t hurt yourself. They won’t start the festivities without their prince.” Reid wiggled back farther into the leather couch. He had no interest in getting to Lily’s on time.
Luke came around the sofa and looked at him uncertainly. “Please…just…try, okay? I know family celebrations aren’t your thing, but just be glad I got us out of tomorrow. Remember the party line: We are desperately looking forward to our first Christmas together and want to spend it alone.”
“That’s easy because I do want to spend it with you alone,” Reid said as he stood up and then swooped in for a kiss. He hated seeing that pleading look on Luke’s face. Not that he would ever admit as much-Luke would probably use it all the time if he knew. It would be a huge mistake to underestimate Luke’s ruthless Grimaldi streak.
Luke smiled, leaned in for another kiss (that was too brief) and said, “Good. So do I. But please don’t waggle your eyebrows when you say ‘alone’ to my mother.”
Reid shrugged. “She has four kids that we know of. I’m pretty sure she knows what we get up to when we’re by ourselves.” Reid had developed a habit of qualifying the amount of children anyone had in Oakdale. New siblings seemed to spring up each month he’d been there, and he wasn’t going to be bitten in the ass again by that. And, although he wouldn’t tell Luke this, Lily seemed exactly the type with a child hidden in some hole somewhere. The Baby Daddy was probably straight mafia this time just for kicks.
Luke rolled his eyes and picked up his keys off the table. “Do you have what gift you want me to open?”
Reid eyed Luke’s ass while his back was turned (not that he wouldn’t do it with Luke looking, but that was physically improbable). Instead of answering him, Reid asked, “Tell me again why we have to open one present the night before Christmas again? They know about Santa, right?”
Luke turned and started counting off on his fingers: “Because it’s a family tradition, and we like to see everyone’s face light up when they open their gift. The kids are so excited for Christmas that it’s hard for them to wait. And agreeing to this was the only way you and I were going to spend tomorrow alone. Otherwise, we’d be spending our night at the farm, which you insisted would kill you if you ever had to sleep on one of Emma’s thin mattresses again.”
“It’s not my fault that I can’t sleep on those beds given the amount of spawning that’s been done of them over the years. And don’t give me that crap about how Emma doesn’t allow unmarried people to have sex on their beds. We’re talking about Carly, Luke! And your parents-don’t-give-me-that-face-you-know-it’s-true-and Katie. Katie has stayed there, and you know how she is.”
“My grandma’s beds are clean,” Luke said.
“Wanna put it to the blacklight test?”
Luke frowned and shivered. “No.”
“Ha! So you know it’s a den of ejaculation and sex sweat.”
“I’m going to tell Grandma that you called her house a den of sex sweat.”
“No! You can’t. She might cut off the pie or the cold cuts. Do you remember the Thanksgiving turkey? You can’t do that to me.”
The younger man smirked. “Then grab your gift, doctor, stop stalling, and let’s go.”
“Fine! But you owe me, Snyder.” Reid marched over to the small Christmas tree that Luke had insisted upon having in the apartment. He’d dragged Reid out at the crack of dawn one morning to cut the thing down at the farm. (Luke’s insistence on doing things at the farm before the sun came up was something Reid would never understand. It was probably some form of madness that wouldn’t show up on an MRI.) The next thing Reid knew, they were waist-deep in tinsel and tangled lights and trying to decorate a tree that they could never get perfectly vertical. Luke had started cursing vociferously when the tree tipped to the side for the umpteenth time, and Reid had laughed and laughed.
Come to think of it, Reid sort of loved that tree.
The auburn-haired man swept over and bent slowly to pick up the present he’d carefully selected for just this occasion. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Luke looking rather interestedly at his posterior, and Reid felt a little heat flood his face. “If you keep looking at me like that, your parents are going to be awfully disappointed,” he said, grabbing the gift. It was wrapped neatly in gold paper…by the store, of course. Reid had come close to cleaning out the bookstore for Luke when they’d visited in Chicago last month. Luke had wanted to go because it had a huge LGBTQRXYZ or whatever letters of the alphabet they were on now, Reid had long-ago lost track. Unless the “G” stood for “Genius” or the “B” for “Brain,” Reid really didn’t give a fuck about it.
While Luke went to the fitness room at the hotel the next morning, Reid pretended to go for a jog but actually returned to the store to buy a few gifts and gag gifts (it was amazing what craptastic things got published these days). Among them was a signed copy of E.M. Forster’s Maurice, which is what Reid planned to give Luke this evening. Luke would love it, and it was just the sort of thoughtful thing that would score points with Luke’s parents. Reid wasn’t above manipulating the pair of idiots since it seemed to make Luke happy when Reid got along with Lily and Holden.
Luke came up behind Reid and breathed in his ear, “Stop bending over and distracting me.”
Reid shivered and turned to grab Luke by the waist, but the younger man had already shimmied away with laughter trailing behind him.
“Let’s go!” Luke said, throwing Reid his coat. “The sooner we go, the sooner we can come back. Maybe there will be more than one present you can open tonight,” he added with a wink.
Instantly, Reid began imagining unpeeling Luke’s sweater and form-hugging jeans from his lean, muscled body. “I’ll hold you to that,” Reid growled and grabbed Luke’s hand to tug him out the door. “What are you waiting for? Keep up!” he said, just to get Luke laughing some more.
***
Lily’s place. It lacked the homey warmth of Emma’s, and it always smelled liked lemons, Reid’s least favorite fruit. Lemons were tart, and though that word was an apt description of Luke’s mother, he’d never taken a shine to tart foods or smells.
The family greetings were about as awful as Reid anticipated: an awkard handshake from Holden and a stiff hug from Lily. Emma and Lucinda seemed determined to outdo each other. Emma hugged Reid after Lucinda had, and as the seconds ticked by Reid realized that Emma wasn’t going to let go since she was too busy staring down her granny rival for Reid’s affections. Reid had to gently set Emma aside and try to pretend that he hadn’t minded the invasion of his personal space.
Luke, the traitor, had laughed.
As he made his way into the room, Reid valiantly tried not to comment on Holden’s, Lily’s, or Emma’s abysmal Christmas sweaters. He wondered if Luke had one stashed away somewhere. Probably, given Luke’s atrocious taste in clothes.
Ethan and Natalie dragged Faith into the room, which created a welcome diversion as the grannies and parents turned their attention on them. Reid wisely withdrew to the side of the living room. He looked around for a stray plate of cookies or perhaps a bowl of candy, but he didn’t see so much as a crumb. What sort of cut-rate shindig was Lily organizing here? How could he politely decline speaking if he didn’t constantly have food in his mouth?
There was a ten-foot Christmas tree erected by the fireplace that almost looked artificial in its perfection. It could have been on a god-damned Christmas card. The only things that saved it were the numerous homemade ornaments that Lily had collected from her children over the years. Reid’s favorite was a brown clay ornament that was supposed to be a reindeer but looked more like crap with Luke’s name painted on the side.
“It’s a good thing you’re a writer and not an artist,” Reid said to Luke out of the side of his mouth.
Just his luck, Lily heard him disparage her little boy’s artistic promise and grimaced at him. Well, she’d be singing a different tune once she saw her eldest son’s overjoyed reaction to Reid’s gift. He couldn’t wait. He had his “humbly surprised by Luke’s unexpected gratitude over this paltry little gift” face at the ready.
The Snyders would be eating out of his hand by the end of the night, and Reid was going to get so, so laid when he got home. Maybe Luke wouldn’t be able to contain himself and they’d revisit the backseat of Luke’s Audi. It wasn’t the most spacious place, but Reid could sacrifice when duty called.
Reid eyed Luke’s grey sweater and silently said a prayer of thanks that the blond wasn’t wearing an Oxford shirt underneath it-Reid wasn’t in the mood to waste time with buttons. He started trying to calculate the minimum stint they had to spend here before he could get onto more pleasurable things. If all went smoothly, he guessed an hour and a half. But, he probably needed to factor in an extra forty-five minutes for Snyder dysfunction and mania. Christ, he hoped Damian wasn’t planning on making any appearances tonight. Luke would probably have to stay the night to soothe Holden’s feathers.
Best get this show on the road, he surmised, before there were any surprises at the door. “So, are we opening presents or what?” Reid asked loudly while the clan was mingling.
Luke bugged his eyes out into what Reid guessed must have been a glare. Reid didn’t understand the reaction.
Luke wandered over to where the doctor was standing. “You’re being rude,” he whispered but took Reid’s hand so he couldn’t be that mad.
“What? I thought we were here to open presents and eat? I’m just facilitating the process.”
“Leave him alone, Luke,” Lucinda said. “You’re with a man who knows what he wants.”
“See!” Reid said, eagerly taking Evil Grandma’s assistance. “I’m a man who knows what I want.”
Luke leaned over to whisper into Reid’s ear. “And what do you want?” he asked in a low voice. “Do you want to open your…present, Reid?” He angled his head back to make sure Reid could see the smoldering look in in his eyes. “Only good boys get to open their presents,” he said, moistening his lips and dragging a finger slowly up Reid’s bicep.
Luke Snyder fought dirty.
“Fine, I’ll behave,” he said, then grabbed Luke by the elbow and angled his body so that he could brush his lips against the shell of Luke’s ear. “But I expect to open my present early tonight.” He could feel Luke shiver underneath his touch.
Faith coughed, the fog cleared from his head, and Reid realized this may not be the best place to have this discussion with Luke. He doubted Lily would appreciate him taking the wreath off the door to cover an erection. She would probably have similar fits if he started stripping Luke out of his soft sweater in front of everyone.
Forced to make small talk for an interminable ten minutes more, Reid almost punched the air in triumph when Holden announced it was time to open the presents. He sat on the end of the sofa with Luke, Faith and Natalie smashing themselves next to their older brother. Ethan took the floor while the remaining adults each had a chair.
Lily distributed the gifts and Reid rubbed his fingers together, ready to rip. Luke discreetly placed one of his hands on top of Reid’s to prevent him from opening anything. Reid rolled his eyes. Of course, they opened their presents one person at a time. Jesus Christ, this would take forever, Reid thought.
It was worse than that, though. Instead of opening the presents in their laps, Holden whipped out a copy of The Night Before Christmas. Reid could have merrily gone his whole life without having to see Holden grab his stomach and try to shake it like “a bowl full of jelly.”
Luke owed him.
Luke grabbing his hand and holding it during the reading was sort of nice, however. He didn’t have to tell Luke that.
When Reid squeezed his hand, Luke turned toward Reid to smile. The way Luke’s eyes lit up was nice, too.
After the Snyders (but not Lucinda) all cooed over Holden’s performance, Lily fetched everyone a round of eggnog, presumable alcohol-free for the kids but Reid didn’t test it. She gave Reid his cup last and said, “We have this every year. Don’t you remember, Luke, how Noah always said it was his favorite?” Lily smiled and batted her eyelashes like she hadn’t just brought up her son’s ex-boyfriend, a topic she knew could make both Luke and Reid tense. “It’s a family recipe,” she added, “With my own secret ingredient.”
Reid smirked at her as it was as close to a smile as he could muster. As soon as she walked back toward the kitchen to put down her tray, he whispered to Luke, “So what’s her secret ingredient? The bitter taste of broken dreams and pathological adultery?”
“Reid! That’s my mom. I thought you were going to be nice tonight.”
“Did I say it to her?” Reid questioned, his palms opening upwards.
“I guess that’s the real Christmas miracle,” Luke griped, but Reid could see the younger man was biting back a laugh.
Reid took a sip from the glass tumbler. It was good, so he sipped again and shot Lily an exaggerated smile when she returned to the room. The woman was frequently bitter, arrogant, and overly obsessed with her child’s love life, but she could make a mean cup of nog.
Once Lily was seated, Natalie began by unwrapping a package with a pretty necklace from Carly and Jack. The opening of gifts then proceeded clockwise after her, which meant Luke would go last. Perfect, Reid thought.
Slowly, and Reid did mean slowly, the gifts were opened one by one. Holden opened a gift from Luke, some new aftershave. Everyone oohed and ahhed and clasped their hands in delight-over fucking aftershave for christsake-and it took everything Reid had not to groan aloud and make a “move along” gesture with his hands.
It was finally Reid’s turn, and his present was from Lucinda. Upon opening it, he saw it was a membership to the Cheese of the Month Club. Now, usually, Reid would say this was a pretty boring gift. But, fair was fair, and cheese was right up his alley. “Thank you, Lucinda!” he rushed out. He did appreciate it, but he couldn’t wait for Luke to open his present. Luke happy, then dinner, then sex: all great things in Reid’s mind.
Luke picked up the package and said, “Gee, I wonder what it could be.” Yeah, it was obviously a book, and Reid was sure that Luke was probably expecting just a cheap bestseller that Reid picked up in Old Towne. Luke being Luke, however, would no doubt gush over such a gift even if it was totally unwarranted. Luke was good like that.
Reid watched Luke’s face as his boyfriend peeled off the gold paper and looked at the book in his hands. Reid mentally started counting down to the gushing: Three…two…
Natalie ripped the book out of Luke’s hands. “What on earth is this?” she cried. Faith started laughing hysterically next to her.
Lily started asking in confusion, “What? What is it?”
Faith grabbed the novel from Natalie and turned it around so everyone could see the cover. “A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay by H. Fox,” she said, snickering. On the cover was a half-naked man with ripped abs looking down while in the background was a giant T-Rex with its mouth open and its long, outstretched tongue looking like it might be touching the guy’s ass.
It was one of the gag gifts Reid had gotten at the Chicago bookstore. He must have mixed it up with the signed Forster novel. Holy fucking balls of fucking shit, he swore to himself.
“Reid!” Luke cried, horrified.
Holden cleared his throat, then cleared it again. “Is this the sort of thing you read now, Luke?” he asked while pulling awkwardly at the neckline of his red sweater.
“No! It’s just a joke, right?” Luke elbowed Reid in the side. Luke had surprisingly bony elbows for a guy who was six feet tall.
“Well,” Reid said, feeling himself flush. “Yeah. But it’s not the present I meant to bring.”
“You meant to give this to my baby on Christmas?” Lily said, aghast. Reid rolled his eyes at her everlasting belief in Luke’s naivety. The guy blackmailed-blackmailed!-Reid into coming to Oakdale; Reid would think she’d have clued in that her baby wasn’t an innocent, fluffy bunny. “Christmas!” she said again, shrill, as if Reid were somehow bastardizing the whole birth of baby Jesus with his book purchase.
Holden was looking at him as if Reid had just pissed on Lily’s perfect Christmas tree in front of everyone.
After letting out a loud breath, Reid said, “Merry Christmas, boys and girls.”
Luke started laughing so hard that Reid could feel the sofa shake.
“Glad you find this so amusing,” Reid gritted out.
“Come on, the book is hilarious, and you brought it here to Mom’s house. I’m not sure what’s funnier,” Luke said. Then he started chortling so hard that Reid knew the blond would be no help for the next few minutes. It was not the least bit endearing, not at all. Reid did not have the urge to take Luke in his arms and kiss his the tops of his cheekbones. He certainly wasn’t interested in kissing Luke’s dimple.
Natalie and Faith, meanwhile, were flipping through the book and giggling every ten seconds or so.
“It was a joke,” Reid tried to explain.
“How does a dinosaur make you gay?” Ethan asked from the floor.
“Oh my god,” Luke moaned, then kept laughing.
“Luke, this isn’t funny,” Lily chastised, crossing her arms against her chest. Reid was grateful for the Christmas sweater-he was prevented from having an unwanted “Lily’s boobs sighting.”
“Well,” Faith began, rubbing her hands together and grinning down at Ethan. “According to this…”
“Faith!” Holden snapped. “This is not an appropriate topic for an eight year old.” He turned to Ethan and said, “Why don’t you go take your new tablet and play with it upstairs until dinner.” It wasn’t really a question.
“Dad!” Ethan objected.
“Upstairs, now!” Holden said. “Natalie, you, too!”
The expression on Holden’s face must have stopped her argument before it began, and she flounced up the stairs with a dirty look at her father.
“Reid, I don’t appreciate you bringing this garbage into this house,” Holden said. Holden always managed to look like he smelled something bad when he was angry. Right now, he looked like the house smelled of about fifty dead fish.
“Dad, it was a mistake,” Luke said, the laughter ceasing.
Emma, who had been observing with a concerned look on her face, said, “Besides, I’m sure it’s not that bad. Faith, hand over that book.” She motioned to it with her hand.
Faith snorted and handed over the novel. “If you say so, Grandma.”
Emma sat primly in her chair and opened the book. “Why, it doesn’t look so different from some of the romance novels you see at the grocery store. Look, it even has a dedication: ‘To Noah Mayer, Thanks for All Your Help.’”
Reid perked up over the idea of Noah having a dinosaur porn book dedicated to him.
“That’s…odd,” Luke said with furrowed brows. “Does it say anything about the author?
Emma flipped to the back cover. “Oh, it looks like he’s a film student at UCLA.”
“I don’t think Noah would spend time with a person who’d write this kind of thing. It must be another Noah Mayer. Our Noah is way too good for any involvement in this kind of thing,” Lily said, looking at Reid as if she could wish Noah here in the doctor’s place. Luke and Reid had been together six months, and Lily still hadn’t given up on the idea of her son and Mr. Mayer being “soul mates.” She certainly had never referred to Reid as “ours” or “my.”
Reid snorted. “Noah is at UCLA, too. I doubt it’s just coincidence.”
Narrowing her eyes and crossing her legs, Lily said, “Well, we don’t even know what kind of help this…this…Mr. Fox was talking about. Noah could have helped him fix a pipe in his bathroom.”
“I’m sure Noah was more than willing to help with this guy’s ‘plumbing,’” Reid retorted and then winced. It was probably a mistake to make a dirty joke about Noah to Luke’s mom, particularly when she was in the midst of defending the virtuous ex.
“Not that Noah was much interested in touching Luke’s plumbing,” Faith commented, causing Reid to stifle another snort.
“Faith!” Holden exclaimed.
Luke slumped back into his seat and let out another moan.
It was not the sort of moaning that Reid had been hoping for this evening.
“I’ll just text Noah and get this all cleared up,” Lily said sweetly, pulling out her phone.
They all watched her compose the text and send it with a ridiculous amount of interest. Meanwhile, Emma kept flipping through the book and letting out little gasps and giggles.
“So, what’s the verdict?” Reid asked Luke’s paternal grandmother.
Emma straightened her shoulders, put the book down on her lap and said, “It’s about a dinosaur billionaire.”
Lucinda huffed out a breath and said irritably, “We already know that, Emma.”
Emma shot her a nasty glare and said, “Well, dinosaurs pretty much run the world. The dinosaur in question is named Oliver Anderson, and he wears a shirt but no pants, hires this nice young man as his assistant, takes him to his beach house, and then forcibly sodomizes him with his giant reptile penis. Then Oliver fires the guy, and the story ends. It’s not exactly the plot of The Land Before Time.”
Holden’s face had turned red at his mother’s mention of the word, “sodomizes,” and then looked like he wanted to sink into the ground when she said, “penis.” Reid supposed that no one, no matter their age, ever wanted to hear their mother talking about sodomy and penises.
God, Reid was probably going to take the blame for that, too. “Well,” he said, trying for humor, “someone alert the right-wing Bible-thumpers. Being gay isn’t a choice: You can be forced by giant dino-penises.”
Lily, unexpectedly, let out a small laugh. Lucinda and Faith openly guffawed, and Reid relaxed a little bit.
Lily’s phone then rang, and she answered.
“Merry Christmas, Noah! Yes, yes, we miss you, too. You know you always have a room here. Oh, you’re so sweet,” she said.
Reid would swear she was looking straight at him as she said all this.
Lily continued her conversation. “Oh, you know him,” she was saying with a frown. A few seconds passed, and she said, “Yeah, we have one of his books here. You helped with the technical aspects? Um, what technical aspects if you don’t mind me asking?” Her eyes widened and she gasped, “The sex?” She looked at the phone as if it were at fault. “You’ve got to go. Okay, well, bye!”
Reid grinned evilly at Lily. “So the sainted Mr. Mayer told the dinosaur porn writer how to write gay sex. Does that about sum it up?”
“Yes,” Lily said, surprising Reid with her easy agreement. “I can’t believe he’d do that.”
“Oh my god,” Faith exclaimed. “This book is about Luke!” Then she started cackling.
“Faith!” Holden said, slapping his hand against his knee.
“What? No!” Luke yelled. “It’s not about me!” Luke was sitting ramrod stiff next to Reid.
“Well, if you’re the sum total of Noah’s sexual awakening, then any expertise he shared was from what he learned from you,” Faith replied.
“Faith!” Holden yelled.
“Is that the only word you know?” Reid asked and was shot a glare by Luke’s father.
Luke ran both his hands through his hair and pulled on the ends. “I never thought I’d be saying this, but I really hope Noah went to UCLA and slept with every man he met.”
Lucinda’s lip curled dismissively. “Unlikely, my darling.” Reid agreed privately.
Lily shot up from her chair and started pacing around. “I can’t believe Noah would do this to you, Luke! The nerve!”
Leaning back in his seat, Reid watched the drama unfold-here was the extra forty-five minutes of Snyder mania he’d been expecting. They’d probably curse the heavens and beat their chests for the next half hour at least, he figured as he looked at his
watch.
He could smell the scent of turkey coming from the kitchen and wondered if he could snag a drumstick while he waited for the inevitable tears to subside.
“I think you should consider a lawsuit,” Holden said to Luke.
Lily kneeled down beside Luke and said tearfully, “Honey, when I think of all the times I pushed you two together…I’m so sorry. You were right; I obviously did not know Noah as well as I thought.”
This evening was going better than he’d expected, Reid thought. He could watch Lily disparage Noah all night…particularly if he had a turkey drumstick to munch.
Faith had taken back the book and was thumbing through it, probably reading all the salacious parts. Somehow, neither of her parents had noticed this, and Reid wasn’t going to rat her out. “I wonder if Luke is the man or the billionaire dinosaur,” she commented, seemingly unconcerned by all the emotional turmoil around her.
Reid couldn’t resist. “Richie Rich? Obviously, the dinosaur.” He saw Lucinda nodding from across the room. Then he exclaimed after clapping his hands together, “I can’t believe my boyfriend is a dinosaur porn star!” He tried not to laugh; he really did.
“Can we stop talking about how I inspired dinosaur porn?” Luke asked. He sounded upset, and Reid turned to look at him. Sure enough, Luke’s face was strained and his jaw was thrust forward. Reid reached over to stroke Luke’s hand.
“I’m going to give that boy a piece of my mind!” Lily said.
Unbelievably-and he would forever deny it afterwards-Reid turned out to be the voice of reason. “As much as I usually enjoy the idea of burning Noah in effigy and whatever else you’re planning, I think you’re missing something. Noah would never reveal anything personal about Luke.”
“You are defending him?” Faith asked. She seemed much more interested in what Reid was doing than in Noah’s possible innocence.
“Look, the guy is barely out of the closet; I don’t think he’s going to publicize his or Luke’s preferences in bed. He’s only so much of an asshat.” Reid could feel Luke start to relax next to him, which is really all Reid cared about. The rest of them could tear out their hair and scream all night for all he cared, and he certainly didn’t care about Noah being maligned, but Luke didn’t need to be upset.
Luke didn’t need to feel like one more person in his life had betrayed him again. Not if Reid could help it.
“Oh, thank god,” Luke muttered and leaned into Reid’s side.
Lily stood up from where she was still kneeling by Luke and went back to her chair after giving Reid a small smile. She snatched the book away from Faith on her way.
Some of Luke’s tension eased after Reid grabbed one of Luke’s hands and started tracing patterns into the younger man’s palm with his thumb.
“Reid’s right,” Luke said to the group. “Noah wouldn’t do that to me. I’m sure everything in that book is impersonal. Noah probably only explained the mechanics in the barest terms.”
Reid guessed that Luke wouldn’t appreciate a joke about how Noah only knew the mechanics in the barest terms.
Emma smiled. “Of course, dear. We all just got carried away, didn’t we?” Reid thought that should be the Snyder family motto. Luke was normally sane, but even he wasn’t immune to theatrics every now and then. The rest of the Snyders were a bad combination of insane and melodramatic from sunup to sundown.
Holden stood up. “Why don’t we put that book away and let the kids come back down so we can have some dinner. I don’t know about you, Reid, but I feel like I could eat the entire turkey.”
Apparently, Holden and he were on good terms again. Reid must have missed when it happened. “Yeah,” Reid said, feeling uneasy. “A whole turkey.” He half-heartedly punched the air, which in retrospect was an awkward choice.
The Snyders and Lucinda started filing past Luke and Reid to get to the dining room. Luke stopped Reid with a touch of his fingers before the doctor could follow.
“Thanks for my book,” Luke said. “I forgot to tell you that in all the excitement.”
“Really? You’re thanking me for it?”
“Well, it was really funny up until I thought I might have somehow starred in it. And, thanks for calming me down, too.”
Reid shifted his weight between his feet. “It was nothing.”
“It wasn’t nothing. You defended Noah to make me feel better.”
“Well, I,” Reid began, his voice a little high. “You know,” he added in a lower tone.
Luke’s face split into a grin, his eyes crinkling. “What do I know?”
“Sentiment. You. Me… I.” He shrugged and looked at the ceiling. Reid hated expressing emotions.
“If you’re muttering gibberish, you must be trying to say, ‘I love you.’” Luke lifted his hand and ran it through Reid’s hair causing the doctor to shiver.
“Yes. That,” Reid said, pointing his finger at Luke and nodding his head.
“’Yes. That,’ too,” Luke whispered, stepping forward to close the space between their bodies. His lips were gentle against Reid’s and soft, very soft.
Reid let out a small moan when Luke pulled away after a few moments. He grabbed onto Luke’s biceps and yanked him in for a more heated kiss. When Reid pulled away, Luke fell a little towards him. Luke then righted himself and let out a small sigh. He fingered Reid’s burgundy collar and looked into Reid’s eyes with a slightly dazed expression.
Reid felt strongly that sex might be on the table again tonight.
Clapping Luke on the back and startling him, Reid said, “Come on, T-Rex, let’s go eat! I’m sure Lily’s got some raw meat on the menu for her precious dino-baby.”
A/N This was inspired by the most hilarious review of a real book, unfortunately only published online and not in paperback.