Depression strikes very lightly this time!
Well i wont lie... for the past couple days i have felt a tremendous amount of sorrow, grief, guilt, and maybe even a tad regret... but i decided id take a risk there wasnt much else for me to do. So i started talking to Marcelo.. and well at first he had me really thinking bad on myself... i felt that if there was a god.. he certainly had taken a shit on me. I was so guilty feeling and regretful i had teary eyes and all... even a single tear streaked my cheek.. i felt aweful... but as the convo continued... he made me realize that i have a will and a choice to make all the time. That it was my decission. No one can take that from me. And not to forget about Karla and the love me and her shared. It doesnt come around all the time and to cherish the thoughts... but as he said i have a will and a choice. And i chose Ashley. As dicky as it sounds.. I made the choice and i plan to live with it. If me and Ashley dont work... *shrug* I tried so thats the best i could have accomplished. Just liek Karla.. i dont think of me and her as a failure at all. I think of it as an attempted love. And you know... maybe me and her arent done. *shrug* who knows. Only time will tell. I know i will always have very strong feelings for her but you know... Well had i not talked to Marcelo i wouldnt be like this right now. Id still be confused and feeling horrible. Althought he had me scared and a lil morose at the beginning of the talk.. he now has me feeling like a million dollars. Marcelo is a great guy! I hope me and him carry on in our friendship for a long while.