Another Forgotten Birthday

[petrelliheidi]

Heidi sat at the kitchen table waiting for her husband to come home from work. After spending the day with her children Nathan's mother kindly agreed to taking the boys off her hands for the evening so that she and Nathan could celebrate her birthday in peace

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[law_anddisorder]

"Heidi. You came back. Thank God," Nathan said, his voice groggy from both too little sleep and too much alcohol. He pushed himself up to a sitting position, wincing from the cuts on his hands.

"A fight?" He realized she meant the broken mirror. "Uh, yeah," he said sheepishly. "A fight with myself. He won." Nathan tried to smile, even though he had a splitting headache. He hoped Heidi knew how much he truly did love her; he knew for a fact that she still loved him. Her crystal-blue eyes were filled with concern for him, even after everything he'd done to her. Everything he'd not done for her.

"I didn't forget your birthday," he confessed suddenly. "I chose not to acknowledge it. God, what an asshole I've been. I am so sorry, baby."

Nathan reached out and caressed her cheek, trying to straighten out his thoughts enough to say exactly what he meant, the way he needed to say it. He was horrified to see that his outstretched hand shook slightly, his body's way of telling him it was time to lay off the alcohol before it became a cause of much bigger problems. Nathan took her hands in his, hoping she hadn't noticed.

Heidi looked as though she might say something, but Nathan wasn't done yet.

"I don't want you to forgive me. Not now. Not yet. Not until I can prove to you that I deserve it. I have to stop before it gets any worse, Heidi. I don't want to lose you," he sighed. "I almost put my hands on you. That's not me. That was the alcohol. And I'm finished with it. I'm finished with all of it. It's destroying everything that means everything to me."

[petrelliheidi]

He meant every word, Heidi could feel it. She liked this new ability, it may not have anything as grand as flying or moving objects with her mind but it certainly had its applications. "I know that wasn't you." She said quietly, it wouldn't have happened otherwise but maybe it was needed to shake him up. "You've never been fond of what I do for a living, I can understand that but I am here, you can talk to me."

Heidi moved her hand up and touched his face gingerly, it wasn't a large cut but it was noticeable. "That could use some tending to." He'd done an okay job but she could tell he wasn't at his best while trying to patch himself up. She went into the bathroom to get a cold compress for Nathan, it was there she saw Peter's watch on the basin. Heidi froze, had Nathan noticed it? No, if he had she was sure he would have mentioned it. She tucked it into her pocket, that was for another time. Heidi came back out and sat next to him, gently holding the washcloth to his cheek.

"So what do you want to do, Nathan? How are we going to move past this?" They needed to if they were going to get things back on track between them.

[law_anddisorder]

Nathan hadn't even thought to check his face for any cuts, because his own reflection was what got him into this mess, and he'd also been feeling no pain when it happened. Now? He felt like he'd been stung by a hundred angry bees.

"Oh, Christ. Is it bad? If it is I deserve it," Nathan said, reaching for her free hand while his always-loving wife tended to him. His fingers brushed over the large diamond on her fourth finger, and he smiled. He should consider it a miracle that she hadn't pitched her wedding ring into the garbage disposal or something.

"I have a drinking problem, Heidi. I need to get it under control before I really hurt you, or the kids, or even myself. I've been cheating on you. And neglecting you. I didn't even get you a birthday present," he continued, his voice nearly a whisper because of the intense shame these admissions brought. "The only thing I can give you is a promise: that I will try to fix what's wrong with me."

Nathan hoped to God she believed he could do it, because at this point, he didn't believe it himself. But if she believed in him, he could do anything, he was sure of it. He looked into her eyes, not even trying to hide the tears in his own; as long as he didn't blink he'd be all right.

"I want us to be happy again, baby. I want to be the man you married. I don't even know who he is anymore. But you deserve him, not this," he said, gesturing at himself, knowing he looked as pathetic as he felt.

[petrelliheidi]

"It's not that bad," Heidi reassured him, it was odd though to see him cut up like that, Nathan was always an anywhere but the face guy, even though he had the cute little scar on his chin that she adored, he had never been a fan. She continued to dab at his cuts lightly as he talked, it made her so happy to hear Nathan admit his faults, it wasn't something he did lightly. "I didn't need a present." It was never really about that. "I needed you."

Heidi believed him, even though he didn't seem that confident in himself. She desperately wanted to help him get better, be...maybe not the man he used to be but definitely a better version of himself than he was now. "The important thing is that you try, babe. You don't need that life, I mean are those flighty interns really what you want?" It came out of her mouth so quickly, she immediately regretted saying it, what if she didn't like his answer? She tried to push past it, not really wanting to hear his response.

"I love you." She said firmly. "You're an idiot, like a really big one but I do love you." Heidi nodded. "I remember that guy, cocky bastard he was but a charmer."

[law_anddisorder]

Nathan knew Heidi hadn't taken a cheap shot with her comment about the interns; she had a point. He only looked at them long enough to get them into bed. After that, it was strictly sex. No touching, no cuddling, certainly no sleeping in the same bed with them. They were just a dime a dozen. Not that explaining that to her would be worth it; it'd come out sounding like excuses, which would only make things worse.

Why did he need to sleep around when he was married to a woman he loved more than anything, a woman whom he considered his equal in every way? Heidi had laughed with him during the good times, cried with him during the hard ones. She had borne him his children, stayed faithfully by his side for more than ten years, and this was what he was doing to her in return?

And still she loved him. To hear Heidi say those words affected him more than he even realized it would, and he finally blinked.

"I'll try until I get it right. If you were gone, not only would I notice... I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I'd probably go hungry and run out of clean clothes," he said, laughing despite his tears. "I'd lose my mind, baby. I need you. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."

Nathan leaned forward to kiss her cheek gently, and breathed in the familiar scent of the perfume she wore, the expensive kind that lingered on him long after he made love to her. God only knew if he'd ever get that chance again.

"I love you too. I need you to help me get through this. I can't do it without you.

"First thing tomorrow, I'm going to a hardware store and installing a lock on the liquor cabinet, and giving you the key. Then I'm going to find the nearest AA meeting. I mean it, Heidi. I'm done. I'm tired of waking up feeling like shit in the morning. I'm tired of seeing you hurt and disappointed in me. My brother fucking hates me. My sons barely even know me."

[petrelliheidi]

While Heidi was happy with her husband's progress she felt conflicted, earlier that evening she was in this bed with another man, one who bore a striking resemblance to the man sitting next to her. She should tell him, god, that would be a stupid idea, Heidi could only guess what his reaction would be, he would probably break everything in the house.

Heidi shrugged. "I don't know, your mom would've come by to check on you eventually, or Peter." He might have been angry at Nathan now but she knew it was only on the surface, deep down he loved and idolized his brother. "Rolled you over, slapped some sense into you." Heidi gave an undignified snort at his next words. "A hardware store? When have you ever been to a hardware store?" He hadn't while they had been married, that was for sure. "Or we could just you know, flush the alcohol down the toilet, or is that too extreme?" She squeezed his hand. "Peter doesn't hate you, he's just angry maybe your angry unhappy vibe has been rubbing off on everyone else?" Heidi felt maybe that had been the case. "As for the kids, they want to know you, Nathan, they're wonderful boys and they want to spend time with their father."