AU FIC 6/?
Title: Fear and Loathing 6/?
Author: Petuli
Pairings/Characters: Dean/Sam, AU fic (Sam and Dean are not related)
Rating: (NC17)
Category: eventually slash
Word Count:
Spoilers: None
Summary: Dean and Sam go searching for a vengeance demon, Dean has gay issues and Sam's a hustler
Notes/Warnings: Slash, angst, lots and lots of angst and some really dark humour
Chapter 6
The first thing Dean notices about her is how small she looks, just barely 18, this petite little girl with green emerald eyes and a full round face and a smile that would provoke the angels, and Dean's clutching his gun, the gun he has pointed towards her, the gun that's suppose to go off because he's suppose to pull the trigger and blast the demon full of something ... shit, how does he even know it will work? The thought of coming here unprepaired, facing this thing, whatever the hell it is, makes Dean really uneasy, but he can't help but notice that she doesn't actually look like she's gonna bite his head off anytime soon, at least not in a literary sense, in fact, more than anything, she looks nervous and she has this guilty expression on her face, like she knows what this is all about, and it hits Dean that she really doesn't seem willing to hurt him and her smile, at this point, is just as strained as his, but Dean can't stop this feeling of having come across something he doesn't quite understand, something he won't find the solution for in one of dad's old books, because the demon, the one he's suppose to kill and be done with, seems so human, and looks just like the girl Dean would have dated and has been dating throughout the years, only this one, this girl, if that's even what she is, seems far brighter and far more selfconscious about who she is and the real kicker is, she doesn't seem too happy about it, she doesn't seem to walk around all smug about whoever or whatever she is, and maybe part of her is ashamed, Dean thinks. Whoah, where did that come from? The demon, the girl, seems misplaced and she's not bothering to cover up her frustration, anger and hurt over it, bleeding into Dean like she's filling him up with her thoughts and images, huh, that was weird which reminds Dean of the way Sam looks at himself, not that Sam can ever be compared to this freak of nature, as far as Dean's conserned, Sam's a typical normal 18-year old who's just seen and dealt with too much crap to maintain a paticularly healthy view of life. Or maybe it's just the oposite, maybe the 'life's a bitch and then you die' strategy really is the right way to go about all of this, because let's face it, sceptism and cynism may seem a little off in the white picket fence community, but in Deanland, it sounds just about right.
"I just wanted to help him, Dean, I like Sammy and I really couldn't stand the though of all those men fucking him
and touching him against his will".
Dean finally snaps out of it and looks at her. Really looks at her, she's not exactly evil personified, least scary bitch Dean's ever seen in a while, but Dean knows better than to buy into bullshit just because it comes in such a nice package. He's learned apparances deceive and this is something past experiences won't let him forget.
Dean takes another step towards her, a grim expression on his face, the one he reserves for these things, the one that means 'sorry, sweetheart, but I'm here to waste ya, no time for smalltalk, I'm afraid', and the girl's eyes visibly widens.
"So you just killed all those men and let Sam get their blood on his hands, letting him walk around with the guilt? Because I don't know how you pictured it all, maybe you're sweet on Sammy, I don't know, but the way it works, you've got a seriously fucked up kid who's trying to come to terms with having murdered his costumers or wishing them harm".
The demon crosses her arms and sticks her chin up defiantly at Dean, a gesture that reminds him of Sam, it's probably the girl's age that makes compare her with Sammy, she's dressed in black leatherpants and a white tanktop, there's a really beautiful necklace around her throat, it's a medallion of some sort, looks really old and ancient, and for some reason unknown to Dean, it's making him project all kinds of thoughts of Sam, Sam and him together, Sam and those men, the demon's last victims, they've all died because they've been fucking Sam, practically raping him, because there's not one time in Sam's long career, Dean winces at the thought, were Sam's been willingly participating, he's just drifted off to some imaginary place where those hands and fingers constantly groping him, can't reach him, can't touch him, can't fuck him. Dean hisses, gripping his head like he's trying to prevent the thoughts from coming. He's getting a clear view of Sam's fucked up past and it's all because of that demon, Dean knows it, and he knows he should be doing something about it, but he can't do anything but scream and beg for it to stop.
"Go damn you, make it stop! You think I want to see what they did to him, what they forced him to do?! Get the fuck out of my head and take this filth with you!".
The demon pushes back from the wall, taking several steps towards Dean, looking intently at him like she's aware of Dean's pain and knows she put it there, there's no satisfaction in her sad smile as she reaches out to touch Dean, whispering words of comfort and promises of revenge.
"They will all pay for making Sam suffer like that, each person who breaks him will face the consequenses".
And as the words drip onto Dean, dripping with venom, Dean realises that all though the demon may look like a sweet and innocent girl, she's anything but those things, probably not even remotely related to anything resembling a girl, the soft features on the demon's face is just as deceiving as the goth clothes and the make-up. It's just an image, an illusion, meant to distract Dean from what he's really suppose to be doing here which is killing the demon and getting the hell out of here, back to the apartment and Sam.
"You and me have a lot in common, Dean. We're both looking after Sam, the only way we know how, we're both going out of our ways to protect him". The girl, demon, leans close and touches Dean's amulet before he has the chance to react and flinch away.
"I do it because Sam's such a beautiful specimen, so gifted and talented and openminded. Your sammy's not the typical whore, Dean, he has special powers, but I guess he didn't told you about those, now did he?"
The demon's words feels like a punch to Dean's stomach.
"You leave Sam alone, you hear?", he spat angrily, causing the girl to back up. Her face looks pale in the morninglight, another stupid cliché, Dean muses, "Sammy doesn't need more crap, least of all from you. He's fucking suffered enough".
They stand there, facing eachother, he's breathing heavily through her nose, she's looking at him with curious halfamused eyes, that fucking smile back on her face.
"He's gone, Dean. Up and left as soon as he woked up in your apartment and noticed you weren't there, noticed that you'd betrayed him. He really wanted to come with you, but you knew that, right? You even pretended he was going to be participating in this fight against all evil crusade of yours, thinking he'd actually do some good, be that noble guy for a change. And what do you do? You fucking leave a note and goes out to do your whole solo act".
Dean freezes, feeling the blood leave his face and replace every organ with ice. The realisation of what's done hits him hard. He left. Sam must think he's no better than those scumbags who hurt Sam. And now Dean's hurt Sam so much worse, because he was the one, the only one who managed to give Sam some hope, before he just snapped his fingers and took it away. Fuck, what have I done, Jensen thinks and tries not to image the look on Sammy's face when he wakes up and realises that Dean's not there. What did I do, he keeps ranting, desperate to believe Sam hasn't walked out on him and walked right back into his old fucked up life.
"Yes Dean", the demon answers for him, who's apparantly picked up on some creepy mindreading, just basic demon stuff really, "he's back to sucking strangers off and taking money for letting someone tap his ass like he's open for business, which he is, Dean, he's never known how not to sell himself short".
The last words are spoken with such comtempt, but Dean suspects they are directed towards him, not Sam, because he didn't understand it all, and he missed the most important thing and now it may be too late.
The though of loosing Sam hasn't really occurred to Dean before now and when he's finally faced with that possibility, it's like he can't stop hyperventilating, only he doesn't really hyperventilate, it just feels like that, like he's under water and drowning and needs to come up for air.
"I can see you're already starting to fall for him", the demon says with a smug smirk, "ofcause it might be too late, I don't know, Dean", the girl pretended to blow out smoke and snickered, "you may have blown your chance with this guy". She says it like she actually knows Sam, mentions him as 'this guy' to indicate Dean doesn't know him half as well as he thinks he does, or hell, half as well as the demon clearly does. But Dean's not giving up without a fight, and the demon sure as hell isn't gonna get away with all those murders and death's, no matter how much they deserved it."
"Listen, you son of a bitch", Dean hisses out between his teeths, earning an odd, but intrigued look from the beautiful creature. "I don't believe in God, I don't read the bible, I don't believe in the devil and the avenging angels and stuff and I think it's a bunch of craps written by human. I do believe in demons and spirits and creatures like you though, and I know for a fact that I can kill you, and that makes me feel good about myself, and if you think for one second, I'll let you walk around and play the punisher or the avenger or whatever the fuck you think you're doing, whether you're out on some fucked up noble mission or you're just doing it for your own amusement, I will stop you".
The girl laughs. And rolls her eyes like she's half exhasperated, and that just fucking does it for Dean.
So he grabs her and shakes her, forces her up against the wall, banging her head a few times and nearly cracking her skull open, surprisingly, she feels just like a normal humanbeing, even with the strength of a girl her age, there's nothing threatening about her, except her mindreading and obvious gloating, and clearly she has some powers, but it feels like Dean coul just snap her fucking neck like it's no big deal and that helps reassure him a little. But then the fear of loosing Sam overcomes him with such great power that he can barely stand up, much less threaten a demon, all though he knows he'll make good on those threats later so that helps him breathe a little easier, it's still hard though, feels like he's gonna break any second now. And he doesn't understand the the sea of emotions and the darkness that suddenly surrounds him, it feels like invisible octopusarms are wrapping themselves around him, and he's momentarily blinded by this thing ... this growing pile of consern and love and want and just what the hell is happening to him?
Where is he? Where's Sam. Tell me! Dean's reaching out towards her now, clutching at her chest, ripping little shreds of skin, but the girl doesn't move out of his way, she just lets him. It's like she's doing something to him and Dean just can't control it, whatever this is, and he knows there's something he should be thinking of, but all he can think about right now is Sam. It's like he can't even imagine his life without him, like he's never had one before he met him.
"What the hell did you do to me?", Jensen gasps, stumbling backwards, falling on the groun gracelessly, tears falling from his eyes like someone's put them there.
The demon shrugs. "I just showed you how you really felt about him, I guess you can say I lifted the curtains for you". She looks at Dean for a second. "Denyal works for you, huh? Well, what can I say, I'm not too big on it myself. I'm more a fan of the truth. At least the truth isn't half as pathetic as the lies you keep feeding eachother".
Dean swallows. Trying to process this new information, knowing damn well, that demons lie. That's what they do, he reminds himself. But what if it's telling the truth?
"Where, where does he usually go?", Dean asks flatly, causing the demon to raise it's eyebrows at him. "Answer me, god damn it! Does, does he even have an apartment, a home address? Some place where he sleeps, fuck, I need to know, please ..."
He falls down to the ground with her hands still touching his head, and he can't figure out where all these images and sounds and emotions are coming from, but it doesn't matter now, because no matter what he does, he can't stop it. It's like a damn has been set free, like all the demons has finally crawled out of his chest, found they way out of Dean and he just can't control any of it. He's not the one in charge anymore. "What's happening to me?", Dean hisses and snarls, angry and terrified and torn up between emotions he never even knew he had, and it's all so fucked up and surreal and Dean doesn't even know if he's awake or if it's all a dream.
"Sa ... Sammy, need to ... god I need ... fuck", Dean let's out a broken sound, something between a sob and a scream and then it all goes black. The last thing he sees is the flicker of flames in her eyes, the flash of gold and silver and he realises his mistake just as he passes out on the ground.
TBC