Falling apart in the most literal way
For the past two or three weeks one of my front teeth has been slowly dying.
"Was there some major trauma to your mouth? Like...a car accident or something?" is a question I usually hear the first time a dentist takes a look at my x-rays. Every time I have to say that no, nothing, and they always give that look, pursed lips and raised eyebrows, like they don't quite believe me. The roots of my front teeth are practically non-existent, having been reabsorbed into my jaw for no apparent reason, in a process that is usually indicative of major disease or trauma.
But I've come through life unscathed.
Sometimes I think my teeth are some sort of dental picture of Dorian Gray. The rest of my body is sickeningly healthy. Never a broken bone, never a lingering illness. But the teeth. Overlarge and crooked even after $5000 worth of orthodontia, yellowing and worn despite impeccable oral hygiene, daily flossing so diligent oral hygienists are actually taken aback by the complete lack of tartar buildup.
And yet my tooth is dying. All of them are, actually, but I have an optimistic 20 years before they physically part ways with my mouth.
This tooth is making its escape. It is actually slowly emerging from the shiny pink healthy gums, dropping low and with quite a lot of pain. I didn't take any painkillers after I had surgery to have my wisdom teeth removed (they weren't even causing any trouble). But this necessitates 4 Advil at a time, three times a day just so I can eat and sleep. When I wake up in the morning I sometimes fancy my kidneys hurt.
Replacing the tooth would cost at least $3,000. Insurance wouldn't cover it even if I had it.
A titanium rod is screwed into the empty socket and left to fuse to your jaw. It takes six months for the osteoblasts to swarm and adhere to the metal surface, embracing it as though it were one of their own. This fusion is a process unique to titanium. For six months, there must be no pressure, no impacts to the titanium rod. A loose cap can be placed over it, but must be removed for sleeping and eating. During this time the patient presumably looks like a James Bond villain.
After six months, the rod is checked to see if it has implanted successfully. If it spins freely in place, it has failed. This would necessitate an expensive bone graft, taken from either my chin or my pelvis's iliac crest or a cadaver. Yes, a dead body. Another six months of villainesque grins, and finally the implant is done. A resin or porcelain cap is placed over the titanium rod. Porcelain looks better, but the fact that I grind my teeth at night means it would probably crack within weeks, so I will probably get a plastic tooth.
There is a cheaper option--a bridge. It is impossible for me, because the stress on the teeth on either side of the gap would be the tipping point that kills them, too. Only my very back molars are completely stable, apparently.
I was going to get my tooth removed last weekend until I found out how expensive the implant would be. Instead was put on a seven-day course of antibiotics instead to kill the active infection. I thought it was odd, since amoxicillin courses are usually 10 days, but when I was done I was completely pain free. I hoped it would stay for a few months until I could arrange to finally start the implant process. Five days later, the infection was apparently back and I've gone back on Advil.
I'm going to have to get the tooth removed anyway. I guess I'll be rocking the Amy Winehouse look until then.
Why couldn't it have been my kidney instead?
Me for the next few months
"Was there some major trauma to your mouth? Like...a car accident or something?" is a question I usually hear the first time a dentist takes a look at my x-rays. Every time I have to say that no, nothing, and they always give that look, pursed lips and raised eyebrows, like they don't quite believe me. The roots of my front teeth are practically non-existent, having been reabsorbed into my jaw for no apparent reason, in a process that is usually indicative of major disease or trauma.
But I've come through life unscathed.
Sometimes I think my teeth are some sort of dental picture of Dorian Gray. The rest of my body is sickeningly healthy. Never a broken bone, never a lingering illness. But the teeth. Overlarge and crooked even after $5000 worth of orthodontia, yellowing and worn despite impeccable oral hygiene, daily flossing so diligent oral hygienists are actually taken aback by the complete lack of tartar buildup.
And yet my tooth is dying. All of them are, actually, but I have an optimistic 20 years before they physically part ways with my mouth.
This tooth is making its escape. It is actually slowly emerging from the shiny pink healthy gums, dropping low and with quite a lot of pain. I didn't take any painkillers after I had surgery to have my wisdom teeth removed (they weren't even causing any trouble). But this necessitates 4 Advil at a time, three times a day just so I can eat and sleep. When I wake up in the morning I sometimes fancy my kidneys hurt.
Replacing the tooth would cost at least $3,000. Insurance wouldn't cover it even if I had it.
A titanium rod is screwed into the empty socket and left to fuse to your jaw. It takes six months for the osteoblasts to swarm and adhere to the metal surface, embracing it as though it were one of their own. This fusion is a process unique to titanium. For six months, there must be no pressure, no impacts to the titanium rod. A loose cap can be placed over it, but must be removed for sleeping and eating. During this time the patient presumably looks like a James Bond villain.
After six months, the rod is checked to see if it has implanted successfully. If it spins freely in place, it has failed. This would necessitate an expensive bone graft, taken from either my chin or my pelvis's iliac crest or a cadaver. Yes, a dead body. Another six months of villainesque grins, and finally the implant is done. A resin or porcelain cap is placed over the titanium rod. Porcelain looks better, but the fact that I grind my teeth at night means it would probably crack within weeks, so I will probably get a plastic tooth.
There is a cheaper option--a bridge. It is impossible for me, because the stress on the teeth on either side of the gap would be the tipping point that kills them, too. Only my very back molars are completely stable, apparently.
I was going to get my tooth removed last weekend until I found out how expensive the implant would be. Instead was put on a seven-day course of antibiotics instead to kill the active infection. I thought it was odd, since amoxicillin courses are usually 10 days, but when I was done I was completely pain free. I hoped it would stay for a few months until I could arrange to finally start the implant process. Five days later, the infection was apparently back and I've gone back on Advil.
I'm going to have to get the tooth removed anyway. I guess I'll be rocking the Amy Winehouse look until then.
Why couldn't it have been my kidney instead?
Me for the next few months