(no subject)
Hello my name is Carolina Rico and I’m an alcoholic, I have an eating disorder, and my only way out is smoking pot.
Last night was a night I wish never happened again. I almost lost my best friend. The one who is always there when no one else and always cheers me up no matter how he feels. His name is Mando Stevens one of the most talented extreme sports kid i ever seen in my life. I swear give him something and he will learn it or try to do tricks on it as long as it’s in his hands.
You know how weekends all we do is party and smoke and just have our adventures. Well i find my self saying "my life is a fucken adventure". I always find my self having an adventure, but what it sums up to is more a risk then an adventure. I am pushing my limit; we are all pushing our limits. The "ADVENTURE" turned out to be a task, crossing the thin line. The line that defines fun from stupidity, buzzed from wasted, high from stone, eating from pigging out. My life is no longer an adventure, its more like lets see how much my body can take today so that tomorrow we can wake up and say omg that was crazy lets do it again today but this time im taking 3 more then yesterday.
I find my self smoking everyday, it started as a joint, then as a bowl, and then as a bong, next thing we know a blunt is not enough. It’s more like dime a day in between my friends or maybe more. A tall boy became water and buying random alcohol bottles that we cant even remember the names to it but the burning sensation will always be remember has become a daily thing. We don’t drink to have fun anymore its more like we drink because our life’s are so fucked up we prefer testing our limits everyday single night.
Well guys guess what! IT’S NOT A PARTY IF IT HAPPENDS EVERYDAY. We NEED HELP! Yes YOU need help. I NEED HELP.
MANDO, ALEX, LUIS, BEATER, REACHEL, WILLY, MELLISA, VICTOR, sometimes AMANDA, i can keep on saying names but you guys are my closest friends. You guys are MY FAMILY you guys are ALL I GOT!
LAST NIGHT, was .... THE NIGHT that made me realizes im wrong. All i was thinking was fuck if i don’t make it, what’s going to happen, how do i do this? How can i call my mom "mom i think im dying i had too much alcohol. Come get me!" OR "Miss Stevens, im with your son in the hospital, i know youur husbands in the hospital, see me and Mando went out to a show and we cross our own lines. im trying to sober up for him he is asking me to take him to the hospital what do i do?.." that’s not exactly the most easiest thing to say when you know your wrong. You know everything happening at that second is nothing but your fault.
Mando had consumed almost the same amount of alcohol that we all had.
This is what happened:
I showed up at Mandos house like around 7 pm. I am smoking a bowl waiting for Alex to show up. Alex gets here, we go pick up Reachel. We smoke another bowl in my car. So much smoke it made Alex high. (She wasn’t smoking). Then we go get beer. Which turns out to be 6 tall boys of 211. (that’s 8% aclh. its like a mix drink but with vodka yeah its nasty don’t try it). We are all drinking AND DRIVING. HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEND I DONT KNOW !! Then next task beer isn’t enough so we get a SOUTHER CONFORT BOTTLE. We show up at the show too early there is no one there. Next thing i know we are at Mandos house taking shots of that nasty ass drink. Before I even drink it im telling him im already fucked up and i don’t want to throw up. He says "we all have to drink it" so we all DO!. That shit as soon as it enters your mouth u can feel it traveling into ur blood stream. Sudden tingly sensation all over your body and your body temperature rises. We get fucked up. With half the bottle!!. We are deciding who is more sober me or him. HE can drive because i find my self holding on to anything in order to stand up. We still have beer and half the bottle. On our way there we are all trying to chug our beers that seem bottomless. We deiced to smoke another bowl before we go in. We get in and Mando still buys a beer. We are all having a good time and then bam. Next task "finish the bottle". So we do and Mando ends up taking most of it in one chug.
Fun part:
The bands are playing and we are enjoying. Therese people we know so we are all socializing. Then next band comes in, and they are totally funny. AI Solar was good, then Dynamite Club (or something like that) gets on stage.
There’s this Asian guy with only underwear who is mooning us on stage. Then next thing i know. They are doing some acrobat shit on the middle of the place and I look to my left and MANDO IS ON STAGE SCREAMING "YEAHHHHH".
We are all cracking up to the point i can’t feel my stomach. I suddenly become dizzy and need to get up. I walk towards the bathroom and Mando follows me. He tells me "Carol never let me drink this much omg im so fucked up" I have never seen him fucked uP.
END OF FUN:
I am holding on to dear life, Mando is hanging himself on my back. He tells me he needs to go to the bathroom so i said FUCK IT. I go in with him .. lol yes i went to the boys bathroom at Lucky Devils. (it was clean). Anyway im trying to grab him as he is sliding from me. He starts to barf. Then it hit me. My best friend is fucked up and we had almost the same. Those that mean im fucked up to? Im okay I feel okay, no im not okay. I don’t know what is going on. WHY am i in the boys’ bathroom? Why dose my head feel is going to fall off? Why is the music still going loud and I can’t see straight? Why is my best friend on the floor? His head is all in the toilet and all he tells me is "clean the toilet, am i putting my face on someone ass?" I am like yeah dude. You are putting ur face on many fuckers ass. I was there for like 10 mints then Reachel comes in and starts to help him out. He wouldn’t get up. I couldn’t get him up. Then like 30 mints later i ask the guard to help me take him in my car. I ran to my car and as i am trying to pull him in, he asked "CAROLINA CAN U TAKE ME TO THE HOPSTIAL?" for him to ask such a question was like .......................
I snap out of it and focus on the road. All of the sudden im not scare of driving anymore The only one that can drive my car is me and
Mando no one else can drive standard. So I put his belt on and take him to Thomason.(which by the way THAT IS THE WORST HOPSTILA U CAN EVER TAKE ANYONE TO. FUCKKKKKKKKK THEERE WAS PEOPLE WATING FOR HOURS TO GO IN.) Mando is literally dying on this wheel chair we got for him. Right in front of us and no one is doing anything about it. When you see the only person that really dose care and has showed they care about you dying in front of your eyes.. OMG. ... i cant explain that feeling. I count cry because then the girls would freak out. I had to pretend i was sober i couldn’t even talk. ( im diabetic ( i need insulin injections but i never take them) after all the shit i drank i felt like all of the sudden the room is getting darker) I was hitting my self on the face and punching Mando saying "com on brother wake up don’t pass out. im going to punch you again if you don’t" Reachel stars to free flow which was fucken funny and helped me zoomed out a little. We were sitting there for like 2 hours with NO HELP. my best friend looked so pale. Then i had to go and take Alex to her car which was at HIS house. We decided to take him home, and make him rest, We do that, he ends up staying outside his house. There was NO WAY i could get him in. So we drop him off and walk away. THAT RIGHT THERE has to be the ugliest feeling ever. Then I and the girls end up going to Mc Donnals and eating. We sat outside and realize how fucked up our life’s really are. How much are we willing to do before its too late. How much is TOO MUCH? Why do we do it every night? We then realize is Tuesday and we are far gone. We are totally wasted. I am fucked up trying to eat a burger.
First it was me, then Willy, then Mando, whose next? What will happen next that will make us not do it again the next night? Who will die before we realize what we are doing is only hurting us.? What’s the cost we need to pay in order to have "fun"? I don’t want those questions answer. I dont want to do this anymore
I dont want to lose my friends to a bottle. I dont want to miss out on things in life but cant because my state of mind is far from here.
DUDE WE NEED HELP!!!!!!! i NEED HELP.
I drink because I hate my self. I smoke because it makes me numb, I puke because im fat. I dont understand what happened. What made me turn out this way. I have nothing to my name. The only friends i got and i can depend on are few. Im alone, i have no one to call at night. I have nothing but a pillow telling me its okay and maybe tomorrow will be better. I smile because I can not cry. Last night I realize i have something good and i dont want to end up fucking my self before i get to it. that one good thing is the fact that I LOVE MY FRIENDS. AND CAPULET. Gosh they make me laugh so much, and Capulet is gorgeous hes the guy I been wishing existed all my life. Hopefully everything goes good and I later on can write blogs about him ja lol. Anyway my "VACATION IS OVER" im done damaging my self. I am done drinking to the max, i cant stop but i can sure stop my self from that. I am done drinking till i can’t remember, I am done smoking till i cant feel, and im done eating till i feel useless. ITS OVER!!! im BRAKING UP WITH MY BAD HABBITS. Thank you for making me realize that the only thing bad in my life is what im doing to my self. Thank you for making me realize I love life, and I love Mando and Reachel and Alex and even the little things in life. I LOVE EVERYTHING. im sorry! IM SORRY for not being the example that i should be, You guys look up to me and all i do is push you guys to the limit more. Im changing my ways. and fuckers this is DETOX WEEK!!! that’s right.. come up with shit to do besides the daily cuz im for sure NOT going to indulge my self in stupid liquid that kills ur brain cells.
So.. i know i wrote a book but sometimes its hard to say shit. I am letting you know about my life, Im getting old and I need change my life style. If you guys know me then you know what I always say "I AM JUST DOING THIS BECUAE I HAVE NOTHING WATING FOR ME. I NAVE NO ONE, NO OBLIGATIONS, NOTHING, SO UNTIL I FIND SOMETHING I THINK ITS WROTH IT THEN ILL STOP".. well I found my self saying that yesterday to someone that asked me why I do what I do. and suddenly I felt like i was LYING. to MYSELF>! I have a nice guy that I should keep on talking to more, I call him ROMEO. Gosh he’s so .... .. just his music taste is WOW, and he can play music... oh gosh and his eyes are to die for. I got good friends, and a lovely Scooter, and my kick ass computer and i am proud to say I BUILDT IT! I am fucken smart wtf am i waiting for?
MANDO IM GLAD YOU ARE STILL WITH US!1 I LOVE YOU MAN!! DONT DO THIS TO ME AGAIN.
Last night was a night I wish never happened again. I almost lost my best friend. The one who is always there when no one else and always cheers me up no matter how he feels. His name is Mando Stevens one of the most talented extreme sports kid i ever seen in my life. I swear give him something and he will learn it or try to do tricks on it as long as it’s in his hands.
You know how weekends all we do is party and smoke and just have our adventures. Well i find my self saying "my life is a fucken adventure". I always find my self having an adventure, but what it sums up to is more a risk then an adventure. I am pushing my limit; we are all pushing our limits. The "ADVENTURE" turned out to be a task, crossing the thin line. The line that defines fun from stupidity, buzzed from wasted, high from stone, eating from pigging out. My life is no longer an adventure, its more like lets see how much my body can take today so that tomorrow we can wake up and say omg that was crazy lets do it again today but this time im taking 3 more then yesterday.
I find my self smoking everyday, it started as a joint, then as a bowl, and then as a bong, next thing we know a blunt is not enough. It’s more like dime a day in between my friends or maybe more. A tall boy became water and buying random alcohol bottles that we cant even remember the names to it but the burning sensation will always be remember has become a daily thing. We don’t drink to have fun anymore its more like we drink because our life’s are so fucked up we prefer testing our limits everyday single night.
Well guys guess what! IT’S NOT A PARTY IF IT HAPPENDS EVERYDAY. We NEED HELP! Yes YOU need help. I NEED HELP.
MANDO, ALEX, LUIS, BEATER, REACHEL, WILLY, MELLISA, VICTOR, sometimes AMANDA, i can keep on saying names but you guys are my closest friends. You guys are MY FAMILY you guys are ALL I GOT!
LAST NIGHT, was .... THE NIGHT that made me realizes im wrong. All i was thinking was fuck if i don’t make it, what’s going to happen, how do i do this? How can i call my mom "mom i think im dying i had too much alcohol. Come get me!" OR "Miss Stevens, im with your son in the hospital, i know youur husbands in the hospital, see me and Mando went out to a show and we cross our own lines. im trying to sober up for him he is asking me to take him to the hospital what do i do?.." that’s not exactly the most easiest thing to say when you know your wrong. You know everything happening at that second is nothing but your fault.
Mando had consumed almost the same amount of alcohol that we all had.
This is what happened:
I showed up at Mandos house like around 7 pm. I am smoking a bowl waiting for Alex to show up. Alex gets here, we go pick up Reachel. We smoke another bowl in my car. So much smoke it made Alex high. (She wasn’t smoking). Then we go get beer. Which turns out to be 6 tall boys of 211. (that’s 8% aclh. its like a mix drink but with vodka yeah its nasty don’t try it). We are all drinking AND DRIVING. HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEND I DONT KNOW !! Then next task beer isn’t enough so we get a SOUTHER CONFORT BOTTLE. We show up at the show too early there is no one there. Next thing i know we are at Mandos house taking shots of that nasty ass drink. Before I even drink it im telling him im already fucked up and i don’t want to throw up. He says "we all have to drink it" so we all DO!. That shit as soon as it enters your mouth u can feel it traveling into ur blood stream. Sudden tingly sensation all over your body and your body temperature rises. We get fucked up. With half the bottle!!. We are deciding who is more sober me or him. HE can drive because i find my self holding on to anything in order to stand up. We still have beer and half the bottle. On our way there we are all trying to chug our beers that seem bottomless. We deiced to smoke another bowl before we go in. We get in and Mando still buys a beer. We are all having a good time and then bam. Next task "finish the bottle". So we do and Mando ends up taking most of it in one chug.
Fun part:
The bands are playing and we are enjoying. Therese people we know so we are all socializing. Then next band comes in, and they are totally funny. AI Solar was good, then Dynamite Club (or something like that) gets on stage.
There’s this Asian guy with only underwear who is mooning us on stage. Then next thing i know. They are doing some acrobat shit on the middle of the place and I look to my left and MANDO IS ON STAGE SCREAMING "YEAHHHHH".
We are all cracking up to the point i can’t feel my stomach. I suddenly become dizzy and need to get up. I walk towards the bathroom and Mando follows me. He tells me "Carol never let me drink this much omg im so fucked up" I have never seen him fucked uP.
END OF FUN:
I am holding on to dear life, Mando is hanging himself on my back. He tells me he needs to go to the bathroom so i said FUCK IT. I go in with him .. lol yes i went to the boys bathroom at Lucky Devils. (it was clean). Anyway im trying to grab him as he is sliding from me. He starts to barf. Then it hit me. My best friend is fucked up and we had almost the same. Those that mean im fucked up to? Im okay I feel okay, no im not okay. I don’t know what is going on. WHY am i in the boys’ bathroom? Why dose my head feel is going to fall off? Why is the music still going loud and I can’t see straight? Why is my best friend on the floor? His head is all in the toilet and all he tells me is "clean the toilet, am i putting my face on someone ass?" I am like yeah dude. You are putting ur face on many fuckers ass. I was there for like 10 mints then Reachel comes in and starts to help him out. He wouldn’t get up. I couldn’t get him up. Then like 30 mints later i ask the guard to help me take him in my car. I ran to my car and as i am trying to pull him in, he asked "CAROLINA CAN U TAKE ME TO THE HOPSTIAL?" for him to ask such a question was like .......................
I snap out of it and focus on the road. All of the sudden im not scare of driving anymore The only one that can drive my car is me and
Mando no one else can drive standard. So I put his belt on and take him to Thomason.(which by the way THAT IS THE WORST HOPSTILA U CAN EVER TAKE ANYONE TO. FUCKKKKKKKKK THEERE WAS PEOPLE WATING FOR HOURS TO GO IN.) Mando is literally dying on this wheel chair we got for him. Right in front of us and no one is doing anything about it. When you see the only person that really dose care and has showed they care about you dying in front of your eyes.. OMG. ... i cant explain that feeling. I count cry because then the girls would freak out. I had to pretend i was sober i couldn’t even talk. ( im diabetic ( i need insulin injections but i never take them) after all the shit i drank i felt like all of the sudden the room is getting darker) I was hitting my self on the face and punching Mando saying "com on brother wake up don’t pass out. im going to punch you again if you don’t" Reachel stars to free flow which was fucken funny and helped me zoomed out a little. We were sitting there for like 2 hours with NO HELP. my best friend looked so pale. Then i had to go and take Alex to her car which was at HIS house. We decided to take him home, and make him rest, We do that, he ends up staying outside his house. There was NO WAY i could get him in. So we drop him off and walk away. THAT RIGHT THERE has to be the ugliest feeling ever. Then I and the girls end up going to Mc Donnals and eating. We sat outside and realize how fucked up our life’s really are. How much are we willing to do before its too late. How much is TOO MUCH? Why do we do it every night? We then realize is Tuesday and we are far gone. We are totally wasted. I am fucked up trying to eat a burger.
First it was me, then Willy, then Mando, whose next? What will happen next that will make us not do it again the next night? Who will die before we realize what we are doing is only hurting us.? What’s the cost we need to pay in order to have "fun"? I don’t want those questions answer. I dont want to do this anymore
I dont want to lose my friends to a bottle. I dont want to miss out on things in life but cant because my state of mind is far from here.
DUDE WE NEED HELP!!!!!!! i NEED HELP.
I drink because I hate my self. I smoke because it makes me numb, I puke because im fat. I dont understand what happened. What made me turn out this way. I have nothing to my name. The only friends i got and i can depend on are few. Im alone, i have no one to call at night. I have nothing but a pillow telling me its okay and maybe tomorrow will be better. I smile because I can not cry. Last night I realize i have something good and i dont want to end up fucking my self before i get to it. that one good thing is the fact that I LOVE MY FRIENDS. AND CAPULET. Gosh they make me laugh so much, and Capulet is gorgeous hes the guy I been wishing existed all my life. Hopefully everything goes good and I later on can write blogs about him ja lol. Anyway my "VACATION IS OVER" im done damaging my self. I am done drinking to the max, i cant stop but i can sure stop my self from that. I am done drinking till i can’t remember, I am done smoking till i cant feel, and im done eating till i feel useless. ITS OVER!!! im BRAKING UP WITH MY BAD HABBITS. Thank you for making me realize that the only thing bad in my life is what im doing to my self. Thank you for making me realize I love life, and I love Mando and Reachel and Alex and even the little things in life. I LOVE EVERYTHING. im sorry! IM SORRY for not being the example that i should be, You guys look up to me and all i do is push you guys to the limit more. Im changing my ways. and fuckers this is DETOX WEEK!!! that’s right.. come up with shit to do besides the daily cuz im for sure NOT going to indulge my self in stupid liquid that kills ur brain cells.
So.. i know i wrote a book but sometimes its hard to say shit. I am letting you know about my life, Im getting old and I need change my life style. If you guys know me then you know what I always say "I AM JUST DOING THIS BECUAE I HAVE NOTHING WATING FOR ME. I NAVE NO ONE, NO OBLIGATIONS, NOTHING, SO UNTIL I FIND SOMETHING I THINK ITS WROTH IT THEN ILL STOP".. well I found my self saying that yesterday to someone that asked me why I do what I do. and suddenly I felt like i was LYING. to MYSELF>! I have a nice guy that I should keep on talking to more, I call him ROMEO. Gosh he’s so .... .. just his music taste is WOW, and he can play music... oh gosh and his eyes are to die for. I got good friends, and a lovely Scooter, and my kick ass computer and i am proud to say I BUILDT IT! I am fucken smart wtf am i waiting for?
MANDO IM GLAD YOU ARE STILL WITH US!1 I LOVE YOU MAN!! DONT DO THIS TO ME AGAIN.