erk muscular worries & dreams
so, I'm nearing the end of the 2nd week with my chiropractor and things are not looking so good. Today I went in and it was probably the most painful session yet, and though sometimes they say that getting better takes getting worse first, I wonder if I'm really making any progress.
Lately, the tightest and most painful spot on the muscles is somewhere near the shoulder blades. Today, the chiropractor (Dr. Osterhaut) was joking that he was going to get carpel tunnel at the end of the session and I could really feel him shaking while he was digging into the "rock hard" muscle (his words not mine). In the daytime, I don't really feel the stiffness or how hard the muscle is until he does the short massage and man was I in pain today. He usually starts by feeling around the muscle for the really affected areas and then pressing down really hard on that single focal point to loosen the muscle. Afterwards, he'll massage with this big massager and it usually feels better, but today I was so tender on those focal points that I could feel the pain there even when he was massaging the whole surface ._.;;
I asked Dr. Osterhaut and he said exercise and even a massage machine might help, so I'm doing what I can, even avoiding certain foods that I am sensitive to (according to a food sensitivity test I underwent a couple days ago). Anyway, a while ago my mom offered to help massage me, so I figured the offer was still open and asked. She just totally blew me off and said that she was already paying for me to see the chiropractor. I don't think she understands that he's not a miracle worker and it's not some hour-long intensive deep massage therapy or something; it's a quick 15 minute session that's just supposed to "take the edge" off of the pain and stiffness for the day. Sure, it's supposed to slowly do it's magic, but like I said the muscle stiffness hasn't really abated and the doctor agrees with me. It didn't do much for me today, but Dr. Osterhaut says that my body can only take so much abuse. He's worried because if this doesn't work, then all that's left is muscle relaxants really.
I don't know. I guess it just pisses me off that my mom compared my muscle problems with hers, at first asking why I needed to massage it more when I'd already gone to the chiropractor, and then saying that I could do it myself that's what she does when her back hurts. Her back is just a little strained... my back muscles won't stop fucking contracting... they just stiffen up and become rock hard and yet really tender and painful in this one spot. I can't really massage it on my own, because it hurts. It's kinda like... giving yourself a tattoo. You could probably take the pain if someone else did it, but doing it to yourself...
And anyway, I just wanted some help until it sorta got numb and I could do it. Another bad thing is that with all the muscle inflammation, my spine is supposedly getting pulled off whack as well due to the continuous pull from the contracted muscles. Don't I deserve some TLC? ;_;
On the brighter side, I've come bearing some ridiculous dreams...
Top Model vs American Idol???
Ok not really, but one dream I had a few nights ago had my dad seriously cracking up. I don't remember that much, but the beginning of my dream consciousness was like this...
I was on America's Next Top Model. (LOL) I have no idea how that happened and, in fact, quite a few times, I remember asking myself how that happened and wondering about it in the dream. I attribute this to the fact that I was close to waking and reality was attempting to reassert itself. Nevertheless, I was on top model and we were on a photo shoot at the beach. I remember vaguely talking with Miss (what's his name? The black cross-dressing runway coach??) and then playing on a weird set of white monkey bars off to the side while waiting for my turn to shoot.
There was another model there and she was trying to do a back handspring, which then prompted me to do a weird attempt at a back handspring, using the monkey bars to aid me. I failed miserably, and I recall feeling confused even in the dream as I got it totally wrong and basically did some sort of weird aerial, hanging bridge from the monkey bars. Anyway, after that I just started climbing all over the monkey bars like I used to when I was a kid, showing off my monkey bar prowess. Then our trainer came over (a girl) and came straight over to me, pointing at my belly and asking "What's this?!" I look down and see myself hanging out... "You can't skip out on training" and she walks off, shaking her head and looking upset.
I have another half-lucid thought of 'well, yeah. I AM fat.' and then 'I don't know how I got on top model in the first place', but in the dream I was very obviously there, so I had to have gotten on via some sort of criteria...
Then it was my turn to shoot (and this is where the humor comes in). I drop down and go for a quick roll in the sand to pose. You know, roll and then sprawl and pose. That sort of thing. Except, once I started rolling, I picked up too much momentum and rolled like 5 times, before stopping in a dizzy, messy heap, as opposed to the controlled turn I had aimed for. XD~~~ I looked up and all the photographers were nodding and agreeing amongst themselves , like they all expected said results, but I couldn't really tell if they were all expecting it would be that good or that crappy.
Then we ended up at this huge mansion and the thought breezed by that it was Hugh Hefner's mansion, but then that passed and I thought that it was MY mansion. All the top model people were having a little party there and I thought, "oh that's how I got onto top model." This is my house and they came here, so I ended up on the show. (perfectly logical) Then the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, Harry potter and the rest of the golden trio were at the door. Then I woke up.
In another dream I had...
I was in a classroom and was auditioning/participating in a singing contest where I had to just sing some random song. The only thing was, I had never seen the song before and had to pick it up via sight reading and hope it all went well when the pianist started @_@; I was so freaked out and when the song started, I realized the lyrics were so fast that I kept stumbling over them and had problems (thought luckily once the song started, I seemed to easily pick up the tune). The funniest part is that the pianist was my former english teacher from high school, but I can't remember her name (she used to eat dandelions.... Mrs. F-?). Anyway, the results were later posted and I totally failed. m(_ _)m
Then, I ended up in the high school pool area and I think I joined in after some random shower scenes. Then I was starting to wake up, and wondered why I was in high school when I'd already graduated from college. I started to feel really out of place and uncomfortable, and I wanted to run away before they realized I was really OLD. Then, out of nowhere, year-mate Adrian Hopper shows up and is like "yeah, I'm in college, but I'm helping out the team as a guest player/swimmer." And then woke up.
I think that last dream happened because someone else asked me about PCHS again and asked me what year I was in... I need to get myself a Michigan sweatshirt ._.;;;
Lately, the tightest and most painful spot on the muscles is somewhere near the shoulder blades. Today, the chiropractor (Dr. Osterhaut) was joking that he was going to get carpel tunnel at the end of the session and I could really feel him shaking while he was digging into the "rock hard" muscle (his words not mine). In the daytime, I don't really feel the stiffness or how hard the muscle is until he does the short massage and man was I in pain today. He usually starts by feeling around the muscle for the really affected areas and then pressing down really hard on that single focal point to loosen the muscle. Afterwards, he'll massage with this big massager and it usually feels better, but today I was so tender on those focal points that I could feel the pain there even when he was massaging the whole surface ._.;;
I asked Dr. Osterhaut and he said exercise and even a massage machine might help, so I'm doing what I can, even avoiding certain foods that I am sensitive to (according to a food sensitivity test I underwent a couple days ago). Anyway, a while ago my mom offered to help massage me, so I figured the offer was still open and asked. She just totally blew me off and said that she was already paying for me to see the chiropractor. I don't think she understands that he's not a miracle worker and it's not some hour-long intensive deep massage therapy or something; it's a quick 15 minute session that's just supposed to "take the edge" off of the pain and stiffness for the day. Sure, it's supposed to slowly do it's magic, but like I said the muscle stiffness hasn't really abated and the doctor agrees with me. It didn't do much for me today, but Dr. Osterhaut says that my body can only take so much abuse. He's worried because if this doesn't work, then all that's left is muscle relaxants really.
I don't know. I guess it just pisses me off that my mom compared my muscle problems with hers, at first asking why I needed to massage it more when I'd already gone to the chiropractor, and then saying that I could do it myself that's what she does when her back hurts. Her back is just a little strained... my back muscles won't stop fucking contracting... they just stiffen up and become rock hard and yet really tender and painful in this one spot. I can't really massage it on my own, because it hurts. It's kinda like... giving yourself a tattoo. You could probably take the pain if someone else did it, but doing it to yourself...
And anyway, I just wanted some help until it sorta got numb and I could do it. Another bad thing is that with all the muscle inflammation, my spine is supposedly getting pulled off whack as well due to the continuous pull from the contracted muscles. Don't I deserve some TLC? ;_;
On the brighter side, I've come bearing some ridiculous dreams...
Top Model vs American Idol???
Ok not really, but one dream I had a few nights ago had my dad seriously cracking up. I don't remember that much, but the beginning of my dream consciousness was like this...
I was on America's Next Top Model. (LOL) I have no idea how that happened and, in fact, quite a few times, I remember asking myself how that happened and wondering about it in the dream. I attribute this to the fact that I was close to waking and reality was attempting to reassert itself. Nevertheless, I was on top model and we were on a photo shoot at the beach. I remember vaguely talking with Miss (what's his name? The black cross-dressing runway coach??) and then playing on a weird set of white monkey bars off to the side while waiting for my turn to shoot.
There was another model there and she was trying to do a back handspring, which then prompted me to do a weird attempt at a back handspring, using the monkey bars to aid me. I failed miserably, and I recall feeling confused even in the dream as I got it totally wrong and basically did some sort of weird aerial, hanging bridge from the monkey bars. Anyway, after that I just started climbing all over the monkey bars like I used to when I was a kid, showing off my monkey bar prowess. Then our trainer came over (a girl) and came straight over to me, pointing at my belly and asking "What's this?!" I look down and see myself hanging out... "You can't skip out on training" and she walks off, shaking her head and looking upset.
I have another half-lucid thought of 'well, yeah. I AM fat.' and then 'I don't know how I got on top model in the first place', but in the dream I was very obviously there, so I had to have gotten on via some sort of criteria...
Then it was my turn to shoot (and this is where the humor comes in). I drop down and go for a quick roll in the sand to pose. You know, roll and then sprawl and pose. That sort of thing. Except, once I started rolling, I picked up too much momentum and rolled like 5 times, before stopping in a dizzy, messy heap, as opposed to the controlled turn I had aimed for. XD~~~ I looked up and all the photographers were nodding and agreeing amongst themselves , like they all expected said results, but I couldn't really tell if they were all expecting it would be that good or that crappy.
Then we ended up at this huge mansion and the thought breezed by that it was Hugh Hefner's mansion, but then that passed and I thought that it was MY mansion. All the top model people were having a little party there and I thought, "oh that's how I got onto top model." This is my house and they came here, so I ended up on the show. (perfectly logical) Then the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, Harry potter and the rest of the golden trio were at the door. Then I woke up.
In another dream I had...
I was in a classroom and was auditioning/participating in a singing contest where I had to just sing some random song. The only thing was, I had never seen the song before and had to pick it up via sight reading and hope it all went well when the pianist started @_@; I was so freaked out and when the song started, I realized the lyrics were so fast that I kept stumbling over them and had problems (thought luckily once the song started, I seemed to easily pick up the tune). The funniest part is that the pianist was my former english teacher from high school, but I can't remember her name (she used to eat dandelions.... Mrs. F-?). Anyway, the results were later posted and I totally failed. m(_ _)m
Then, I ended up in the high school pool area and I think I joined in after some random shower scenes. Then I was starting to wake up, and wondered why I was in high school when I'd already graduated from college. I started to feel really out of place and uncomfortable, and I wanted to run away before they realized I was really OLD. Then, out of nowhere, year-mate Adrian Hopper shows up and is like "yeah, I'm in college, but I'm helping out the team as a guest player/swimmer." And then woke up.
I think that last dream happened because someone else asked me about PCHS again and asked me what year I was in... I need to get myself a Michigan sweatshirt ._.;;;