My Stardust Melody, Chapter 29
A/N We're still have a lot of angst here--just remember, there WILL be a happy ending. And, I apologize for the delay in posting--RL has a way of catching me unexpectedly. Chapter 30 should be up by Sunday.
Taking Nathan's advice, Reid had decided to give Luke space so the younger man's raw wounds--torn open by Damian and Reid--might heal. In the meantime, each day that passed was spent in agonizing reflection on how he had harmed someone so terribly. The worst moment came Christmas afternoon when Nathan's parents called and insisted on talking to Reid. The doctor had had to pretend that all was fine as Nathan's mom gushed about how proud she was of Reid and how she was sure Reid would make such a wonderful impact on the lives of people in Oakdale. She rambled unceasingly about how good a person Reid was, and it took everything he had not to shout at her that she was completely wrong. Instead, he listened mutely to words he knew he didn't deserve but couldn't prevent without wounding Nathan's parents. Reid vowed he was finished hurting people.
Reid hardly slept at night, having difficulty erasing the image of Luke's expression at the moment Reid threw money on the bed at the cabin. Every time he was alone and quiet, he felt like he was living in the cabin and at the party, calling Luke a "whore" or a "waste of time" all over again. The more he thought about it, the more it tore unbearably at his insides. When he put his feet on the floor the first morning, he rubbed his chest, knowing he would carry a razor scar across his heart for the rest of his life.
After three sleepless nights, Reid broke down and filled a prescription for sleeping pills. He would be of no use to anyone if didn't get a few decent nights of rest. As he checked out at the drug store, he also added a six-pack of a high-caloric drink to his purchase. He hadn't been able to eat anything solid since Christmas and hoped that he might be able to get some basic nourishment from imbibing the chalky, chocolate liquid.
While he felt tormented by how he had made Luke feel, part of Reid recognized that he needed to make amends not only for Luke's but his own sake. There would be no excuses for the venom he had spewed toward the blond. Reid's life, however it had gotten to this point, needed to turn to a new direction. How he had devolved to the point of accusing an innocent guy of being a prostitute was something he needed to discover and deal with.
There were some things Reid felt comfortable sharing with Nathan, but there were parts of Reid's life that he had never shared nor seen a point to sharing with his friend. In the past, he hadn't felt any trace of guilt over it--why would he dwell on those things? What would have been the point? Now, Reid knew he needed to share if he were ever going to figure out how he'd gotten to this turn of events--hell, he could practically hear Luke telling him that sometimes just the act of sharing could be cathartic--but it was extremely difficult for him. Wading into that territory felt particularly uncomfortable because no matter how much Nathan might sympathize, Reid felt like Nathan wouldn't really understand or even know how to deal with Reid's issues. He felt guilty for doubting the one person who had stood by him through his entire life. However, every time Reid opened his mouth to explain his feelings, he shut down.
He assumed it might be weeks before he heard from Luke, if ever. Foremost in Reid's mind was how he would be able to help the blond. Reid spent an inordinate amount of time worrying about Luke's finances, health, stress-level, and plain happiness. Reaching out to Luke after a couple weeks passed seemed like the most likely way Reid would ever be able to make Luke's life a little easier.
The road-block was that Luke might never be willing to talk to him. This would be Luke's right. In fact, Reid thought Luke might be smart to avoid him. If that were the case, Reid thought about other avenues he might take to reach out to Luke. Perhaps Reid could convince Maddie to intercede on his behalf? If she knew that all Reid wanted to do was help financially with no strings attached, maybe she'd be willing to say something.
Of course, the last time he'd seen Maddie, she'd threatened him about coming near Luke. Reid's heart sank at that thought. He'd been so stupidly angry that he couldn't see that her rage came from a pure place. How would he ever be able to convince her that he wasn't the asshole she thought?
He was that asshole, though, Reid thought with miserable certainty. Wasn't he? Reid had done every single thing Maddie believed and Luke had experienced. How would he ever really make amends for that? Money would only help relieve the financial stress that Luke was under. But how would Reid ever make up for the appalling things he'd said to Luke? Reid honestly couldn't think of anything feasible. Some things couldn't be taken back or set right. Hell, Reid couldn't guarantee that his nasty hostility wouldn't erupt again, a possibility which gave Reid great pause.
What would be the point of making amends if Reid could turn around and hurt Luke again or even someone else? With absolute conviction, Reid knew it was essential that he find a way to deal with his past so that it stopped affecting his relationships. His anger, into which Luke had unknowingly stumbled, needed to be marginalized.
In the midst of the emotional turmoil, the mundane routine of life continued on. Two days after Christmas, Reid set about establishing a permanent place in Oakdale. With Reid not feeling up to apartment-searching, Nathan found a two-bedroom and partially furnished apartment--far from any forest and close to the hospital. It was in an old warehouse that had been converted to lofts. Nathan liked the historical character mixed with the modern touches and was sure Reid would love the double-wide Subzero refrigerator. Reid tried to rally some enthusiasm--the place was great--but knew he disappointed his friend with his lackluster response. Nevertheless, there was an open unit on the third floor and Reid was moved in by the next morning. Since Nathan was sticking around for at least several more weeks, Reid was more than fine with having him take the second bedroom instead of immediately turning it into his home office. He was extremely grateful to have Nathan around for support while he struggled with the aftermath of his idiocy
Once he had thrown his belongings into the new apartment, Reid went back to work the third day after Christmas,. He had had a feeling that Nathan would reorganize anything Reid unpacked anyway, so he figured he'd just let Nathan do the unpacking from the get-go. Nathan, worried about Reid's depressed mood, tried to antagonize Reid with comical threats of adding "homey touches" and painting the living room baby blue. When he failed to get a smile or even a pillow thrown at him, Nathan more seriously suggested decking out the place with a 70-inch flat-panel TV mounted to the wall, surround sound, and leather recliners. Reid just shrugged and said, "Whatever," as he walked out the door. He felt guilty for letting Nathan down when he was trying to help, but Reid just couldn't muster excitement for his sleek new place while wondering if Luke would make his mortgage payment on time. Did Luke even have a television? Reid didn't think he had seen one in the farmhouse's living room.
A hospital was usually a haven for Reid--his ability to compartmentalize his life and shut out the surrounding world legendary. This time, work was different. As he strode through the halls, thoughts of Luke coming in to his head would keep intruding. How did Luke even afford medical care? would repeat itself loudly in his head, another guilty punch to his stomach every time he thought about it. How Luke managed to pay for medical care of the kids as well as himself was beyond Reid. The responsibility of raising children was something Reid had never had to worry about, and he couldn't believe that he'd ever thought that Luke had no real concerns in life. "Jackass," Reid muttered to himself.
Reid focused on the sole, functioning kidney of Luke's. He remembered that Luke was on the immunosuppressant regimen of tacrolimus, mycophenolate and prednisone, which generally cost about $1500 per month. What portion of that did Luke have to pay? Reid wondered if he might be able to get them for Luke for free somehow. The identity of Luke's current nephrologist was unknown to Reid, but there were only three at Memorial. Was Luke with the right one? Two of them were idiots in Reid's opinion. Reid was very tempted to find Luke's chart and investigate.
Reid's worries about Luke and his family kept mounting. What about things not covered by insurance? Did the kids get routine dental appointments? Did any of them need glasses? From what Nathan and he had pieced together over the last few days, Luke had next to no money. Julian Raines seemed unnaturally interested in pouncing on the farm if Luke was so much as a dime short on his mortgage, which was substantial, that Henry paid in return for Luke's work with the horses. To make ends meet, Luke worked at the diner, and how much could that really pay? Reid sure as hell hoped Henry offered medical benefits.
In lower moments, it really irked him that Henry was the better person of the two of them. That Reid had sunk beneath Henry Coleman, not only in his own estimation but probably everyone else's, was enough to make him rethink his life on its own. However, Reid was honest enough to admit to himself that he was profoundly grateful that Henry had been able to help Luke over the past couple of years.
As Reid sat in his office and opened his top-of-the-line laptop, the memory of Faith gushing over her clunky used laptop intruded. Another wave of guilt crashed over the doctor. The Snyder Christmas he'd witnessed had been heartwarming in its sincerity but humbling in its paucity of gifts. Reid had purchased his own computer on a whim--he hadn't even needed a special occasion. In fact, he had another one just like it at home so that he didn't have to carry it with him everywhere. How long had Luke saved up so that he could buy Faith her computer? Months? All Luke had received were homemade goodies and a shirt--it probably wasn't even that nice of a shirt. Luke, however, had smiled and seemed truly grateful for everything. It ate at Reid's insides to think he'd ever said Luke could be bought.
It killed Reid to think that things could have been dramatically different if he just hadn't opened his mouth two years ago to the investors at the party. Luke deserved to have the easier lifestyle he had been aiming for back then. Reid wondered what Christmas would look like now if he hadn't bolted out of that party but had stayed in Luke's life and if Grimaldi Shipping hadn't gone bankrupt. He suspected that there would still be the homemade gifts alongside a few nicer items. He knew that the kids would still flock around Luke with warm smiles and affectionate teasing. And if Reid were there, he hoped he'd have had the good sense to try to make a few of Luke's dreams come true.
Maybe there was still a chance for that? Perhaps next Christmas Reid could introduce Luke to the director of Knocked Up or that British Olympian Luke had gushed over? Reid could almost taste Luke's surprise and excitement. Just as a smile began to form on Reid's lips, reality crashed back upon the doctor. How in the hell would he ever be a part of a Snyder Christmas? Reid leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes in anguished regret. It was almost inconceivable that Reid would ever even be given the chance to show Luke how much he cared for him. And the idea of ever having a relationship was downright idiotic of Reid. Luke could never forgive Reid for all that he'd done. Reid had ruined everything, and there would be no warm fuzzy Christmases at the farm that would include the doctor. At the most, Reid could only pray that he might somehow make Luke's Christmases a little better from afar.
***
It was with great surprise that Reid received a text from Luke five days after Christmas. Reid was off work that day and was out getting coffee at a place called, "Java." In the hopes of staying alert despite the lack of sleep, Reid had started drinking a lot of caffeine during the day and found the one barrista in town who managed not to screw up his coffee and who could make correct change without tortured mental gymnastics.
When Reid felt the familiar vibration in his back pocket, he assumed it would be from Nathan. Instead, he read, "Meet me at the barn. You know the one. We need to talk. --Luke."
If it were anyone else, Reid would have been angered that he was being ordered around so highhandedly. The fact that someone would presume Reid had time to drop everything and meet would have been insulting. However, this was Luke, and Reid wasn’t about to indulge in any sort of braying about his precious time. He did register that Luke was pretty curt in the message, and, given that this was a lot sooner than Reid would have ever expected contact from the blond, alarm shot through him.
This had to be goodbye. Why else would Luke contact Reid but to banish him? Reid's heart started accelerating as he thought about Luke completely dismissing him. He would never be able to help Luke; he was never going to be given the chance to tell Luke...to tell him...to say to him…Hell. Any words of admiration Reid might have for him were worthless now. How could Reid expect Luke to believe what Reid now knew to be true: He would sacrifice anything to give Luke the beautiful life he deserved.
Reid got into his new car--another tether to Oakdale purchased in the past few days--carefully. He was aware he was frazzled and didn't want to end up in a second car crash this week. His movements were crisp and methodical as he tried to focus his mind on the task of driving. However, once he was out of the parking lot, his mind veered back to what Luke must be planning.
He tortured himself with the idea of Luke cursing and yelling at him. God knows Luke deserved the chance to enumerate every single transgression to Reid's face. Then Reid realized that the worst-case scenario would be if Luke didn't give him any time. If Luke was cold and merely said, "Get out of my life," then Reid wouldn't even have a chance to try to change his mind. It would all be over before Reid could even get started.
While Reid was fearfully pondering Luke's intent, he absently turned his new car into the drive of the farm. Suddenly, something felt very wrong. He couldn't see the house or the barns, but he knew there was trouble. He slowed the car and looked around, and that was when a horse went sprinting by him down the drive. Carefully, in case there were others outside the fence, he continued driving.
In the distance, he heard a high-pitched sound, kind of like a rusty door opening repetitively. As he came close, he was horrified to realize it was the sound of horses screaming. Smoke, which Reid had thought was coming from a chimney, was in fact wafting up from the barn. It curled and snaked its way like sickly vines out of the windows and door before it dispersed into the air casting a grey pall over the sky.
Reid stopped the car Hastily and ran toward the barn. Luke, Luke, Luke. The young man's name played like a frantic refrain in Reid's head. Before he did anything else, the doctor pulled out his phone and called 911. He then rushed toward the entrance but stopped when he saw Faith, wearing only jeans and a long-sleeve T-shirt in the cold snow, about twenty feet from the flames. She was desperately trying to calm a large chestnut horse whose bridle she gripped hard. When she saw him, she glared, her face a mixture of fear and rage.
"Get out!" she yelled. "Haven't you done enough?"
Reid ignored the question and asked urgently, "What the hell is going on? Where's Luke?" He wiped his eyes with his jacket sleeve--even at this distance, the smoke was overwhelming.
"Like you care," Faith spat.
"Just tell me he's okay," Reid replied, steadfast and serious.
Something in his tone must have reached Faith. She said, "He's inside! He told me to wait here with Serendipity while he freed the other horses. I haven't seen Midnight and Luke hasn't come out again. I called 911 but no one's come yet, and the fire is getting worse."
"How long has it been?"
"At least five minutes! I was just about to go in and look for him. We can't lose him! Natalie, Ethan…they can't lose him!"
"Are they safe?" Reid asked, suddenly worried about the two unseen kids. If they were here, they might try to rescue their big brother and get injured. Even if they didn't, Reid wouldn't want them to witness seeing Luke possibly being hurt or worse.
"Yes, they're at Jack's. Luke and I weren't even supposed to be here. But I forgot something, and then we saw the fire, and this is all my fault!"
"Thank god they're safe," Reid said softly, feeling some small measure of relief.
It was at that moment, Faith exclaimed, "Midnight!" as a large, black stallion came cantering from behind the barn.
Silently, Faith and Reid waited for Luke, hoping that he would follow the horse. After a minute passed, Reid turned to Luke's sister and declared resolutely, "I'm going in to find him."
"Like I'd ever trust you," she retorted acidly, dropping the reins of Serendipity who then bolted away from the smoky barn and headed toward Midnight.
Despite the heat coming from the barn, Reid could feel ice shoot down his neck at the venom in her voice. There wasn't time to waste, so he grabbed her arm and said, "You're not going in there. You and those other two kids are all Luke has in this world, and I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I'm the better choice anyway--I’m stronger and I'm a doctor. If he's injured I'll know what to do."
Faith's intense eyes locked with his, and she nodded curtly. "Okay."
Without another word, Reid sprinted toward the barn. He took off his jacket and held it over his nose and mouth to block some of the smoke. Once inside, Reid realized that time was of the essence as violent flames engulfed the entire structure. Smoke filled his lungs, and sweat dripped down his forehead as he forayed into the burning abyss.
"Luke!" Reid shouted. He stopped to listen for any response, but all he heard was the crackling of flames and the angry creaking of wooden beams that were weakening against the consuming heat.
He ran toward the middle of the barn and shouted Luke's name again. From the back corner, Reid thought he might have heard something. He hurdled over a flaming beam, and ran toward the noise, dodging serpentine flames and fallen debris.
"Over here!" yelled a voice.
Reid turned to his right and was shocked to see Damian Grimaldi a few feet away through the smoke. Ash disguised the Maltese man's face, but there was no doubt it was him. What the hell was he doing here?
"Luciano!" Damian said as Reid hurriedly approached, and he pointed toward the ground. "Aiuto!"
With gut-wrenching alarm, Reid looked down to see Luke unconscious on the ground with a large wooden beam pinning him. The doctor dropped his jacket and immediately searched Luke's neck for a pulse. It was there, drumming steadily. Reid closed his eyes in a brief moment of profound thanks.
"Non riesco a…I can't lift the beam and slide him out at the same time," Damian said, his voice strained but loud enough to be heard over the flames.
The words prodded Reid into action. "I'll lift the beam, and you grab him," Reid replied.
Damian nodded and positioned himself near Luke's waist. As Reid was about to grab the fallen rafter, Luke's father warned, "Attento--it's hot."
Not caring how scorching the wood was, Reid grabbed it between both hands and pulled it off of Luke. "Hurry," he grunted, ignoring the searing pain in his hands but afraid that he couldn't endure the beam's weight for long.
With a quick pull, Damian freed Luke and Reid dropped the timber onto the ground. Damian was overtaken by a violent burst of coughing. Not wanting to waste another second in this inferno, Reid bent over and threw Luke over his shoulder, gritting his teeth against the pain in his hands.
"This way," Damian choked, and started toward the rear of the barn. By this time, the smoke had become nearly unbearable. Reid could barely see more than a foot in front of him, and his eyes stung so badly that they were nearly useless anyway. Blazing debris littered the ground. Reid would try to avoid one burning piece, only to step on another. The hell-fire heat made him feel like his flesh was roasting. Every movement became more excruciatingly difficult than the prior one.
Then suddenly, they were outside, and Reid was sucking in the cold, fresh air. Damian collapsed on the ground, and Reid carefully placed Luke beside him.
As Reid checked the blond's pulse again and his body for injuries--ignoring the acute sting coming from his own hands--Faith came flying around the burning structure. "Oh my God, is he alive?" she cried.
"Yes," he said, his voice raspy from inhaling smoke. He coughed and said, "His pulse is strong."
"Why isn't he awake?" she asked, kneeling down and trying to brush Luke's hair off his forehead.
"He has a contusion to the back of his head and his lungs have been exposed to a lot of smoke. Either of these things could account for unconsciousness." His clinical tone belied the immense worry he felt.
"Is he going to be okay?"
"I hope so. We'll know more when we get him to the hospital." He fought to stay calm, something that was generally easy for him in emergencies but his nerve deserted him here. His pulse raced and his brow dripped with sweat as he considered all the possibilities of what could go wrong.
Faith's eyes lighted upon Damian who was sitting with his arms resting heavily on his bent knees. "You," she breathed. "You did this."
"I had to," Damian exclaimed before his body convulsed with another round of coughing. "Julian…threatened to kill Luke if I didn't destroy the horses."
Reid looked up from Luke. "Julian?" he questioned.
Damian nodded. "Kidnapped me two years ago and…"
Faith's gasp of "What?" interrupted him. She was stunned by the news that Damian had been kidnapped.
Luke's father coughed before explaining, "Julian wanted to punish me--and Luke--for the debt I owed him and Luke's involvement with Dr. Oliver. He kept me imprisoned for a few weeks until he decided to set me free. I wasn't allowed to contact Luke. Then six weeks ago, one of Julian's men found me and told me I had to come here to end Luke's success. But Luke wasn't supposed to be here today."
Astounded by Damian's revelations, Reid couldn't believe how vindictive Julian could be to take the last remaining parent of Luke's away. And then to set that parent loose on Luke as Julian's means of revenge was manifestly evil.
Damian's last comment about Luke unexpected presence finally registered with Reid. He thought about the text he'd received from Luke with a jolt. "But I was meant to be here?" he demanded angrily.
Damian nodded calmly, which sent chills down Reid's spine. "Julian wanted me to frame you--he's insane. He can't let go of the fact that Luke preferred you. So, he wanted you at the barn when it was on fire."
Staring down at Luke's helpless form with the barn in flames in the background, Reid felt a wave of protective rage overcome him. Luke had done nothing but fight to protect his young family, and at every turn, someone had tried to hurt him. How in the hell would Luke deal with the fact that it was his own father that had nearly cost him his life? After two years of being separated, Luke was going to wake up to find out Damian had been kidnapped and banished--if that were really the truth and Reid would never be certain given the Maltese man's history--and had been trying to sabotage the existence Luke had fought so hard to build. It would be devastating news.
Faith, who had been listening intently, interjected angrily, "So, Julian got dumped and wanted revenge? When you were free, why the hell didn't you tell Luke what was going on?"
"I was afraid for Luciano's life. Julian said he'd kill him. Amo mio figlio. Non avrei mai fatto del male."
Faith's face drained of all color as she shouted, "You nearly killed him twice! How is that better? How is that not hurting him? Look at him." When Damian didn't immediately turn his head toward Luke, she yelled again, "Look at him!"
Damian swallowed and turned his gaze toward Luke. Anguish and shame burdened his blue eyes. He looked so heartsick that, for a moment, Reid pitied him.
Reid reached for Luke's wrist, the one with the scar, and checked his pulse again. He prayed that Luke would wake up and be okay. The longer he was unconscious, however, the more frantic Reid grew. Where the hell was the fire department?
As if they'd heard his silent plea, firefighters and EMS workers came running around the ravaged barn.
"Where the hell have you been?" Reid asked heatedly.
As a medic began checking Luke's vitals, Reid barked, "They're normal. He's a 6 on the GCS. You need to get him oxygen now. He has a closed head injury to the back of his skull. He needs a CT scan as soon as he gets to the hospital."
"Sir, please let me do my job," the emergency worker said brusquely.
"Your job is to get him to the hospital alive in case I need to operate on him. Where is the stretcher?"
"Sir, I assure you I've been trained in the best way to treat him. Sam is bringing the stretcher," she reasoned as she went about checking Luke's pulse and patting his body to search for injuries. She then set about testing Luke's blood pressure.
Reid raised his eyebrows. "Really? I went to the best medical school in the country, but what do I know?"
Ignoring his comment, the worker said, "His pressure is a little low, but his pulse seems stable."
"A little low?" Reid asked sarcastically. "Is that your official diagnosis? Why even use a gauge if you're just going to make insipid pronouncements like that?"
After testing Luke’s visual, verbal, and motor response to stimuli, she said to a medic approaching Reid, “He’s a 6 on the GCS.” The scale measured a person’s level of consciousness after a brain injury-a 6 wasn’t the worst, but it wasn’t good.
“Are you deaf? I already told you that!” Reid shouted irritably.
Before she could reply, the medic now beside Reid said firmly, "We need to examine you for injuries."
"A little oxygen and I'll be fine, Sam. I don't have any injuries," Reid said, discounting the horrific pain emanating from his hands. "You and that one," he said, pointing at the first medic, "need to lift the patient onto the gurney and make sure you keep his head stationary. If he has a cerebral contusion, I don't want there to be a chance of any further damage to his brain from the pressure."
Sam walked quickly over to Luke muttering, "Stabilize his head. I would have never thought of that."
Everything seemed to move quickly after that. The two medics got Luke on the stretcher and carried him to the ambulance. Faith rode with Luke, while Damian and Reid were taken in separate vehicles. With an oxygen mask over his face, Reid lay back against his gurney and stared down at his hands. It was the first time he'd looked at them. They were badly blistered, and his flesh was angry red. He moved his fingers and sharp pain shot up the lengths of his arms. He didn't care--all he could think about was the unconscious man who was on his way to the hospital.