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[peter_yorn]

the woman is demanding an update. its unfortunate because i loathe updating. i don't see how the details of my life are at all entertaining to any of you. i always feel like i am writing the same old shit here. what have i been doing this past month, same, writing, recording, working on developing my recording company further etc etc. for

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[c_carpenter]

You know what living with you has taught me? Words are cheap. We praise God and curse his creation with the same tongue. We say we love someone, hate someone, want someone, all within ten minutes. Talk is cheap and there's too much of it.

And maybe talking about it would only devalue it. Would only cheapen the emotion I see when I look in your eyes. I don't know that words do it justice, and I don't know I've ever thought they could. I used to need your words to affirm what your eyes screamed, but now your touch, the tone in your voice, the way you look at me tells me everything I need to know. And if the words never come, it won't make me doubt.

As for meeting your family, I was so honored to be a part of it. There is no question that this little boy will have amazing grandparents, and aunts and uncles. That is, if you want them to be that. I didn't expect it to be so comfortable either and I look back and laugh at the memory, and I wonder how I could have thought the family that raised you would be any different. How could I have doubted them and trusted you? It was silly but I'm so relieved we all got along. And I'm definitely happy that your mom has been as supportive as she has through this.

This journaling gets easier. Practice makes perfect.

And what room? I was actually thinking the walls of my closet would be cool. Wake up every morning and get dressed looking at you. I don't know if it would freak me out to see a few hundred pairs of your penetrating eyes staring at me. So far, one pair makes me shiver with emotion.

[peter_yorn]

charisma, if there was one thing i could have wished to teach you that would have been it. this is essentially why i have issues with those words, and have never really been able to explain it, but i'm glad you see it, and appreciate it. people throw the love word around so much that it has lost its meaning. ya i love my coffee in the morning, but i'm not in love with it. too many confuse loving someone with being in love. the two however rarely go together these days. although love can be beautiful etc, i don't think it could ever be as beautiful as what i feel for you. i have been searching for any words that i could give you some sort of comfort with, but i simple don't think they exist.

[c_carpenter]

I have all the comfort I could possibly need in your arms. I have every reassurance in your smile and in your tenderness. You've stood by me through dark and light, hard and easy and if that isn't the greatest testimony of all, i don't know what is.

Love shouldn't be an emotion we talk about and profess. It should be a promise that we live every day. Thank you for showing me how to do that. Thank you for believing in me when no one else did.

And thank you for saying what you just said. It means so much to me, and I'm laughing and crying and feeling really overwhelmed at it all. But that's okay, cause that's part of how it's supposed to be.

[peter_yorn]

now you have an idea of how i have felt everyday since we've been together.

[c_carpenter]

i don't even know what to say that.

You are one of the most beautiful and amazing people I know

[peter_yorn]

neither beautiful nor amazing are words to describe you, you are so much more than that.

[c_carpenter]

I had something to say before, and I almost commented again to say it. But now, you have left me speechless again.

What do you think of the name Ryan Andrew? And you never got back to me on Cade.

[peter_yorn]

I actually like Cade, i know someone with the name, he's a good guy. i'm not a big fan of ryan or andrew, too simple perhaps.

[c_carpenter]

I haven't talked to John yet, but I'd really like to give the baby my last name. I think Cade Carpenter has a nice ring to it.

And I have something important to ask you. it will be in a locked post for you.

[peter_yorn]

i definitely like the sound of that. of course he needs a middle name though.

[c_carpenter]

Michael? Cade Michael Carpenter?

[peter_yorn]

that's funny, you read my mind. precisely what i was thinking.

[c_carpenter]

I'm not surprised. I really like it...maybe a teeny tiny change. But I think the post covers that.

[c_carpenter]

I thought you were married?

[c_carpenter]

I know it's confusing but try to keep up. Divorced now. Finalized November 16th.

[peter_yorn]

haha