Interesting take on mother-issues...
In the womb, my mother and I were united as one. When I was an infant, that merged union was still there as I was totally dependent on her for my survival.
Since I have grown, I no longer have that union with her but still desire that oneness with another individual.
Since my mother is someone who sees the world only through her eyes and writes the scripts for others' lives- she is unable to understand her impact on the people around her.
As a result of this narcissistic behavior where my mother only sees me as a reflection of her own self-worth as opposed to my own separate person, I am covertly told that it is not ok to forge my own identity nor is it ok to be myself.
In turn, when I disagree with my mother, fall in love with someone else, or turn out to be someone she does not want me to be-- then I am hurting her. My partner in that original union.
So because I do not want to hurt her, I struggle to find my authentic self. I instead turn out to be someone seeking her approval as opposed to my own separate individual.
This all makes me feel that I am responsible for her (and in turn, other people's) happiness.
So as a result, relationships are extremely difficult because:
I fear being my authentic self.
I fear bringing up conflict.
I fear having an opinion.
In order to avoid having constant push-pulling relationships and/or no relationships at all, I must separate from my mother emotionally. I have done this, but am now experiencing a symptom of withdrawal called GUILT. This guilt is simply a mask for the rage and anger I have towards my mother. I must release this rage and anger, I must release this guilt in order to truly separate from my mother and become available for another union in the form of a relationship.
Since I have grown, I no longer have that union with her but still desire that oneness with another individual.
Since my mother is someone who sees the world only through her eyes and writes the scripts for others' lives- she is unable to understand her impact on the people around her.
As a result of this narcissistic behavior where my mother only sees me as a reflection of her own self-worth as opposed to my own separate person, I am covertly told that it is not ok to forge my own identity nor is it ok to be myself.
In turn, when I disagree with my mother, fall in love with someone else, or turn out to be someone she does not want me to be-- then I am hurting her. My partner in that original union.
So because I do not want to hurt her, I struggle to find my authentic self. I instead turn out to be someone seeking her approval as opposed to my own separate individual.
This all makes me feel that I am responsible for her (and in turn, other people's) happiness.
So as a result, relationships are extremely difficult because:
I fear being my authentic self.
I fear bringing up conflict.
I fear having an opinion.
In order to avoid having constant push-pulling relationships and/or no relationships at all, I must separate from my mother emotionally. I have done this, but am now experiencing a symptom of withdrawal called GUILT. This guilt is simply a mask for the rage and anger I have towards my mother. I must release this rage and anger, I must release this guilt in order to truly separate from my mother and become available for another union in the form of a relationship.