'forget regret, or life is yours to miss...'
i have made a decision: i am going to enjoy being single. and, i am going to be incredibly picky about my next boy. (sorry ben, no little chair babies)
these are my criteria: smart, funny, attractive, NOT AN ACTOR, maybe a musican (preferable not), and STRAIGHT!! i am swearing off those bi-curious boys
oh, i dont know. i mean, i cant date a footballer or something, i'd die. i like being able to discuss theatre with my dates. i think i'd like him to be a painter or a poet. that would be nice. i like guys with a softer side (which is probably why i date bi-curious men) alas, i have not met any guys who fulfill my requirements. a painter would be nice, now that i am thinking about it, because miles wrote songs about me, and ian wrote poems. (although i do have a weakness for both. thats a good way to make me feel loved, boys!) but a painting would be cool. a sketch or maybe an abstract work...
are there any painters at wagner?? there were so many V.A. majors at Purchase. maybe i should have stayed....yeah right!
*sigh* is it sad that the one thing that i want more than anything is the one thing that i can never have? all i have wanted, my whole life, was unconditional love and a safe place to live. the unconditional love doesnt even have to be from someone that i am in a sexual relationship with, although that would be incredibly nice. i just want one person who loves me BEST and puts me first, and i want a place to live that no one can ever kick me out of. all of my bf's have hated my parents, and offered to let me live with them...but once we break up, i lose that safe place. only two of my relationships were long term, and both boys wanted to get married and both wanted me to skip college and move in with them. after the endings of both relationships i felt guilty, like if only i had given up college, we would still be together. maybe if i had lived with them, i might have been able to make the relationship work.
i have such a perverse nature. i am theatre trash. i love every musical, every straight play. i would spend my last few dollars to see some crappy show. i love every aspect of theatre, from street performers to Broadway actors. i will probably, if i am lucky, end up a gypsy, traveling from one show to the next, struggling to pay the rent, and moving from one horrid apartment to the next. and all i really want is love and stablility- the two things that the theatre world can never give me.
this was long, too long...sorry. if there are any straight boys out there...the way to my heart is through song, poetry, prose, or paintings. i like my boys talented. thats it for now. leave some love....