(no subject)
How did all this happen... how did I suddenly make my life so complicated?
It's been long... far too long, I guess that's why Nate had it easy with me. He was there, interested, and I was sure I knew him well enough to allow myself to get into that situation... to have sex with my direct CO. Maybe I could have separated this much more easier, hadn't the telepathy suddenly come up. Due to it, Nate was able to peek in, so see what effect he had on me, and maybe I could have gone on trying to find out if there was more to be had, but at this point, it feels wrong. Especially after Nate made me listen to him jerking off in the shower. I just had to block him out.
I need to step back.
Do I regret having sex with him? I don't know. It changed a few things certainly, but I'm still not comfortable around him again. I guess that's why I signed up for that crosstraining in the armoury. Gives me space and time to think about what to do - if my privacy is still the most important thing for me.
It's been long... far too long, I guess that's why Nate had it easy with me. He was there, interested, and I was sure I knew him well enough to allow myself to get into that situation... to have sex with my direct CO. Maybe I could have separated this much more easier, hadn't the telepathy suddenly come up. Due to it, Nate was able to peek in, so see what effect he had on me, and maybe I could have gone on trying to find out if there was more to be had, but at this point, it feels wrong. Especially after Nate made me listen to him jerking off in the shower. I just had to block him out.
I need to step back.
Do I regret having sex with him? I don't know. It changed a few things certainly, but I'm still not comfortable around him again. I guess that's why I signed up for that crosstraining in the armoury. Gives me space and time to think about what to do - if my privacy is still the most important thing for me.