Ex-boyfriend to me: Yeah, Beckett and I were the same year [in Houston]. He and his 98 MPH fastball got more press than me and my 80 MPH forkball
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speaking of major leaguers back in the day, the day of high school, this weekend i found out that my brother's girlfriend WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS ZITO--AT THE SAME TIME AS ZITO.
she didn't know him, but she knew of him, and i definitely flipped with jealousy.
and then my bro outlined what would have been the ideal scenario--girlfriend hooks up with the zeet, everything's going good, until she meets my bro and he totally steals her away (as is his special talent, apparently), and zeet's all heartbroken or whatever, and my bro, upstanding young girlfriend-stealing fella that he is, says, hey, man, i gotcha back, lemme introduce you to this kid sister of mine who will ease your pain. and i'd dazzle him with my charms and he wouldn't even have a chance.
and then we'd all double-date and go out for malteds or something.
i was seriously like, dude, build a time machine so we can make this dream a reality!
the only famous peeps who went to my high school were third eye blind (which is, like, kinda lame). and they were totally speed freaks (semi-charmed kind of life? crystal meth and oral sex, is all that song's about), so we definitely woulda hung out.
goddamn it, that shit's gonna be stuck in my head for the rest of the week now.
what are the odds that zito had a mullet at some point in his childhood?petitioAugust 2 2004, 14:52:01 UTC
Keri and I have this theory that Zito didn't lose his virginity -- I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE THAT HE TOLD SPORTS ILLUSTATED ABOUT THAT, MUCH LESS LET THEM WRITE ABOUT IT HOLY JESUS -- until he went to college because he 1) was absolutely gross in high school 2) and relatedly, was such a giant pot-head that he was not interested in the ladies when, dude, he could be on the beach or on the diamond or in that sweet sweet bowl.
You clearly need to go back in time and rewrite history. Because, I mean, bone structure like that just doesn't bust out of nowhere.
You also clearly need to get your brother's girlfriend to bust out her yearbook. I would pay cold hard cash for pictures of Zito from high school.
the kid with the first comment, that icon . . . oh zito. could you BE more grew-up-in-the-mid-80s-in-southern-california? it's better than the rat tail, but not by much.
yeah, the boy is shameless, telling SI that shit. man, i hope the rest of the guys teased him mercilessly about it until he cried like a girl.
also, the theory of lazy pothead is a good one, but who are these girls who knew him back then and didn't take the initiative themselves? i mean, he couldn't have been *that* skeezified, cos he'd already reached a respectable level of hotness by college.
i betcha his hair was hippie-long, though. irregardless! stupid san diego girls . . . take matters into your own damn hands and molest the boy while he's blazed and watching the simpsons! it's not hard!
Maybe the explanation is that Zito was so utterly floating that he didn't realize/doesn't remember his first time having sex. "Um, yeah, there was this kinda weird feeling, but it weird but not in a bad way, and yeah, man. That was some really good shit you gave me, man."
"Barry, I'm a girl, and that's called a blowjob."
"Can I get a dime bag of that, man? Is it more of that shit from Canada?"
I also hear that guys as tall as Zito tend to be pretty short for years and years and then suddenly shoot up, like, a foot in the course of a summer. The thought of a short, scruffy, pothead Zito with a long-ass rat-tail in a disugsting vomit tan and poo brown sweater -- but oh man, didn't any of those girls see him drop a curve? Can you imagine what it would've done to high schoolers?
zito says, why did i give up sex for pot and pot for baseballcandle_beckAugust 2 2004, 19:48:30 UTC
and i say, foolish zeet.
i could deal with him short scruffy and stoned. although not with the rat-tail. well. maybe i could overlook the rat-tail. or cut it off while he's sleeping.
dude, you know what's better than the curve dropping against high schoolers--the curve dropping against twelve year olds. i seen home movies of zeet pitching in little league, it was funny as shit cos his motion has not changed a whit, it was basically modern-day zito except travel-sized.
but now he's gotten all clean-cut. i miss the mophead.
Re: zito says, why did i give up sex for pot and pot for baseballpetitioAugust 4 2004, 08:31:15 UTC
Two pieces of Zito-related hysteria:
1. Barry Zito apparently spent his off-day in NYC exploring Greenwich Village. At night, he went to a launch party for a new line of underwear by one of his sponsors, Puma. I would doubt the veracity of this were it not for the fact that MLB.com was reporting this, ahdhahahah oh, Barry :D
2. The Show to be Named Later. Zito. Live. 1PM EST, 10AM PST. You are probably in bed but !!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAN OH MAN.
wait what the fuckcandle_beckAugust 4 2004, 17:09:25 UTC
um! puma underwear line? are they kiiiiidding me? i saw that on the a's website and yeah, don't give a filthy mind like mine something like that to think about. jeez.
i don't even know what the show to be named later is. which makes me upset, but i guess i already missed it, so no worries.
huddy and zeet are being really rather adorable in the dugout. zito keeps messing with his watch for some reason, and huddy totally keeps nudging him and being all distracting (no one quite as distracting as timothy).
ps, what's with the constant pushback of hudson's return. it worries a kid like rich harden's lack of fastball location worries a kid.
she didn't know him, but she knew of him, and i definitely flipped with jealousy.
and then my bro outlined what would have been the ideal scenario--girlfriend hooks up with the zeet, everything's going good, until she meets my bro and he totally steals her away (as is his special talent, apparently), and zeet's all heartbroken or whatever, and my bro, upstanding young girlfriend-stealing fella that he is, says, hey, man, i gotcha back, lemme introduce you to this kid sister of mine who will ease your pain. and i'd dazzle him with my charms and he wouldn't even have a chance.
and then we'd all double-date and go out for malteds or something.
i was seriously like, dude, build a time machine so we can make this dream a reality!
the only famous peeps who went to my high school were third eye blind (which is, like, kinda lame). and they were totally speed freaks (semi-charmed kind of life? crystal meth and oral sex, is all that song's about), so we definitely woulda hung out.
goddamn it, that shit's gonna be stuck in my head for the rest of the week now.
Reply
You clearly need to go back in time and rewrite history. Because, I mean, bone structure like that just doesn't bust out of nowhere.
You also clearly need to get your brother's girlfriend to bust out her yearbook. I would pay cold hard cash for pictures of Zito from high school.
Reply
and, yeah, little boy zito with a mullet? check it: http://www.livejournal.com/users/bradausmus12/415459.html
the kid with the first comment, that icon . . . oh zito. could you BE more grew-up-in-the-mid-80s-in-southern-california? it's better than the rat tail, but not by much.
yeah, the boy is shameless, telling SI that shit. man, i hope the rest of the guys teased him mercilessly about it until he cried like a girl.
also, the theory of lazy pothead is a good one, but who are these girls who knew him back then and didn't take the initiative themselves? i mean, he couldn't have been *that* skeezified, cos he'd already reached a respectable level of hotness by college.
i betcha his hair was hippie-long, though. irregardless! stupid san diego girls . . . take matters into your own damn hands and molest the boy while he's blazed and watching the simpsons! it's not hard!
jeez, i can't keep giving out these free lessons.
Reply
"Barry, I'm a girl, and that's called a blowjob."
"Can I get a dime bag of that, man? Is it more of that shit from Canada?"
I also hear that guys as tall as Zito tend to be pretty short for years and years and then suddenly shoot up, like, a foot in the course of a summer. The thought of a short, scruffy, pothead Zito with a long-ass rat-tail in a disugsting vomit tan and poo brown sweater -- but oh man, didn't any of those girls see him drop a curve? Can you imagine what it would've done to high schoolers?
Reply
i could deal with him short scruffy and stoned. although not with the rat-tail. well. maybe i could overlook the rat-tail. or cut it off while he's sleeping.
dude, you know what's better than the curve dropping against high schoolers--the curve dropping against twelve year olds. i seen home movies of zeet pitching in little league, it was funny as shit cos his motion has not changed a whit, it was basically modern-day zito except travel-sized.
but now he's gotten all clean-cut. i miss the mophead.
Reply
1. Barry Zito apparently spent his off-day in NYC exploring Greenwich Village. At night, he went to a launch party for a new line of underwear by one of his sponsors, Puma. I would doubt the veracity of this were it not for the fact that MLB.com was reporting this, ahdhahahah oh, Barry :D
2. The Show to be Named Later. Zito. Live. 1PM EST, 10AM PST. You are probably in bed but !!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAN OH MAN.
Reply
i don't even know what the show to be named later is. which makes me upset, but i guess i already missed it, so no worries.
huddy and zeet are being really rather adorable in the dugout. zito keeps messing with his watch for some reason, and huddy totally keeps nudging him and being all distracting (no one quite as distracting as timothy).
ps, what's with the constant pushback of hudson's return. it worries a kid like rich harden's lack of fastball location worries a kid.
Reply
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