(no subject)
Today has been crazy. I felt like complete shit. yeah, im sick but thats not quite it. I broke up with Michael, and I miss him so much already. I had to break up with him after I saw the texts he sent to Madison, but still I cant help thinking that she had something more to do with this than I originally thought. Its like she still has feelings for him or something and cant take us being together. If thats the case i'de be pretty pissed. Why does so much drama and confusion come from being this gurls friend? its insane. I've never had to put up with this much stuff. its horrible. I know this sounds incredibly cheesy, but I hate the thought of never hugging or kissing Michael again. I really believe I luved that guy. He was my first real relationship. True it only lasted a month and a half, but I really thought we had something. I was already thinking about taking our relationship to the next level, if you catch my drift, and that takes alot of trust, which I totally felt with him. hmm... things happen for a reason, and there has to be one behind all this. Either that or im just a horrible person and being punished for that. but im not that bad, so ill go with the first one. I just wish I could understand everything and know the right way to go. I want to get back together w/ him, but that would start more issues, and I know a certain friend who would give me the cold shoulder if that were to happen. Man, either way I lose. It always comes down to me choosing between a friend and a boyfriend. I want so badly to go back to being the quiet gurl in clarkston who never had boyfriends, or was included in all the drama. I always wanted to be the opposite, and now that that's happened I want it to go away. there has to be some place in between. But I suppose there's no such thing as perfection. I find myself constantly looking for that perfection. The perfect clothes, friends, and all the in betweens. god, how does a simple entry turn into all this deep thought? Idk, but it feels good to think about everything. This is all truly how I feel. I thought moving down here would give me the chance to be someone different, to start over and just have everything the way I want it, and alot has changed for the better, just not fully to my standards. Right now I need to work on getting things just the way I like it. I dont know how exactly im going to do that, but it has to happen. Tonights gunna be long. I have so much to contemplate. I suppose im off to do that. peace yall<3's