Comically horrible week
My grandmother passed away Thursday night. We learnt she had terminal cancer in January, which is a story in and of itself, and after that her decline was shockingly rapid. Insofar as I can reconstruct the timeline, I was halfway through an 8-hour session of straight whiskey drinking and hashing out of emotional topics with an old friend (including but not limited to major family death). Went to bed at 5:30am, got up at 8:30am, got on the bus to work, received my mother's email informing me about my grandma, cried, got off the bus, got a coffee and croissant egg sandwich, took two Tylenols, and went into six straight conference calls before 2pm. Actually, the entire week has been straight conference calls 9-5, which is pretty impressive; a normal week for me is 25 hours of meetings, not 35. 35 means I have to write emails and review documents *while* on conference calls. Friday was the MEGA drop-deadline we'd been working toward since the start of the year, and there were the usual last-minute switcheroos and wrenches in gears, punctuated by background screaming whenever Canada scored a goal in Olympics hockey. By the afternoon it was mostly out of my hands, but there are people on the project who worked into the night and, I suspect, are working over the weekend to get tweaks in. The team is good; it probably did me more good to be in meetings with them all day than sit alone moping.
Other things that happened this week: my sister had to go in for two four-hour plasma transfusions for an autoimmune disorder diagnosed in early February. I started taking gingko biloba, St John's wort, and all my vitamins, because 1) I really cannot be sick right now, see above and 2) although $BIGTELCO's whole charitable endeavour *thing* is mental health and the insurance policy is accordingly generous, ironically I don't have time to set myself up with a therapist. I mean, nothing serious: the list of no-duh Sherlock causes for anxiety spikes, irritation, mental fatigue and general existential malaise is high. flemmings has done great with gingko, it seems like, and you can teach yourself to soothe yourself. (One of the best things you can do for a strongly metacognitive child is to teach them about Vulcan mind discipline, frankly. Not the shallow idea of the thing, but the way the books delve into it.)
Spoiler: it worked. It worked immediately and freakily well. The standard dosage for St John's wort is 300mg three times a day, and I basically just stuck to the minimum HIGHLY EFFECTIVE dose of one pill in the morning because o_O. The gingko also worked, in that thinking is generally easier, brain fog was setting in around 3pm and has been pushed back to 10-11pm where it belongs. I've lost all need for caffeine, which is probably the greatest thing because coffee and anxiety form a vicious cycle. (St John's wort, it turns out, is a dopamine reuptake inhibitor as well as serotonin - as I discovered when I drank that one coffee very slowly Friday morning. It gave me heart palpitations.) I've fallen back to one or two cups of tea a day; ten years of encroaching caffeine addiction erased at a swoop.
I feel much more like my normal self, which is to say I don't really have negative emotions. Which is worrisome for a couple of different reasons, to be honest.
I don't know what would happen if I take this combo for an extended period. Herbal remedies have always worked on me. Effectively, reliably, and with no side effects, once proper dosage is established; it's actual pharmaceuticals (including antibiotics, steroids, whatever) where I can't tell half the time if they're working or if I'm experiencing a placebo effect.
I have figured out how to add the footer on a crosspost! Go me! /rollsalot (Original post is here: http://petronia.dreamwidth.org/59696.html)
Other things that happened this week: my sister had to go in for two four-hour plasma transfusions for an autoimmune disorder diagnosed in early February. I started taking gingko biloba, St John's wort, and all my vitamins, because 1) I really cannot be sick right now, see above and 2) although $BIGTELCO's whole charitable endeavour *thing* is mental health and the insurance policy is accordingly generous, ironically I don't have time to set myself up with a therapist. I mean, nothing serious: the list of no-duh Sherlock causes for anxiety spikes, irritation, mental fatigue and general existential malaise is high. flemmings has done great with gingko, it seems like, and you can teach yourself to soothe yourself. (One of the best things you can do for a strongly metacognitive child is to teach them about Vulcan mind discipline, frankly. Not the shallow idea of the thing, but the way the books delve into it.)
Spoiler: it worked. It worked immediately and freakily well. The standard dosage for St John's wort is 300mg three times a day, and I basically just stuck to the minimum HIGHLY EFFECTIVE dose of one pill in the morning because o_O. The gingko also worked, in that thinking is generally easier, brain fog was setting in around 3pm and has been pushed back to 10-11pm where it belongs. I've lost all need for caffeine, which is probably the greatest thing because coffee and anxiety form a vicious cycle. (St John's wort, it turns out, is a dopamine reuptake inhibitor as well as serotonin - as I discovered when I drank that one coffee very slowly Friday morning. It gave me heart palpitations.) I've fallen back to one or two cups of tea a day; ten years of encroaching caffeine addiction erased at a swoop.
I feel much more like my normal self, which is to say I don't really have negative emotions. Which is worrisome for a couple of different reasons, to be honest.
I don't know what would happen if I take this combo for an extended period. Herbal remedies have always worked on me. Effectively, reliably, and with no side effects, once proper dosage is established; it's actual pharmaceuticals (including antibiotics, steroids, whatever) where I can't tell half the time if they're working or if I'm experiencing a placebo effect.
I have figured out how to add the footer on a crosspost! Go me! /rollsalot (Original post is here: http://petronia.dreamwidth.org/59696.html)