hmm graduated...
so yeah, I'm officially a high school graduate, that's pretty sweet. Started work today, I suppose that also is sweet, I like money, it's good to me, but only when I actually have it, otherwise it's a harsh little bitch. So I've found myself almost in awe about how I've come to this point, not shock, not despair, just plain awe. In a sense it went by so fast, yet not fast at all. In no way am I attempting to say that I regret being done. In a sense, the only thing I feel is the time restriction of what I have left. August 24th, that's it I'm gone. I'll be in Uconn till November, which in one sense isn't that long. I'm sure people will be happy that I get to spend my birthday here, as I've stated before I'm rather impartial to that whole scenario, but that's a different entry. It's finally starting to click with me that for just about 3 months, I will not be around my family at all. I don't have to undergo the arduous task of explaining where I'm going, or the uncertainty of transportation. It's what I've been waiting for for at least the last 5 years. What I find more interesting about this, is that I'm on a deadline. I only have a certain amount of time to accomplish so much. It's really odd. Some people just look at this as another summer vacation, but when it's all said and done, there's still the school year to continue what's been started. This time, it isn't the case for me. Anything I do, with the people I know from here, will be the last for quite some time. Come next september, I'll be the piece missing from these groups. Granted, I will still be in contact with them, but it's not the same, I won't actually be there, to me that's finally become odd. I don't know, I suppose it'll be better than I think, I'm sure I'll pass by as a "oh yeah he's gone, he was cool" and when I come back, people will be somewhat excited to see me, but I like to think that a few will actually be excited I'm back, in fact I know a few will be, no sense in acting any differently. I need to get past this whole self doubting, self pity phase I was trapped in for so long. It's got to end, I know people will miss me, and I know I will miss them. I've had some great times here, and I looked to continue that trend. I'm not going to dwell on the fact that I'm gone Aug. 24th, rather I just accept it as a necessary consequence. Granted I'm sure it will have it's share of influence upon certain situations, it already has on one, that I'm really not too happy about, but that's life. It's a necessary factor I must take into consideration, there's no way around that. On the flip side of things, I'm really excited to go. I've been talkin to a few people from there, and they're cool as shit. I know I'm gonna have a good time, I'm really lookin forward to it still. I guess I just feel like I'm looking at a giant clock, with each tick of the minute hand I'm one step closer to running out. I have to try and get in as much as I can in the time alotted and I know I won't get it all in, and that's quite disappointing. Alas, I'm not going to dwell upon it. Life was not meant to be lived in the past or the future, it was meant for the present. You take your current situation, recognize what lies ahead, accept what has occurred before, and live with what you're given at the time. Nothing wrong with making accomodations for the future, just not living in fear of it...