I'm in repair. I'm not together but I'm getting there.
I haven't updated in a long time for me... I've been so busy lately. I mean, sometimes my day is like this: wake up 7:30 to get ready for dance, dance from 9-12 run to the dorm to get my art portfolio, run to the art room, have art classes till 6, run back to the dorm, do some hw, eat, go to a community service club meeting from 8-9/9:30ish, go back to the dorm, do more hw, sleep. Sometimes i feel like dying in class. It's difficult to stay awake. I'm always busy. But I love college. I feel like I really fit in here. I've been alot less depressed lately and my mom and I aren't fighting as much. My roomate and I decided that we really were made for each other. haha We have so much fun together and just get along really well. We also both get OCD about cleaning our dorm room haha. if one thing is on the floor we'll be like "AH! It's such a mess!!!" and other people are like "WTF?! your room is the cleanest I've seen!" i'm proud of myself with that because at home my room is always messy.
So, two of my guy friends like me...but i don't like them that way. One is vegetarian, is a yoga instructor, into holistic remedies (like acupuncture, reiki, chinese herbs, meditation) which all sounds exactly what i always look for in a guy. The problem is I'm not physically attracted to him...at all. I feel bad...almost like I should, but my others friends who are friends with him said they understand why I'm not attracted to him that way. He tried to kiss me a few weeks ago...awkward. I had a hoodie on and was actually wearing the hood cause i was cold and he yanked the hood down over my eyes, and simultaneously put his hands behind my neck and pulled me towards him...i immediately pulled away. I was sorta in a state of shock after that. I didn't know what to make of it. He didn't get the hint after that so eventually...well...lets just say I handled the situation in a way that would hurt him the least possibly. What sucks is that I think his suitemate is really cute, and I kinda like him- not a full fledged crush though. He's in my dance classes and he's an acting major. My other guy friend that likes me lives down the hall. He constantly visits. Alot of the time I'm not even there. Lisa, my roomie, will just ktell me that he came by a bunch of times to see if I was in the room. He's from Nigeria and has a cool accent, but sometimes it's difficult to understand him. But I'm not attracted to him either. And I think his roomie's cute. haha I just don't like that he smokes pot everyday and drinks quite a bit. bleh I'm giving up on relationships. I decided I don't neccesarily mind, though. I'm so busy anyway and I kinda like lately not being involved in anything. And I don't have an actual crush on anyone. I've been having relapses lately, thinking about what it would be like if Justin and I were still together. Just when I thought I was finally over him. But then again, the fact that I was with him so long explains why it's still hard. Especially the fact that we talked about getting married- he brought it up first actually, and I have proof in notes and cards and stuff at home. Becca looked at it and was like "he's a fucking douchebag" cause he said all that and didn't really mean it. Sometimes I wonder if I trust people too easily. I trusted him. I honestly thought that I would be spending the rest of my life with him. It's been hard to get out of that mindset. I think I just miss the comfort of being in a longterm relationship. I get the urge sometimes to IM him and be like "HEY JACKASS! DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE APOLOGIZING WOULD'VE BEEN A GOOD IDEA?! MAYBE I WOULD'VE BEEN FRIENDS WITH YOU THEN, BUT NO! INSTEAD YOU'RE AN IMMATURE JERK/DICK/MANWHORE WHO LIES AND I HOPE YOU FAIL OUT OF COLLEGE AND LIFE!" oh man. i really do still have alot of bottled up anger...
I should get off this topic...
So, dance. It's ALOT better. I actually love dance now. and the teacher, Frank- who I originally despised. I found out he's fucking famous. I looked him up on google. He's also in a video of giselle on youtube. look him up- Frank Augustyn. do it. do it. (spoken in ben stiller's voice in starsky and hutch). I'm improving so much. For the first time I'm being told hat I can reverse the problem with my short achilles/tendons. Apparently Frank and my teacher Jen had the same problem and fixed it. They're both working with me on it...along with a bunch of other things I was apparently taught incorrectly. I'm also taking modern which I'm not as good at as I am at ballet, but I still absolutely love it. Frank is a really great teacher. He can be strict as hell, but he shows that he really cares about the students, gives great corrections, and explains his corrections and a little background history.
So I prob won't be writing entries too often because I always have a ton of work. This weekend is homecoming...well this entire week has been, but tomorrow parents come, saturday night i'm going home and sunday i have a family party. I hope I'll be able to squeeze in seeing alison and becca who'll be back for the weekend. Unfortunately, I don't have off Monday.
So, two of my guy friends like me...but i don't like them that way. One is vegetarian, is a yoga instructor, into holistic remedies (like acupuncture, reiki, chinese herbs, meditation) which all sounds exactly what i always look for in a guy. The problem is I'm not physically attracted to him...at all. I feel bad...almost like I should, but my others friends who are friends with him said they understand why I'm not attracted to him that way. He tried to kiss me a few weeks ago...awkward. I had a hoodie on and was actually wearing the hood cause i was cold and he yanked the hood down over my eyes, and simultaneously put his hands behind my neck and pulled me towards him...i immediately pulled away. I was sorta in a state of shock after that. I didn't know what to make of it. He didn't get the hint after that so eventually...well...lets just say I handled the situation in a way that would hurt him the least possibly. What sucks is that I think his suitemate is really cute, and I kinda like him- not a full fledged crush though. He's in my dance classes and he's an acting major. My other guy friend that likes me lives down the hall. He constantly visits. Alot of the time I'm not even there. Lisa, my roomie, will just ktell me that he came by a bunch of times to see if I was in the room. He's from Nigeria and has a cool accent, but sometimes it's difficult to understand him. But I'm not attracted to him either. And I think his roomie's cute. haha I just don't like that he smokes pot everyday and drinks quite a bit. bleh I'm giving up on relationships. I decided I don't neccesarily mind, though. I'm so busy anyway and I kinda like lately not being involved in anything. And I don't have an actual crush on anyone. I've been having relapses lately, thinking about what it would be like if Justin and I were still together. Just when I thought I was finally over him. But then again, the fact that I was with him so long explains why it's still hard. Especially the fact that we talked about getting married- he brought it up first actually, and I have proof in notes and cards and stuff at home. Becca looked at it and was like "he's a fucking douchebag" cause he said all that and didn't really mean it. Sometimes I wonder if I trust people too easily. I trusted him. I honestly thought that I would be spending the rest of my life with him. It's been hard to get out of that mindset. I think I just miss the comfort of being in a longterm relationship. I get the urge sometimes to IM him and be like "HEY JACKASS! DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE APOLOGIZING WOULD'VE BEEN A GOOD IDEA?! MAYBE I WOULD'VE BEEN FRIENDS WITH YOU THEN, BUT NO! INSTEAD YOU'RE AN IMMATURE JERK/DICK/MANWHORE WHO LIES AND I HOPE YOU FAIL OUT OF COLLEGE AND LIFE!" oh man. i really do still have alot of bottled up anger...
I should get off this topic...
So, dance. It's ALOT better. I actually love dance now. and the teacher, Frank- who I originally despised. I found out he's fucking famous. I looked him up on google. He's also in a video of giselle on youtube. look him up- Frank Augustyn. do it. do it. (spoken in ben stiller's voice in starsky and hutch). I'm improving so much. For the first time I'm being told hat I can reverse the problem with my short achilles/tendons. Apparently Frank and my teacher Jen had the same problem and fixed it. They're both working with me on it...along with a bunch of other things I was apparently taught incorrectly. I'm also taking modern which I'm not as good at as I am at ballet, but I still absolutely love it. Frank is a really great teacher. He can be strict as hell, but he shows that he really cares about the students, gives great corrections, and explains his corrections and a little background history.
So I prob won't be writing entries too often because I always have a ton of work. This weekend is homecoming...well this entire week has been, but tomorrow parents come, saturday night i'm going home and sunday i have a family party. I hope I'll be able to squeeze in seeing alison and becca who'll be back for the weekend. Unfortunately, I don't have off Monday.